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Beware Of Online Friends

i had these 2 online friends that i connected with because we were in similar situations. we comforted each other via chatting and emails. however when their situations got better...they disappeared. no longer responded to my emails or PM's. i think it was a selfish thing to do...being that i was still in the situation and  was left to deal with it alone.

"friend" #1- we met online when we were both very down and depressed. however he was a lot worse off than me and had even recently attempted suicide, got kicked out of the navy, and was dumped by his girlfirend. this guy was in realllly bad shape. i spent hours chatting with him online.. trying to comfort him. i would send him emails and encouraging quotes, poems etc. even though i had to get up early for work.. i would even sleep with my computer on so that if i heard his PM alert..i could get up and talk to him.  we talked daily for like a year. gradually things started to look up for him. i was thrilled!!! he got counseling, embarked on a new career, became a fitness trainer, and eventually found love. i was overjoyed for him..however my own situation hadnt improved much and i was still dealing with depression.  i noticed that when he would come online.. he wouldnt say hello. i would have to initiate the conversation. sometimes he would answer me back and sometimes he wouldnt. then he stopped getting online altogether. i emailed him because i got worried. after a few weeks went by..i finally received a response. it was a very brief email telling me that his girlfriend is very demanding and takes up a lot of his time and that he would try to keep in touch every now and then. i didnt hear from him again. about a year and a half later i emailed him and let him know that i didnt appreciate how he turned his back on me as soon as things got better for him. he replied and apologized. he admitted that it was wrong and selfish and im inclined to agree...

"friend" #2- we met here on EP. we were both recovering from very painful breakups. we spent a lot of time chatting. we were both very lonely/heartbroken at the time. we had soo much in common and chatted about a variety of different things including our family lives, our childhoods, our careers, etc.  after about 3 months,the communication started to fade. i didnt see her much on yahoo anymore. i sent her an EP message..she didnt respond. i knew she was okay because i would see her online here on EP. about 10 months went by and one day i saw her come online on yahoo..i sent her a pm saying hello. she didnt answer and about 10 minutes later she slapped on her busy message! i took that to mean "leave me alone". that ticked me off so i sent her a not so nice PM and let her know how i felt. well low and behold i got a response..she apologized and said that she had lost touch with me due to being busy at work and she also had a new boyfriend and they had been together for almost a year(what a surprise). Bravo! in no way am i a hater. im always happy for others when good things happen. but work and a new boyfriend stops you from having 5 minutes here and there to simply say hello to someone?? i dont think so. i can understand no longer having the time or desire to sit online and chat but no one is too busy to shoot someone an email from time to time. GEE WIZ!! 
welcome2myworld welcome2myworld 41-45, F 6 Responses May 5, 2012

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I am very much in the same boat. I became friends on line with a lovely gal in Australia, we became very close, there are things she and I have discussed that I haven't dared broach with anyone. One of the things we bonded over was our desire to have children and the pain involved in not having them. Well ...she recently conceived. Don't get me wrong I am overjoyed for her and I know she's busy dealing with morning sickness and the like as well as the time difference being very prohibitive. It's just hard after something like two years or more of being able to talk to her at least once a week we are doing to a few little bits of messages here and there. I understand. I just miss her.

wow im so sorry! some people are just self centered. a situation like this can make you feel used and thrown away when things become brighter for the friend. i hope she will start to miss you as well and reconnect with you. and i hope that you will be blessed with the beautiful and healthy children that you desire. *hugs*

i feel for you users they just want to take take and take they never for one second cared about you that is selfish and wrong you deserve better friends that,s the size of it but you are not alone its happened to me to i have finally lost faith in ppl i have all they do is hurt you i wish you better times by being extra careful . vinny

thank you vinny :)

your welcome

Just shows that when they have there need met, there is no need to return it when you need it most.

Sadly I think we have all experienced that to some degree. I have learned to go into every online friendship with the expectation of them disappearing without notice or to just stop talking to me. Sad but true. Good luck in your quest to find true friends, not sure they exist online or anywhere else for that matter.

hi amy
thanks for your comment. i wouldnt say im on a quest to find "true friends"..especially not online. however i did expect common courtesy and to not start being ignored once things got better for them. i know this type of thing happens online, as it has happened to me more than twice. but with these two particular people, i expected that they would stick around to give me the same support that i had given to them.

its sad that when you feel that you have found l some one who was on the same level. Fortunately you are still alive and fighting.<br />
<br />
How long did it take this person to find therapy for this disorder?

hi redtail,
he was ordered into therapy by the navy.

Yes unfortunately people come and go when it comes to online friendships.It would be nice if they would say a little something like I am no longer able to keep up the chats/emails or I am leaving this site but thank you etc.<br />
I have had my share of people just disappear.<br />
Well anyway I kinda just know one day there just won't be a response or they just won't be there anymore.<br />
I am sorry that they abandoned you when you needed them.I hope it doesn't stop you from enjoying new people to get to know.Thank you for your story.

hi nwtrd33, you are right, people do come and go online. in some cases, its not so bad to just disappear. but to disappear on someone that has spent months consoling and supporting you, and you know that they are still in a bad way is simply rude and wrong. i would have been happy with just a simple email once in a while to ask how im doing..

Yes i am in agreement with there.Some people are just rude.Hard to discern sometimes who to get close to and who to just be friends with.Sorry for how you got treated.I hope that was a rare situation and not the norm.