The Silence of Incestual Abuse

couple of months back when i was near the end of my studies and about to graduate, the exam time was drawing nearer and although i knew many people who were beginning to feel the exam pressure, i was practically at the best time of my life.. i had discovered my independence (in a way i'll describe later) and i was doing really well in my studies which were on a peak. i was one of the best students.

i sat near a friend on one particular day as we discussed the forthcoming exams, she described to me the general home issues (arguments) that were going on and how she felt her studies were deeply affected by it. i asked her "so what do you plan to do after the exams?", she pulled out a letter which for a while i thought was a promotion and so i gleamed her a smile, she looked at me silently

i read the letter which was from her doctor, going into some detail on this friends' mental state. as i read on, i stopped at the words "abused when younger". i froze. shivers went down my spine and i remember swallowing hard and i briefly looked at her and said "i went through abuse when i was young", i pretended to read on and she said "sexual?" i'd never spoken ever to anyone about this, this was something i longed buried away in the dark corners of my mind, even though occasionally it came back up and i learnt to brush them away. i had time to grieve on this for years, and only now can i actually speak about it.

anyhow, back to where we were on the question my friend had posed on me, i erupted in tears that were so uncontrollable, i had never even ever mentioned this to anyone and it was that day i realised how long i had really kept quiet about it. i felt so relieved i had found her, i cried so much that day, she was shocked that i had been through it. incestual abuse. and i was upset she had been through it too. we talked for a while and realised she was in a state i had gone through. she was at an extreme point of depression.

at some point in your life, the gruesome trauma catches up and you would rather die than to live with the memories. i was about 5 years of age when it had happen and carried on until i was 11, the perpretator was a family member whom i still live with this very day. and probably at the age of 15 the experience had made me so depressed and suicidal i never thought i'd grow up living a normal life. the nightmares, the memories, the trauma of it all was so much thinking back i must have spent most of my days thinking of self-harm

in it all, i just prayed to God that i would just forget and move on.

eventually through my prayers every night and just talking to myself and thinking positive, i eventually slowly did overcome it. but i never told anyone. i'm 21 now, going on to 22 and very successful in every thing that i dreamt about doing. i never told anyone thinking i was protecting my family, protecting the person who did this, and protecting myself.. but i probably did more damage than good

sometimes i think the whole experience has made me stronger and better, and i think positive. i've never completely forgotten, but it doesn't rule my life anymore. sometimes, it saddens me that i had to go through that, but i've also realised many people go through it and its just not right. to go through it silently is a pain i'll never forget, to have no one there and to be all alone is so dreadful. i'm sure i was at many points ready to kill myself.

today, i thank God with all my heart that He made me strong and i'm so glad i'm still living because i'm doing so much now and my life is wonderful. i hope by sharing this story, someone who might be going through recovery stages of the trauma doesn't forget that you can lead a normal life afterwards, and that you will be so glad that you're still alive and doing all the brilliant things that i'm doing right now

thank you God for everything

happyhorse happyhorse
20 Responses Aug 9, 2008

It's amazing how people who go through sexual abuse of some kind have the same 'problems' in later life. I feel like I can relate so much to what to said and I hope life treats to better now and in the future.

Beautiful to hear you articulate the process of allowing God to work through you with His compassion for others and strengthen you to have an impact on the world.

I had a similar experience you can read mine if you would like and thanks for sharing! Much love and respect!

Ok just trying to keep yourself happy is the best way to cope

me too but the sex was great

Stay Strong and think Positive thoughts!
With Love
From Emma

I was too molested by my cousin he used to have anal with me, I am a male by the way and aged 6 to 10 when he molested me. I just cannot forget my molestation....

I feel the same way especially when you see that person again!!

Much respect darling.

Hope you listen to your own advice and report your family member

So glad you finally let it out. It will eat at you like cancer. A good counselor is also helpful. If you haven't tried therapy, you should. My abuse went on for many years. Unspeakable acts by my stepfather and his sons, no other family after my mom died...I had nowhere to go. When I finally did break out of that hell I was amazed by how wonderful life could really be. My stepfather had make a lot of money of me, and thanks to our court system I got it all. I gave half of it to organizations that helped people like me, and used the rest to move halfway around the world. There IS hope. Never be discouraged! It may seem like the abuse will never end, but if you persevered, it will!

