This Is How It Felt When I Was So Close To Ending It

It was about 4-5yrs ago now when i tried to take my own life.At that point in time i felt like i had no-one.No-one to support me or to be my friend.No-one to just sit & listen to me when i needed someone to talk to.
This is when i decided to attempt suicide.I did end up in ICU.
The only person to be there with me at the time was my mum.
To this day that still hurts very much.All but one person was there when i could of very well potentially died!It may well of been the last time anyone would of seen me or had the chance to talk to me.
I am now so grateful for that one person being there by my side.
I believe that since i was in hospital my bond & relationship with my mum has improved a greatly.
Everyone else still has a problem with putting in effort.Its still my mum that is there.No-one else.I don't know what i would do without her.
thankyou for reading
sweetiepiebutterfly sweetiepiebutterfly
22-25, F
9 Responses Jul 6, 2010

i thinki was 5 or 6 when i went and laid odwn on the rail road traucks justthe wrong tracks

wow! that's so young! :(
i'm sorry that you had those sorts of feelings...

I have thought about ending it as well several times. I decided to see my doctor and was diagnosed with clinical depression. I'm on medication and counselling therapy and it helps. This may help. I hope so.

yeah. i have been diagnosed with major depression with a long list of other's no wonder i felt like ending it at the time....
i still suffer with alot of the crap each one (problem/illness) deals with me but i take it one day at a time.
i have actually been on several medications & i am looking into seeing someone...i have before but it never worked out...
thanks so much for reading & giving me your advice.
i hope your situation is still going well

sorry someone hacked into my account.......<br />
this certain someone wasn't even around when this(what happened in my story) occurred.<br />
sorry for the swearing too guys.i'll remove the comment asap!

no worries sweetiepie,<br />
<br />
you were reaching out any way you look at it. remember you have friends you don't even know, and many more friends you have yet to meet.<br />
<br />

hey guys thanks again for your comments.much appreciated.<br />
Bboyfs i agree with what you say.....maybe this is my problem.too much negativity....i'm going to give cabcrafts suggestion a try.......that is with the gratitude diary.maybe you should give it a shot too & see if it works for you!<br />
thanks again <br />

Suicide is just a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I can understand that you feel you have noone there for you. I have a lot of people I hang out with, and dance with but I dont get close to people much anymore. I dont share too much of my personal life because all my "best friends" well, they end up going far away in no time at all.<br />
<br />
All I can say is to surround yourself with positive people that you dont necessarily have to be close to but can just chill with, because all the people I am close with tell me how negative I am, what they hate about me, then the get mad when I ask why they are still my friends if I am so bad.... and to get them to talk to me again I have to apologize.<br />
<br />
If it helps I'll be friend, I can't promise I'll be very close but if you're feeling bad I'll give you a funny joke to laugh at :)

Don't worry about it. If other people don't care about you, it means nothing about you. You're as valuable as you choose to be, regardless of everyone else.

Thankyou both so much for the comments & cabcraft i promise i will try a gratitude diary starting tomorrow!<br />
:)<br />
i think it should help me focus on whats positive rather than what is negative in my life.<br />
take care guys<br />

Ah Honey, the world s a wonderful place, but in the beginning there are son many pitfalls and mountains to climb. Don't despair, life has beauty and rewards and joys that are waiting for you. Go deep into yourself and decide on who and what you are. Don't let anyone ever take that from you. You are uniquely wonderful, and if you open yourself to gratitude for what you do have, much more will come in to fill what seems like empty places. Please consider keeping a Gratitude journal. Write 5 things daily. Even is it is just that you can breath, see, hear, touch, taste today. No matter how trivial or hard it is to find those 5 things, force yourself. You'll re-read this on day and realise there are more people and things in your life that have potential to give you joy than you imagined 2 years ago! Promise you'll try. Try to focus on your thoughts about yourself, turn those negatives into positives, even if they feel false, or maybe are not manifest in your life yet. Keep saying good things about yourself and your mind will manifest them! Learn to respect, believe in, like and honour yourself. When that happens, you'll be amazed at the wonderful people who will come into your life - because they're attracted to confident, relaxed, happy, uncomplicated people who see joy and spread good vibes. I promise. Be the best YOU, that you can be. X@