My Childhood Hell!

Ever since I was 2 years old I was abused by my stepfather, I finaly had the courege to move out at 17 years of age.

I dont want to go in to much detail as I already have flashbacks, of times when for example he through a screwdriver at my hand or the time be got me with thea dirty, brown, smelly, leather belt.

I have to say though I am greatfull that I was never sexually abused allthough I do vagly remember him coming in to the bathroom while I was having a shower and smack me n grab my hair and ram me in to the wall, when I was 12.

The main thing I remember is his eyes, they turnd bulging red and no matter how dam fast I fan he would always catch me and beat me dwn.

I remember once I saw him slap my mother, I lost control I think that was the first time I ever achually stood up to him,.

I remember the long hard stik, he used to keep in the umbrella stand. He used to say it was a cain and that when I needed to be punished, I had to hold out my hands while he hit them and is i mooved then he would hit me on the back or round the face.

But at the end of the day I still beleve he must have had a reason for doing all the things he did as it was all my falt why I got beaten.

but my counseler says that thats what he wants me to think as he has molded me through the years. But I dont know, I beleve I decerve everything I got.

I have to say that only one time I beleve he did it on purpouse was when he pushed me against the door handal and I lost my breath as I tenced up ready for a beating, and the blows came as he grabd something off the side. Even till this day I dont kno what it was, all I know is that it was bloody hard and i passed out from the pain.

At the moment I am receving counceling, but the memories are still there and they never will go away, and the onlything we can all do is learn from this and stay strong. love and light xx

 

firebird firebird
18-21, F
1 Response Mar 21, 2009

It's funny, no matter how many times a counselor tells us that we were not to blame, we still choose to blame ourselves. You did nothing wrong. No child deserves to be hit and no one can justify such acts of violence. I am very sad to hear that you blame yourself. Fortunately it was one of the first things that someone told me and it stuck to me like glue. I did nothing to deserve what I got. Neither did you. You might not realize how important it is to realize this just yet but your emotional recovery depends on it. Ask yourself a question. Would you ever hurt anyone the way he has hurt you? Do you think its your fault because he told you that it is? Try to separate his words from your own. Its difficult and takes practice so dont get discouraged. I always tell myself that memories are still there to remind me how I shouldnt treat other people. It builds a sense morale and character.<br />
Be strong...