Only Emails

I've never met him.
He wasn't even at my birth.
He left my mom when they found out she was pregnant with me.
I was a mistake.
My mom met my stepdad when I was 2.
They married.
They had my little sister.
She's perfect.
My dad loves her more than me.
I'm not sure if he loves me at all.
I turned 8.
They divorced.
Now I am forced to go back and forth, back and forth.
My biological father,
whom I was never supposed to know about,
sends me only emails.
Only Emails.
I have never heard his voice.
I have never felt his hug.
He abandoned me.
Do I meet him?
He wants to meet me, so many years later.
Do I love him, or hate him?
Nobody understands or cares.
I don't care if you guys don't understand.
I understand if you guys don't care.
I am a mistake.
I hate myself.
I am messed up.VERY.
I don't know how to get these feelings out.
Please help.