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Dumped And Alone

I am alone with a son of 21 who is disabled. For the past month i have had a mystery illness made up of weird symptoms - a stiff jaw (put it down to many painful and unnecessary dental injections), facial paralysis, extreme giddiness and feeling as if i am about to pass out, terrible heart palpitations, awful headaches and trouble eating, swallowing and speaking, plus mental fog, fear of going anywhere in case i faint, and all my confidence is gone, plus i have the awful worry of being alone as a single parent, and feeling ill with nobody here to help me.

I have a few good friends who do what they can but i feel as if i am testing their patience, yet i have always been there for them. My oldest and closest friend of 27 years has inexplicably dumped me, when i dared ring from hospital, stranded there with my son, late at night, she shouted at me and repeatedly put the phone down on me and now is cold and distant. A week later i have had a cold text from her not even acknowledging what she did or apologising.It has really upset me. Luckily my lovely neighbour got a cab and came and rescued us and would not take payment, bless her, even though she is also unwell.

My mum died some months ago and my two sisters are cruel and uncaring, contacting me only to say nasty things and criticising my parenting abililites. I have had a heart test and am waiting for the result of that, it will take some time. I just do not know where to turn for help. My son's care manager is useless. I am awaiting bereavement counselling but need to get my health sorted out.

The doctors at my surgery are getting impatient, i keep going there asking for help but they tell me to go home and stop worrying, take a paracetamol, calm down, stop panicking. I have always kept strong and busy and have helped everyone i have been able to. Everyone is getting fed up, telling me to think positive, snap out of it, etc. apart from two gentle friends.

I worry terribly about my poor son who has heart problems and epilepsy. I keep trying to keep calm, do what i can, look after my son, but it is so hard and every day is a nightmare. I just want to feel well again and enjoy life, go out and about as before but don't know what has happened to me. Please help, i feel so terribly scared and alone. Thank you.
worriedandalone worriedandalone 61-65, F 2 Responses Apr 5, 2012

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i don't know how to help you, but i just thought i'd leave a note to inform you that i read the whole thing. and i know what it's like to be invisible and people treating you like your problems aren't real when you're drowning deeper and deeper. i hope you don't commit suicide because you're the only person who seems to give a **** about your son. in my case, i could just off myself and nobody would even notice. just an envelope licker passing by.<br />
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oh and in case you haven't noticed, most medical workers are full of **** and just trying to sell you pills. they come to these conclusions about your body without asking you questions and in Asia, they discriminate for the meanest reasons.<br />
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altruistic people are just doing it for PR. like people at the UN are more concerned with press releases and posting BS on their website and posing in pictures whilst signing yet another partnership deal where the donors just pay for their salaries, than actually helping people. they start a project and then abandon villages. do they even bother understanding the local culture? my ***. don't trust anyone. i haven't seen much change. oh, my bad: there just more on your list of press releases. governments/ministries alone do more than the UN--even in the most corrupt countries, they don't need the UN's bullshit. they just attach strings on puppets. don't let people create dependencies, not even on Paracetamol. Paracetamol is only good for overdosing when i've had enough.<br />
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people yap, yap, yap telling you to think positive. tell them to STFU. it's really easier said than done. just shove it back into their mouths. if you ever need to talk. drop a rant in my inbox and i will help you vent as long as i'm alive.

also, let me add: **** your old "friend" who slammed the ******* phone at you from the hospital. i hope some day she'll need someone else and the person she asks for help does the EXACT SAME THING TO HER and it reminds her of YOU. ******* ******* in the world. i know someone like that and i hope that when they retire, they ******* SUFFER.

hell, i hope their careers are suffering more than they made anyone they know suffer x10. someday people like that will get a ******* taste of their own medicine.

Dear ma'm,<br />
You're not alone. I'm sure there are people going through the same thing, but if you need a friend I'm here.

Thank you, it helps to know that people are out there somewhere who care and understand.