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Mourning The Undead.

My father and i used to be SOO close. He was my daddy, he loved me. I knew that without question. He would do and did do, everything in his power for his children, my brother and i. Even after the divorce my dad was still a great man. Very distroyed from the divorce but still a good man. He through himself into work and that completely drained him. He hit "rock bottom" and tried to find help. During this time my father had this woman who would leave him alone. I remember him laughing at how desperate she was for him. My father had a breakdown and entered himself in a rehabilition center at the VA hospital to try and fix himself. That is when the delusional woman found her opportunity. she did everything in her power to win over my dad. He wasnt mentally well. The hospital diagnosed him with PTSD and sever depression. And put him in all different kinds of medication. He was most definately over medicated.  This is where our relationship changed. My dad spent 5 months in the hospital and during that time he wasnt makeing money and wasnt paying child support. He fell behind. His new woman felt it wasnt nessicary for him to pay support because it took away from thier household. By now they had moved in together and we planning a wedding. I butted heads with this woman from the very beginning. Because unlike my father i had a clear a head and i saw right through her BS.  She is a single mother. She had a bad childhood and no family that truly loved her. My dad on the other hand had a very strong family unit not only with his children but with his parents and siblings as well. I remember being about 14 when they were planning their wedding and i remember her on the phone talking to her friend about how she "cant wait to be a stuck" (thats our last name).  Everything that this woman did was to turn my dad away from me. She told me once that she would take him from me. I blew it off and never paid no mind. At least not until i was 19. When i got a phone call from my aunt telling my that my dad is gone. they dont know where he went, when he left. Nothing. GONE.

This was may of 08. the news was horrible because it was so unexpected. At that time i was living out of state and a month before he left i spoke to him and hugged him goodbye. Then he was just gone. In December of 08 i got an email from my dad telling me that he loved me and wished me well. Asked me about my life nothing really concrete.But i wrote back excited to hear from him answering all his questions.  The next day he wrote again asking me if i got his note.  Obviously his wife deleted the email i sent to him. I havent heard from him since. I know he speaks to my grandmother via email. But i send letters with no responce. Over the last year and a half i have seriously gone bonkers trying to find him. I have had addresses phone numbers i have contacted her family her friends and i have gotten so may clues. but everytime i get close. They move.

I honestly dont believe its my dads idea. I know they left because he was going to go to jail for back support. I know that she has convinced him that i dont love him and all i want is money. He isnt healthy enough to see the truth. The only way that someone could convince the man that is my father to abandon everyone who he loves and who love him, is if he is drugged. I have seen him like that. For years he has been over medicated. She makes sure he takes his pills.  I know my dad couldnt to this if it was just him. he would have to be seriously pursaded. and she can do it.

Not that you know the situation. This is where i need help. I feel so lost. So sad and angry. I dont know how to mourn something that i know is not dead. I dont know how to be ok with him being gone when i know its not what he wishes would happen. If he would have left on his own for his own reasons i would be more understanding and it would be easier to overcome. But i dont know how to handle this. Please. Help.

taira88 taira88 18-21, F 1 Response Dec 22, 2009

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I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. I know how painful, sad, angry, this must cause you to feel. At least it made me feel this way, but mostly I felt deep deep pain when my dad abandoned me because of a woman he married. 33 years after it all happened, I still feel deep grief over it. It is not something you can get over or deal with on your own. Get a good therapist or grief support group to help you cope with your feelings. Don't bottle them up, as I did, because those feelings can surface in a way that harms you. Talk it out. Write about it. Keep looking for support here and any other support forums you can find. I know there are others like you and me who struggle with this. We can get through this, together. I'll send up prayers for you.