My Mother Abandoned Me Many Times

my father was a drunk and my mother left him and in so doing, abandoned her only daughter. the first time this happened was when i was twelve. she came back after 4 months to my father and me when her boyfriend screwed her up badly and left her for dead. then two years later, she found another man and left me again, this time....for many years. I lost count. And recently she was broke and came back and I thought I had my mother back, I helped her out with money and we were happy for the past two years, and now she's gone again with yet another man. I don't understand...why did she give birth to me if she didn't love me? I thought my depression would help her see that she's hurting me, but somehow she needed men more that anything. i'm ashamed to have a mother like that.

camxn camxn
26-30
1 Response Feb 15, 2009

Your mother has a lot of issues. this is a really sad tale, she sounds very alone in her life and put you in the same place as she was. I don't think your mother doesn't love you I think she doesn't cope with life very well perhaps that is why she is heavily dependant on men, she can't cope on her own. maybe she feels that you will one day make your own plans and move on and she will again have nobody, I am only speculating. I think you need to see a psychologist about this because abandonment issues are difficult and can leave you with deep misery and self esteem issues fora long time, you are worth as much as anyone else despite what has happened to you and you may just have to find other ways to find that. It really doesn't matter why you were born, you were born and you can't choose your family, but you can choose how resilient you are, you can choose how to handle things, you can choose how to deal with the strange experiences life throws at you sometimes that are outside of your control. How do you want to deal with this, is a good start to your question and a brilliant way to develop some excellent resolve. As rough as it is, it doesn't have to stop you from becoming who you want to be. You still have that choice.