Ghosts From The PastMy mother left me and my siblings when I was 6, I am now 31 and the ghost are back. After my parents divorced, my brother and I moved with our mom while my sister stayed with my dad. Six months later my mom took us to our dads for a weekend visit and she left us there. What followed was 12 years of sporadic letters followed by 2-3 years of nothing followed by 3 months of letters and then nothing. This cycle continued till I was 19 when I wrote my mother and told her what she had done to me emotionally.Her letter back to me began the emotional detachment from her that balanced what we could call a relationship - a very unemoitonal acquaintance.
Skip ahead till today and I am married to a wonderful man who is my entire world. I know in my heart he will always be there for me but these old ghosts are popping up. Where I always thought I was over my mother abandoning me, after seeing a therapist for some issues I have learned that I hold back something in all my relationships to prevent me from being hurt. Surprise....I always thought I was a strong person who didn't let the fact that my mother left me effect me. I don't want to be the person to use her abandonment as an excuse, but there are so many things about who I am as a person that can be attributed to her leaving and it is scaring me. All these strong independent qualities I always believed I had are more of my emotional defense to not form relationships where I can be hurt.I have very few true friends, but they would be there for me no matter what. Although my dad raised me and was the best dad he could have been considering the circumstances, we are father and daughter, but not really close.
But my husband...he is it for me, my best friend, my rock, the one I cannot imagine my life without...but all this baggage from my mom abandoning me is effecting our relationship and so I need a way to change me. I hold back from him and is is hurting us. I am trying to work through this but all these feelings about my mom that I thought I had dealt with have resurfaced and I have to work past them. 25 years of not really letting myself feel the pain and realizing how much I have pushed down and not recognized is surfacing and I hope I get through and past it.
Maybe it is something we all have who have been abandoned..."If my own mother did this, anyone can." But isn't it true???? How do I move past this?
iamhappy 31-35, F 6 Responses 1 Jun 12, 2011