I Almost Couldn't Breathe!!!

After doing without this or that for a year and 5 months providing for my adult son who was supposed to go into the Army but was rejected I told him that he had to get out because he'd gotten a job FINALLY and had went right back to his bad behavior including spending his money on illegal drugs and his friends.  I was stuck with paying back 4 different loans that I'd taken out to make sure we had food and electricity.  He left mid August and I hadn't seen or heard from him since.  September, October, and November were bad months for me cause I was trying to get things paid and I wasn't able to spend money on real food but in December I was caught up enough to get groceries and now I have money left over after I've paid on my debts.  I was content and have renewed my relationship with my grandchildren which I hadn't been allowed to see for 11 months and I'm speaking to my daughter that's in the Army on a regular basis and I had no worries.  All of a sudden out of the blue after 7 months of nothing I get 4 phone calls from my son.  His parting words to me when he left wasn't thanks for all you've done for me they were "you ruined my life".  This is what I got after I'd enrolled him in program after program trying to get him on a foundation for success.  I paid his court fees and fines from his having trespassed and not gone to court and I couldn't buy anything for myself and I needed shoes and clothes.  I keep my cell phone turned off and I use it for long distances calls and I wanted to call my daughter in the Army which is when I saw that I had these voice messages.  I could not believe that he'd called and I was immediately pissed that my number had been given out.  Common sense says if I wanted anybody to have my number I would have given it out to them myself.  I made the mistake of trusting one person with my number and I hadn't intended to give it out at all but he could arrange transportation to his church for me.  He is the ONLY one that has my number and I believe when my son came to the old apartment complex that I'd moved out of last month he ran into this person and this person gave my son my number.  I'd told this person what my son had put me through and how disrespectful he had been to me and what he'd said as he walked away from me and I can't understand why he'd give my number out to my son after all that I'd explained as to why I didn't want any involvement with him again.  I listened to my sons voice and it felt like my chest was contricted.  I had been happy until I heard his intrusion.  It bothered me for the rest of the day but this morning I have resolved not to let this upset me so.  As far as I am concerned my ungrateful son has NO business calling me.  I could change my phone number--which I should not have to do--but it's an unnecessary expense as I now plan to just let the 2 month phone service lapse and I'll go back to my old cell phone.  My grand kids have my home phone number and I am getting that changed also so no one except my daughter in the Army will have my numbers and she knows not to give it out to anyone not that she would in the first place.  She's as bad as the others but she has more conviction for what I expect than the other 2 of my offspring do.  I am glad that I didn't give out my new apartment number too or that person who betrayed my trust and gave out my new phone number would have just as easily given out my house number and instead of a phone call I would have had an unwanted knock at my door and I would prolly have responded in anger at both of them had that happened.  Another thing to is why is my son calling me and he should be at work.  It's my understanding that he has a job and has been living on his own for three months.  I TRULY cannot believe that he thinks he can parade back into my life expecting me to take him in and have a repeat of what he put me through cause he's lost yet ANOTHER job and thinks mommy will rescue him again.  If he does by some chance think that then he's made a fool of himself.  I am so done mothering these selfish, hateful, unappreciative adult children of mine.  This is MY time now.  I was living my life for them and I made the choice to stop being stupid and live my life for myself and I am getting it done too and will continue to do so. 

Comprehensive2 Comprehensive2
Mar 11, 2009