I Love My Father Even After He Abandoned Me

I remember when I was a child in the comforts of my home with my mother and father.  One day I could hear them arguing, then my dad was gone and he didn't come back.  My father abandoned me.  I cried until I was almost 50 years old and as I am writing this article, my eyes feel with tears again.  How could he leave me, his wonderful little girl?  But it is important to get a grip and move on, there is light at the end of the tunnel. 

SEEK A QUALITY LIFE-It's okay to cry and talk about your father sometimes but don't let the fact that your father left consume you and destroy your life.  He abandoned you, your siblings, your mother and his responsibilities.  We take this situation all so personal and there is nothing we can do but move forward. Anything else could hold us back from having a quality life.

EMBRACE THOSE THAT LOVE YOU-Focus on those that do love you.  After your father left, did your mother or another relative take good care of you the best they could?  If you have the opportunity to receive genuine love and concern from others, take it.  This is an extremely important step because we all need love in our lives.  As humans we thrive from positive interaction from other humans.

DON'T HATE-It is foretold in the Bible in 2 Timothy 3:1-5 that people would end up not having natural affection.  So if your dad abandoned you, don't hate.  At some point in his life he was encoded with selfish tendencies and you just happened to be affected by his selfish actions...he is only human.  Hopefully he finds a way to seek a happy, healthy life.  You want the best for him and yourself.  Harboring hatred towards someone is unhealthy and can drain you mentally and physically.  So let me remind you again, DO NOT HATE.

DON'T BE JEALOUS-If your father left you when you were a little girl or boy, married another woman and took care of her kids or they had kids together, don't be jealous.  Try to bond with your step brothers and sisters if you have the opportunity.  They could end up becoming your best friends.

TALK IT OUT-If you can locate your father, try to talk to him to understand what happend and listen to his side of the story.  A lot of things could have happened in his childhood or as an adult that left him incapable of handling responsibility.  Perhaps your parents had a fling that resulted in pregnancy and they felt they just had to get married.  This is no excuse not to love you, but it doesn't help the situation.

LEARN FROM OTHERS-Throughout my life I have managed to take steps to deal with my father leaving.  No doubt from this information I am sharing with you, you can tell I am still working on it.  But you better believe I have come a long way.  One day I was watching a biography about Mary J Blige, the Hip Hop Artist (Great Artist) and she was talking about her relationship with her father and how they had to overcome difficult times.  It was very enlightening and it encouraged me to take some positive steps to move on.  Seek out relationships with non-toxic people and read books about positive lifestyles and successes.

MOVE ON-To all of you out there that can relate to this situation, I want you to brace up, move on and be the best person you can be.  Lift your head high and take a tight hold of the hands and hearts of the people that love you.  Life is a journey and you create your own happiness.  I see the light at the end of the tunnel and I hope you do too.

shasha10 shasha10
51-55, F
9 Responses Jul 8, 2009

I am sorry that had happened to you. Everyone needs a good father who is faithful, kind, strong and supportive. Most importantly a father you give his child that unique love and tenderness that only a father can.
I never had it, but I am learning how to give it to my kids.

You have a very positive, healthy perspective. I am glad I stumbled upon your post, it is very hard to overcome when these fundamental relationships aren't what they are supposed to be. A lot of people end up wallowing in self pity and practically destroy themselves. I think I have indulged in that at a period in my life, but thankfully, have gotten past it and have managed to find some healing, or grace to go on and I honestly believe that it helped me be the parent I am today. Again, Im really grateful to have read your post.

Have you thought about what you could possibly do to stop crying? I know it is not easy. I hate to see others cry as long as I did....and the situation between my father and I didn't change. The end result was I had to make the changes as to how I dealt with it all.

I try not to let my father leaving run my life but its so hard.. I was little when he left and I'm gonna be 22 yrs old in two weeks. My mother and brother don't mention it at all. All these years I've been doing the crying for them both..

I am sorry your father is not sober. I can feel your pain.

i could never love my father again. unless hes sober

Thank you for sharing this :).

Thank you for this story. You are so right! We can't let the fact that he abandoned us dominate our lives. It's not worth it.<br />
<br />
I do think it's something that will never leave you though. No matter how happy you are, there will always be this missing piece, this empty space, the longing for your dad to come back and tell you he was wrong!<br />
<br />
But everytime I have a weak moment, I'll think about what you wrote.. thank you!Feel free to read my story..

Fathers, I could talk on this subject for years.<br />
<br />
I loved your words, they are wonderful.<br />
<br />
It is a process to understand how to accept and heal from being abandoned. <br />
<br />
I've a few stories on my site about fathers; I have a faith in God, He is my Dad.<br />
<br />
Over many years of tears and being emotionally spent, I realised that daughters really need a father, her hero, though we cannot continue to allow rejection to hurt an already broken heart. <br />
<br />
We aren't unlovable because a parent abandons us, it was not our fault. I chose to forgive my father for not being part of my life, and understand now that he too was abandoned.<br />
<br />
I chose to thank my father for giving me the chance to experience life, without him, I would not exist. This really made a difference when I began to rethink how I thought about the past dissapointments.<br />
<br />
Re-evaluating things that were important, to experience happy memories...or hold on to ones that we cannot change, but we can learn valuable things from. We can learn to say 'I'm ok, I am worthy of love and I send love to my father, whether he be beside me or not'.<br />
<br />
Surrounding ourselves with sound male mentors makes a difference, I am in the process of doing this and it is a wonderful thing to experience the love and frienship of a healthy male role model.