The Mother That Never Was

Let me start by saying I am 59 years old. Too old, you might say, to still be crying for the mother that never was? Yet I do cry. I cry out of the pain of not being loved and wanted by my mother. I cry for all the years I dreamed and fantasized that one day she would come to me and explain why and would want me as her daughter. All would be forgiven because I wanted to have a mother. And in spite of her love for me having never been born, my love for her has never died.

My mother and father left my brothers and me before we formed any memory of ever living with them. We were raised by our grandparents, who also never got over the fact that our mother didn't want us. Their pain and bitterness blanketed our childhood.

My mother remarried and had two other children. We saw my mother a few times and she acted like we were nothing to her, which, of course, to her, we were. She treated her other two children very well. How does a mother love some of her children and despise others? How is that possible? I have no answer.

For all of the young people that have been abandoned by their mothers and/or fathers, I say:

Don't waste your life trying to understand the reason, for no reason will ever suffice.
Stop trying to figure out what was wrong with you, for it is they who were wrong.
Don't keep dreaming that they will change, for if they could, they would have.
Cry when you need to, but cry for their loss as well, for they are the true losers, and
Realize your worth, for it is priceless.

An Ep User An EP User
2 Responses Jan 8, 2013

I am the same age as you and as I started to read this piece I wondered if perhaps I had written this and forgotten I had. My mother abandoned me when I was young, but it was an emotional abandonment that lasted my whole life. I never saw her before she died. I saw her twice during the last twenty-five years of her life, and one of those times she refused to acknowledge my presence (a family 'reunion' that my aunt put together). I know that it's really harsh and sad to have a mother run out on the family, or die too young so you never get to know her, but believe me, it's harsh to live with a mother who has washed you out of her life as if you were never born.

I wanted to tell you that my mother left me and my sister when I was 6. She cheated with another man and ended the relationship with my father. Made barely any contact with us when she left and if we did visit her and made her upset, she would send us back home with a letter from her boyfriend that we were an inconvenience.

I really relate to you're story, even though our lives are different. Thanks for writing it