My Mother Wanted A Life More Than She Wanted Me

My mom liked having boyfriends and going out (even though she was well in her thirties) more than looking after me and my mentally disenabled older sister. I remember her having so many men around that I called them all the same name because it was hard to remember all of them or going to my aunts (dad’s sister) house and stashing food for my sister. I loved my mother, defended her against people saying her wrong doings. Then one day she left. A few days after child services came and took me and my sister away, I had been taking care of her I was only eight she was 13 but her mind was more on my level, so she was my responsibility ( people say that I still carry that 'have to take care of everyone' mentality) After that I was sent to live with my aunt which was a different kind of hell, and finally to my dad by age 9 until now we have had hard times but he is a amazing, exceptional father who took care of me best he could well that’s my story- one of which I have to tell to virtually every new person I meet who asks "where's your momma?" or "how come you live with your daddy?" I don't know if I'll ever really forgive her. She's always been in my city. Family tells me when they see her around. Also for my birthday in 7th grade she took a chocolate cake with glucose to my school, it devastated me because everyone knew that I couldn’t eat that cake, my dad made sure everyone knew that I couldn’t, but she didn't  and that showed how much she wasn’t around.  She comes and goes well mostly goes but I try to live with that.
Akmarii Akmarii
18-21, F
2 Responses Aug 4, 2010

I was only three years old when my mother left me. She left me behind with my abusive father (who was abusive to her) and no other family besides my older sister. She was never in my life and noone has understood that kind of empty void. I get jeaous of other women that have thier mother and that bond with them cause I will never know what it is like. I tried to have a relationship with her but it is confusing and very difficult. She treated me like a burden that she did not want and she rarely talks to me now and sometimes disappears for a long time. I never got any type of explanation from her as to why did she leave me and how did she sleep at night, much less an apology. I guess I need to write a story on this forum!

sucks, doesn't it? your attitude is impressive. your mom has lost her family. that should hurt her a lot. i was really angry with my mother for trashing my self esteem. other than that, she was an amazing mom. i know she really loved me. i never could work it out with her because, sadly, she died at age 50. i was a young mom then. it's been years, but love her and i miss her and would give anything to see her again. life sure throws you a curve ball. good luck on working out your family issues. you deserve happiness.