8 Years and Counting

Looking back, I was young and idealistic. I can remember my parents telling me that marriage was no bed of roses. I can honestly say it was for me, and I had a way of getting pricked by every thorn in the bouquet.

I was 16 when I married my first husband. I guess I still believed in fairy tales and happily everafters. It's sad because there was no real reason to get married except for the dreams of being loved and loving someone else completely.  I was not pregnant, as many young girls are when they marry that young. I just wanted to get away from my step mother. We didn't have a good relationship at all.

I will not say that I regret everything from my marriage because I love my children dearly. I will say the pain it caused in my life and their's was a sacrifice I never realized at such a tender age. 

After I left he used every trick in the book to try to get me to come back. I kept pressing forward. When he realized that wasn't going to happen, he turned into the devil again. He began finding ways to use our children to hurt me.  Even after all these years he still tries to get to me when he has an opportunity. I try not to leave any windows of opportunity open for him.

In the meantime I have made peace with myself. I have learned to forgive, not only him but myself.  I forgive everyday, even when it's not easy.

The hate I had for him has turned to pity. I used to see him as so strong and able to harm me. Now I can see the weakness in him, and why he needed so badly to feel so in control. Perhaps one day he will see this truth for himself, although it will not be me showing him the way. 

 My children, they are another story, I am here whenever they need me and I see that they have the tools they need to heal and I pray they never follow this cycle.

For those who are considering marriage. If you are young and idealistic like I was, remember time changes people, circumstances changes people, we all grow and sometimes we grow apart. Watch for signs while you are dating:

• Does he get jealous over your friends?
• Does he try to make you feel bad over something that makes you feel good?
• Does he call you to check up on you when you have plans with friends or family?
• Does he let you have your own thoughts and be your own person?
• Does he try to control things in your life, life the way your dress, places you go etc.?
• Had he ever hurt your physically or put you down in private or in front of friends?

Know the warning signs, and if you have any doubt just wait on the marriage part. I know you have heard it before, as did I. There is no rush on marriage. You have plenty of time. You will have much more to lose later on through a divorce than you would have by just waiting to make sure this is your life partner.