What Shall I Do Now?

I am  a 56 year old male. As a child i was severely physically and emotionally abused by my mother.I came from a very  large family. I was one of 17 children. My mother singled out 4 of us to take out her frustrations on.

A few years ago I made attempts to make amends with her but to no avail.

She is now 86  years old and recently had a stroke and is in a nursing home. She isn't expected to survive long. I have carried this bitterness towards my mother all my life. My children barely know her. She was not a grandmother to them. Even in my adult life it has affected me to the extent I could trust no one and became a loner and have suffered several bouts of depression.

My brothers and sisters want me to go visit her before she dies but I have so much hatred and bitterness in me towards her that I am resisting. They claim my mother wants to see me. I told my family I would show for her funeral out of respect for the rest of them but am not interested in speaking to her now. What do you think I should do?

Your feedback would be appreciated.

baker998 baker998
56-60, M
3 Responses Mar 9, 2009

You should do what feels right to you... Keeping in mind that once she is gone you will not be able to change your mind... <br />
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Which do you think you will regret the most... going or not going...

I think before she passes it is important to visit her. Speak to her alone. Tell her that you forgive her, but that you have hurt for many years for what she did to you. I think she and you will both rest in peace.

[hugs] I am so sorry for you. This is hard. If you feel ready to see her - go see her. It may help you get out your anger so you can get some closure. She may not admit or give you an apology, but at least you will not wonder the rest of your life.