My Birth Mom Abandoned Me At Birth

I was adopted at birth by a very loving couple w/ 3 daughters of their own which i call my sisters. They have loved me & pretty much treated me as one of their own biological son & brother to which i am forever grateful. At a very young age right of the bat, they told me that i was adopted by them...the story was that my birth mother was a housemaid who got impregnated by her own boss, which is my biological father. I was curious when i was at my teen years to find my birth mother to ask her as to why she abandoned me. Apparently the the surgeon who delivered me, who happens to be also my godfather & gave me to my adoptive parents told me that i should not waste my time finding this woman for she really didn't want me & don't care to have me as her own (Why did she abandoned me in the first place, Right!?). At the present, i'm 43 yrs. old, educated, speaks several languages, learned, have a decent job, a contributing member of society, pays my share of my taxes BUT still wondering on why did she do this to me? I just want to know her personal reasons because i felt unwanted & left-out: to which i heard from a lot of other abandoned children that there's a big void on their lives because of the fact that their biological parents didn't want them...what do you think!?

joel750 joel750
41-45
6 Responses Jan 26, 2009

Many Birth mothers have a reason behind their closed adoptions or abandonment. There is a reason they wanted to close it and move on with life, maybe she was raped such as me. That is why I now have a closed adoption, I would not like to be contacted in the future by my child because it was just a traumitizing experience in my life and I would like to move on. I did however leave a letter I wrote for him in the hospital so he would know exactly why I would not like to be contacted. You have loving parents that made the choice of accepting you into their lives, you should be grateful for them. But I do understand why you would want to search if you don't know why you were placed for adoption.

The same thing happened to me. I am almost 51 years old. I pretty much got shat out and left to the hospital. I don't blame you for being angry, because I am absolutely pissed. I have been married, raised two kids, and been divorced, but I never, not for ONE second, left them behind. I cannot understand how a b**** can **** out a f***ing kid and just leave it. This vitriol is just coming out of me and has nothing to do with you.

Yes, there is a void that just grows, even when you have all of the "pieces" to the puzzle. I am 44 and will forever feel the same way. I think those of us who have/had loving adoptive parents and "good lives", experience further shame because we still "need". Those who were witness to our "good fortune" are less tolerant of our feelings, because they see the adoption as having been a "win-win" situation, for both the adopters and the adoptee. What they fail to comprehend, is that, "before we were 'wanted', we were 'unwanted'".

My story is very similar - although I have pretty much no information on my birth parents, as I was found in a car and no one ever figured out who left me there. I don't know if I will ever have the opportunity to meet my mom and ask her why. If you ever get the chance, I would say TAKE IT! For me at least, even hearing the worst would be better than hearing nothing at all.<br />
<br />
-Nav<br />
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On another note:<br />
suhow... that comment is incredibly insensitive and rude and I don't understand why you're part of this forum if you can't be respectful to other people's feelings.

so you're adopted, big deal, so are millions of others. you should be grateful you're adoptive parents took you in.. You're alive, you have a life, be grateful for that and stop beating yourself up as to why your 'biological' mother gave you up. I doubt it was because she didn't like you seeing as she never knew you, it was probably the fact that she couldn't look after you and thought you'd be better off with someone who could.

I'm surprised no one has commented on this story in nearly a year. <br />
In many adoptions, before the present decade, the 'professionals' thought it would be best for all if there was complete secrecy around the adoption, hence closed adoptions. They're Finally realizing this is Very bad for all involved and now there are (I believe) mostly open adoptions. But for those who were forced into a closed adoption, when they try to search out their adult birth child they may find the records are lost or the adoption agency may have even closed down; many turn to the internet to search for their child. Your Godfather may have thought he was doing what was best for you, trying to make you forget about your birth mother and get on with your life, but he didn't help you at all. (A quick internet search shows that no matter how great the adoptive family was, the child/adult still needs contact with their birth parents to feel whole.) When was the last time you spoke to your Godfather about this? Does he realize how you feel, even as an adult, and that if his words weren't true then how hurtful they were? It sounds like he would be the best source to help you try to track down your birth mother. <br />
I'm very new to being a birthmother (or Lifemother, the title some have adopted, since we didn't stop being mother's at birth) but from my own experience and from what I've read not a SINGLE DAY goes by that we don't think of our children and miss them!!!!! Your birthmother had probably thought of you every day, and loved you and missed you, for the past 43 years. She's probably sadly aware of your birthday every year, sadly 'celebrates' every holiday without you, with a hole in her heart that doesn't go away. I've read that that pain gets better over time but never goes away.<br />
Birthparents give their children up for adoption when the future looks very bleak and they truly feel their child would suffer for the kind of life they'd have to endure. It is not a decision made lightly and is made with the best intentions: wanting the VERY best for your child when you feel you can't provide that.<br />
I hope this puts some light on the issue for you and hope that your Godfather will change his stance and tell you what you need to know to search out your birthmother. Best of luck to you!!