My Dirty Family Secret....

I was 4 I think when it first happened.  I have vague images of running around naked at the bach my Aunt used to own.  I remember genitals being touched.  Now I'm 8 and he is using me for "dry sex", invites the neighbour's son to do it too.  He wants me to recruit my friends.  He creates opportunities, makes me wear accessible clothes.  No underwear.  His head is where I don't want it to be, to this day I cannot stand being touched on my stomach.  He would lay his head there like a small child does to its mother.  I am sickened by the memories.  He is no longer in the country, I don't want him here ever.  He got my number from my sister once, rang and terrorized me over the phone.  I went into shock, and developed PTSD shortly afterwards.  It was my second breakdown, the worst one ever.  I thought I'd have to leave home - I was having nightmares that were so disgusting I couldn't be around males.  I know he hates me, because I told my family.  It's awful knowing your family knows, and they don't support you, they think I'm making mountains.  It's no wonder I don't know how to love anyone.  I never got love when I needed it, I got abuse.  I have spent a lifetime trying to cope, he has gotten off scott free.  I hope he dies.  I just hope he dies.
Annakey Annakey
36-40, F
3 Responses Feb 22, 2008

Come on nothing wrong with ****** it everywhere you need to relax and enjoy it,,my brother and i started hhaving sex age 6 and 9, it great

My parents did not believe me when I told about what my 6 years older brother was doing. I was 11 when I told and it had been going on since I can remember. I totally rebelled, drugs etc. I only trust God, no one else. My brother has moved far away and I am happy because he is a controlling jerk. I am now in my 50's but still remember what he did. Forgiveness is God's. In a human way I don't feel like I have forgiven him but it's like what would all that anger do now so I just give that to God also.

He is four years older than me, so when I was 8 he was 12, then when it ended when I was 12 (I ended it), he was 16. My Mum and sister put it down to "normal childhood touching" which is more common when the siblings are closer in age, and a lot younger - 2 or 3 and 5 or 6. By 12, they should know better. I agree Maidenwolf. a sign or tattoo would be a good thing. He is engaged, as far as I know there are no kids, but I dread to think what would happen if there were. If you are still touching young kids at that age, then you are a paedophile. My family are the kind that protect abusers - they didn't even stop to think that anyone else would have been jailed at that age. All hell breaks loose the moment that I do something they don't like, but then again I am NOT an abuser.