A Day In My Life (abandoned at birth)Imagine going to your first day of kindergarten; mother and father at each side holding your hand. Now remove the father. That's right, you was abandoned at birth. Actually, at birth is an understatement. You were abandoned as soon as he found out your mom was pregnant.
Now it's Parent's Day. Everyone's mom and dads come in to be with their beloved child. Imagine sitting at your desk, all alone, desperately trying to hold back tears. Your mom can't make it because, being a single mother of 4, she has to work. Not even your grandparents, who you live with, can make it. With it being your 2nd grade year, you thought you'd be use to not having a father, but you're not.
It's now the last week of school and Father's Day is coming up in a week. As a last project, your teacher hands out the paper and crayons to make a Father's Day card. You just sit there; staring in hatred at the artist's tools. You don't move; barely even breathe. Everyone is hard at work for their daddy's special card on their special day. The teacher pulls you aside and asks what's wrong. You tell her, holding back tears. She looks at you, sympathetic and it makes you feel weird. You've never liked it when people took pity on you for not having a father.
You're now 9 and your mother announces that she's remarrying. You move out of your grandparents and away from the only life you've ever known. Your mother gets her own house and after the marriage, your new stepfather moves in. It's weird having someone else around after being so alone for 9 years.
You finally accept him and start calling him dad.
A few years later, you're 13 and you start to notice some things. Your father seems to be favouring your siblings. Your younger sister notices and rubs it in. You try restlessly, over and over, to talk to your parents about it but your father denies it and your mother won't believe it.
Two years later, you're still the least favourite. It doesn't bother you as much as it use to, but it still hurts. It's just like being abandoned all over again, only you still see him and he acknowledges you exist. He states that he loves you, but you don't feel it at all.
Everyday, from the time you can remember to now, you feel like there's something missing. You know what it is too, but you can't fix it. You cry yourself to sleep for a few days, then slip back into the "I don't care" mode. A few months later, it hits you again. Just a cycle that never seems to end. You're desperately crying out to God asking him for help. He does help but the pain doesn't go away, it just becomes less frequent.
Once a year, you have the anniversary of the abandonment. It hurts the worst then. Your mother and older sisters get quieter around that time too. Your little sister and dad don't know why and just shrug it off.
You decided you need some help. You try asking your mom a few questions, but she refuses to relive the pain just to let you know what totally happened. You only know bits and pieces of what she would tell you as a kid and what you've heard from your other family members yet, no one will answer your question because they feel it's your mother's job. The question? Your sisters have the answer for their father. Your two older sisters (who share a dad) have even met theirs. You're wanting- yearning- to know the answer to the one question you have. You deserve the answer for having to live with it for 15 years and counting. You feel like they're hiding it from you, but is the answer that bad? You just want to know his name.
Welcome to a day in my life.
DarkMoonlightMusic 13-15, F 2 Responses 4 Oct 22, 2012