I Still Miss Him Every Day

First there's nothing to be stupid about. Stupidity is a matter of POV. Then 7 years is short, but when you're young it looks much. Losing something/someone you can't replace can hurt a liftetime, we just learn to live with it.

My story was different from yours, because I was lied to, I didn't know my real father. I was made believe I had another father (a psycho, I ignore in what it any better). I started doubting really about 18 years ago. What I want to tell you is something you have no real explaination for has no reason to decrease in intensity; with time you just don't think about it ALL the time, but the hurt is the same.

Feel free to post when you want.

This was such a powerful, moving story. l have tears in my eyes as l read this. My heart it breaking for you and l wish there was something l could do for you right now. Keep the love alive in your heart and never give up hope that this love will be felt by this man. Never pass up the chance to show him what he means to you and live for yourself and your brother every day cherishing the relationships that you have, but never forget the great times you had with your father. I will pray he has a change of heart. l am going through something similar with my biological father so l understand and my heart goes out to you.

Thank you so much for that comment. It's nice to know that people care... I hope you and your biological dad can work thing out as well. I guess men in general just handle their emotions in a different way than we do. We probably get more attached or something. I don't know... I have already thought of so many possible explanations for him leaving. But it's nice to know that I'm not alone. Thanks.

I'm so sorry this happened to you and that your father became so distant to you. It breaks my heart to hear it. I understand though, because my dad basically dropped out of my life 6-7 years ago and just won't make any effort at a relationship. It is so hard when fathers abandon their children. Its very hurtful and painful. I don't think they realize what they are doing and how much it hurts. I wish they would come to their senses. Hang in there!

That is the saddest thing ever. I can't believe that he

just said that he just dropped out of you life. That is so

selfish. There just are no words. He won't even make

an effort. I can't help but believe that he will have to

answer to a higher power some day. I really believe in

carma. Not too be too nasty but what an ***. How

hurtful for you and your brother. I am sorry but your

post made me so angry. I really do wish you so much

happiness , love , pleasure and good health in the future.

You really deserve it. God Bless

Its my belief that your father has a drug or alcohol problem. He is obviously embarressed about it, and does not want you to see him in this condition.
I think you need to find him again. Let him know that you love him unconditionally, and want to help him with whatever problem he is having. Many years ago this man stepped in and helped out a struggling family. Now that you are a man, its time to step up and help out the struggling family.

I wish you were right.. although I don't wish any bad things for him. I'm afraid that's probably not the case though. I think we're just not 'convenient' for him anymore, too bad for us. I recently heard that he is living a very happy life, turned to Buddism and stuff, has a nice girlfriend, is travelling and just enjoying life. Seems to me that he has no regrets whatsoever :(

Thank you for sharing. A lot of things you are sharing in your story are very real to me as well. As an older person now, I sometimes think about how my life has been without my father who has lived less than 200 miles away and, "it's okay now". But, it took me quite a while to get to this point. I wrote some encouraging words about some of my feelings and how to continue to love and cope when your father abandons you. ("How To Love Your Father Even After He Abandons You") It is a journey and I would like to encourage you to be strong.

Dearest Elreev,

I doubt if this will help, it might even make it worse. But like the others who responded, I am moved by your experience.
Im not sure if it will help, but I would like to share an experience from the "opposite extreme" which turned out to be "no picnick" in the end, and I do mean the end.
MY growing up experience was for sure the polar opposite from you. My mother and father were life long loves, who married, reared their family, grew old and died. My childhood was that of a storybook. My parents were always there for us. We were not rich, but lacked for nearly nothing. My dad was with me in little league ball, the boy scouts, and other activities. always there, sharing, loving and giving. I admit that to a large degree, I didnt appreciate what I had. Even after I moved away and began my own family, we were all close, they were great grandparents too. My boys loved them to death.
You might remember that old worn out tv show "Leave it to Beaver". MY childhood was a lot like that, idealic..... I was the Wally of my family.

Years turn into decades, time keeps marching on. Eventually, my folks health began to fail. My mother was very sick for a year, suffered tremenously, and dr's are all to eager to keep them hanging on for profit. I lived in Dallas and drove to OKC (with my father in tow) every weekend for a year to see her. We walking into her room one saturday at the nursing home. She lay before us in bed, in a drug induced stupor. Someone elses (name attached) urinal was on her breakfast tray at her lap. A few weeks later, I sat beside her with my 83yr old father, and we together watched her take her last breath.
My dads health began a rapid decline. Once a strong and proud man who served with distinction in the Pacific theater in WWII, Japs chasing his group all over hell trying to kill them. - he and his buddies, good ol boys from Oklahoma, showed those Japs a thing or 2. Mother nature did what the japs couldnt. Alzhiemers, dementia, parkinsons and the rest....... he ended up in a nursing home as well. I stopped by one evening to see him. Walked into his room. Sitting in his wheelchair, he turned from the window to look at me when I entered. He looked puzzled, "do you know who I am", I asked, "NO" he replied, as he turned away.

Those we the last words my father ever spoke to me. The next morning I got a call, "Its time" the lady at the nursing home said. I went down, sat in a chair beside his unresponsive body, just like I did my mother, and watched him take his last breath.

I had good parents, a great childhood and was very fortunate, I know that. It is all overshadowed by the most recent events which were abject horror. I see myself in home movies, I know that is me blowing out candles on my cake at 5yrs old. Its there on film, but I can harldy remember. Today, whenever I think of my father, I think of looking into his eyes as he spoke those last words before I think of anything else.

Life dealt you a bad break, and I feel for you. And I know I got a lucky break, especially by todays standards. All I am saying is that even if you had what you dreamt of, there isnt necessarily a giddy happy ending to it all. I serisouly doubt if I am as happy as you are today.

This horrible ordeal was more than my marriage could take. I lost my wife as a result (indirectly)

Like a friend of mine said. Life is unfair, life just sucks. but if you can get over that fact, you can at least have some fun and try to be happy.

Woulnt it have been interesting to have met you, with you and me being sort of on opposite ends of the spectum........smile

If there really is a God, you and I both will have some questions for him wont we......

Dwayne

Dunno if this will help, but I needed to chime in.

I miss my father and my sons.

Its difficult to move on with your life as a father after a separation.

I wish my sons would call or even text to say they miss me.

Suggestions for you:

- Call or text once a week just to say hi and tell him you miss him
- Tell him that you are separate from his relationship with mom
Let him vent, if he needs to but realize its venting
- Visit him and tell him you love him no matter what
- Appreciate him for who and what he is, as he is.


-DWD