I Was Abandoned By My Father
Letter from my dad: 6-3-2001
"Dear V. and S.,
I wanted to discuss what I'm writing to you with the four of us but unfortunately your mother didn't want that. I'm just writing you a fraction of what I've discussed with your mother.
At this point I choose to let the contact between you and me rest for a little while, until the moment I'll contact you again. One of the reasons for this decision is that I learned that I tried really hard to be a dad for you while I'm not; I am your uncle, the brother of your father who started a relationship with your mother.
I did really try to be a father for you, especially because you had so little contact with your biological father. I took responsibility for things that didn't belong to me. I decided to change that now, to handle it differently. Another reason is the processing of the divorce. I keep finding it hard to keep seeing your mother over and over again, especially because I feel like so many things are left unsaid. This closed way of treating eachother is not doing me any good. The frenetic efforts of maintaining arrangements concering parental access gives me, besides the lovely and warm moments that I had with you, a lot of grief, pain and lack.
In my point of view, I did everything I could to fight for the relationship with your mother, but unfortunately I did not succeed. After that, I tried really hard to make the divorce pass well for the two of you.
I feel now that it was all too much for me and I noticed that I can't handle it anymore. I do feel that I love you very much and that I will not stop loving you if we stop seeing eachother for a while. I also realise that this decision will hurt both of you very much and I am really sorry. In the future, we will get in touch again, we will just have to find a new way for that.
You were and are the most important persons in my life and you are deep in my heart. I will now take some time to come to my senses, to find some rest and to deal with everything that happened in the past few years. Remember that I will be there for you again in the future, only in a different way.
I love you. M."
A year after this letter, we got in touch again for about a year. A year later, he broke it off again out of the blue and I haven't seen him ever since.
