To Those Who Have Shared Their Story...

To all of those who have had the grace to share their stories in this topic:
Whoever was cruel enough to harm you isn't worth your time. If you've already managed to put a stop to it and start/have moved on, then that just shows how amazing you are!
To those who are still confused, you just need to break away, and then NEVER go back.

Anytime i have ever talked about what happened to me in the past, i'm usually frowned upon, shunned, or no one can say anything. I felt like being able to end that nightmare was an amazing feat, and i just notice how people have viewed our stories and yet no one comments.

Do any of you get that kind of reaction? Like no one wants to talk about it even though you were willing to share? Like people are kinda creeped out or something by it all? (I'm not sure if i'm describing the feeling properly, but just a feeling of "different")

I want any of you who read this to know that you're freakin amazing no matter what some stupid guy says to you, and that you are capable of amazing things.

Feel free to comment to this, i want to try to break the ice (not many people know what we've gone through)
zipper42 zipper42
7 Responses Jul 15, 2010

No one is who you think they are. That's what happens after you're abused by the person you love. Like I'll be watching tv some actor will be talking and in my head I'll be thinking, "I wonder if he's ever hit a girl. I wonder if he ever would. I bet he has. He's a guy." I don't want to think this way. It's just really hard to trust anyone anymore and I don't even feel like my abuse was that bad. There are lots of girls and guys who've had it WAY worse than me and I can't even imagine the depth of their pain or confusion. I'm not going to be the person I used to be ever again. It's changed me forever. How can you ever trust anyone again? I'm still with my boyfriend, he's only ever been physical once and he said it's the first and last time ever. I want to believe him, but it's so hard. Part of me totally believes that it won't happen again and part of me is like, "well, you never thought it would get physical until it did." I don't want it to look like I'm choosing to be the victim. It's not as black and white as it seems, it's a million shades of gray and it's all consuming. Girls reading this who have been through this, please message me. I feel like no one understands. It's so hard.
Also, go listen to the acoustic version Massachusetts by Silverstein and The Last to Say by Atmosphere because you'll seriously feel like they're singing to you and that they know what you've been going through and it'll make you feel less alone for a little.

Beating girls is fun. Their defenseless. Ive had like 8relationships and i beated the living **** out of every girl i had. Why? Because its fun as ****. Plus raping is fun too. After i beated her up i started ******* her. Usually anally. And make her swallow my ***.

GOOD FOR YOU! You are a success!!! That is something to be super proud of!!!!! And yes....when the garbage started with him, I was confused and asked my family and friend (which I no longer have her because of him). My family blamed me. My friend dropped me. She told me she "didn't want anything to do with all this drama". So there I was and am. No support. I've keep quiet for 5 years. Now that I've found this site, I feel empowered! And to read your success story has shown me there is light at the end of that long dark tunnel!!!

my friend also reacted weirdly when I told her what happened to me. She cried when I told her the story and told me she thought I was stronger than staying with someone who'd treat me that way and now all of her replies to my texts are like one worded and it's like she thinks I'm suddenly going to break without warning or something. Like I'm too fragile to have friends right now or something? I don't get why our friends would react like this. Haven't we already been through enough without also having to worry about losing our best friend? Who's also often the only person we feel like we can talk to about this stuff. It's so weird.

Oh, I also wanted to add that you are only a victim if you choose to be. We have free will, in Canada anyway so if you are with someone who is not making you feel your best then you can either choose to be the victim or choose to not be a part of the cycle. Why settle for someone who treats you poorly when there will always be someone out there who knows how to treat you well consistently. When we let people abuse us it's because of our own issues. For all those that say they are scared to leave, I can imagine how much scarier it is for them to stay. There's always a way out and it doesn't have to end in a trip to the morgue. For those with kids get out quick because your actions will determine what your child will one day do when coming across an abusive situation. Learned behaviors are no joke and my mother who once told me, "do as I say and not as I do" never realized how ridiculous that statement really is because it isn't possible or probable. Children absorb what they see as actions speak louder then words for a reason.

Maybe people who read these types of stories don't always know what to say. I know that it can make some men feel ill to hear about these things happening. I've experienced abuse and I left before it escalated. Abusers find the victims weakness and use it to keep them around so it wasn't easy and took me a year which included several break ups, me flying out of the city without letting him know, ignoring his phone calls, texts, blocking him on social sites and finally calling the cops. I wouldn't tolerate someone hitting me but emotional abuse can damage more deeply because it's not as easily spotted. You don't always know it's happening as you would with physical abuse.

Others' tragic or embarrassing stories can generate all sorts of reactions in people. Some will respond as we would like and others are so affected by the situation that they withdraw. Still others may not know how to express their feelings. <br />
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I applaud your desire to encourage us to respond, and to support those in abusive relationships to make themselves safer.

Good for you!! And I mean that with my whole heart.