Dear Step Dad

I was only 7
When I first met you
I thought that you would be great
But then one night I realized
You weren't great at all
You told me to take a shower
Then put on a dress and come down stairs
I didn't know what you wanted
But I did as you said
And when I came down stairs
You were laying on the floor with your blanket
You told me to lay beside you so, I did
Then you started touching me
In places that mommy said were only met for me
I told you then to stop
So you did for a while then again you started
I was really scared
I didn't know what to do
I didn't want to say anything
I was afraid of what you were going to do
Something horrible and scary happened that night
I really wish it hadn't
I was afraid to tell mommy
Because I didn't know what she was going to say
Now that I'm twelve I still think about what you have been doing to me for the past couple years
Now you have sexually abused me one to many times
I have lost my virginity at the age of 7
I really want you to stop now because I could get pregnant
Sometimes I wish I was dead
I still didn't tell anyone except for a couple of my friends
You told me not to tell
I wish you would have just left me alone
Is this because I wouldn't let you adopt me
Or is it because I'm really pretty
You don't do this to my little sister
All these thoughts won't leave my mind
I wish I was in heaven
But now I don't know if god will accept me
Why did you have to put me through this
Is this all a joke to you
Because in my mind and heart I'm really hurt
I really need to know :(

noname2071 noname2071
18-21, F
6 Responses May 25, 2012

Please tell someone who can help you!!! I'm 19 and I regret that I waited to out my dad for so long. Get yourself justice and take your life back!!!

I've been there ... At age 7 as well I was just a kid but I think i was not raped (blocked all those memories) still I did plenty of stuff kids shouldn't even know aboutNow I'm 17 ,it stopped when I was 12. I got depressed as hell let me tell you , I know the feeling ,you feel you betrayed your mom, and not worthy because you think he took something precious from you ,something you'll never get back. I tried to commit suicide many times ,yet I couldn't .I tried to control many parts of my life like my weight and grades so I could be worthy for myself ,however, it got worse I got obsessed and went through anorexia. Finally ,my sister who doesn't know a thing about this invited me to church where I learned a lot of things and met a lot of people who without knowing gave me a lot of strength. Let me tell you , you are worth it , you are precious , you deserve to live and be happy. I haven't told anybody but my boyfriend ( who discovered it because he was abused as well and is really studious in psychology) , I think it's the right thing to tell my mom . I have a little sister and she's gorgeous and I'm afraid it happens to her , I love this kid .Besides I can't stand this man around me anymore ,even his loud breathing annoys and disturbs me . Still I don't get the guts and don't know how to tell mom. Please , you've been through a lot , talk. Get help from psychologist ,social workers, priests , whoever you can trust can give you a good advice ,maybe you won't talk at first but it will help your self esteem and you will confront him and tell him to stop that you are not into it. If he dares to do it again ,don't let him and if he does just one more time tell your mom and get that man behind the barres. And talk ,maybe I haven't but believe me that if you don't it will harm you more . Remember you are worthy

tell your mom and ignore him dont respond to him

Do positive things. study things you are interested in. You are being honest. People do not change unless they have the desire to do so. All of us can improve. Hopefully you will find the "peace of mind" that comes with God.

search 4 the truth....y dont you try studing bible with the jehovas witnesses...m stydig n m happy....try pliz...friend

that Lord loves you no matter what. TALK TO HIM he will be there for you