How you find the courage to do so?


you didnt give any details.. i was here for details

Thispost want written fit you to get off. It was written so someone could find comfort in themselves you ffucking sicko

that's sick. That's really sick.

so you can get off on them. I really hope not

This is the thing I can't never seem to grasp - the so-called emotional trauma. I was abused by my older brother when I was 5 years old, but I never grew up traumatized or feeling like I should die. Two years later, the same brother accidentally bust my lip playing karate with me. I treat both instances as one in the same, as past events in my life that have no bearing on who I am today. To me, being molested was just something that "happened" that's it. When I grew up and realized what molestation was, there was no traumatic trigger or feelings of shame or disgust. In fact, the only thing that worried me was why I couldn't feel the "trauma" that everyone else seem to experience. I am not 41 years old and have had a healthy life-long relationship with my brother. I just don't get the whole "trauma" thing. I never could.

To me, there are more traumatic experiences in life ranging from a relative being murdered or a relative selling all of your belongings for drugs. A relative having sex with you is the least of them.

A relative having sex with you against your will is rape, and rape is traumatic, especially when you are supposed to trust and rely on someone, a member of your family. Have a heart.

I can relate. My uncle molested me and I just did not feel any trauma.

In the US, women are trained to feel guilty about a phenomenon which is statistically normal. Scientifically, it is impossible for the act itself to cause psychological harm. It is the societal peer pressure that women internalize. It can even result in suicide. The same event in most other cultures, and all cultures, historically, is considered normal and harmless. When's the last time a female chimpanzee or Amazonian native killed themselves in the aftermath of intimacy with a relative? Never. It's purely psychological and specific to American culture.

its scum like you that give men a bad name

It is one of the great paradoxes that we have been God-given our wondrous sexuality, and yet we are saddled with completely irrational and ambiguous feelings of guilt and confusion about it.

I completely understand that your sweet 5 year-old psyche was not prepared for the feelings and responses you both felt, and engendered, by your obviously pleasing sexual responsiveness. Most children, as you did, know instinctively that family members -- young or old -- are in a "confidential circle", and are violating a trust when they engage in sexual activity with you at that age.
That said, YOU were expressing only love and affection through your sexual "accessibility"; YOU were not motivated by sexual greed, callousness or self-centeredness. You were wholeheartedly giving of yourself because YOU wanted to please, and later, to BE pleased. You had discovered, albeit earlier than you might have wanted, the miraculous feelings and actions your body can create. This is to be VALUED, not shunned or buried. YOU are to be valued! The fact that you accepted these feelings is nothing for which you should ever punish yourself. You simply in that you responded positively to the feelings of closeness and intimacy that were forced upon you. It may NOT have occurred with pain or anger or even actual force. Your feelings and responses (and even desires?) were absolutely normal, IF a bit premature. And you were fast learning of their heady power.

Forgive yourself the "jump start" and embrace your sexuality in all its wonder, for you ARE someone wonderful.

Not all people experience pain and suffering the same way! You could have been immune to it or numb. But me it was difficult and I had it done daily and my childhood lacks good memories.

3 More Responses

I have had sexual encounters with six (6) family member, at various levels of the tree. I initiated sometimes - was initiated by others.

I have never felt guilt or remorse or anything like these. I have embraced the experiences, and believe I am a well-adjusted, professional, productive member of society.

It would be good if others had the same experiences as I - under the same circumstances v. feeling they were abused or molested or ???

If family members have engaged in any type of intercourse with you when you didn't want it, that is called incestuous rape, and it is very traumatic.

If the encounters are consentuall, not coerced, I wouldn't think it traumatic. forced or pressured is an entirely different matter because it is a violation of another's basic rights to not be harmed by someone they have to trust. As a 5 yo girl, my mom would bathe me and would always rub me "down there". That is molestation and a felony, but I must say I enjoyed it and looked forward to our baths together. When I was 12 I would sit on my dad's lap and squirm until I could feel him becoming hard. I hoped he would want to take me and show me what sex was all about. I was dissapointed that he never did. I still hope that he wanted to tho. I lost my cherry at age 11 to an older boy I had a huge crush on and flirted shamelessly with. It was painful the first few tmes but later I was so happy to have finally had sex with him and enjoyed it immensly. I don't think I suffered any emotional scars from it at all. I have been a sex maniac ever since and it has been mostly a lot of fun. I wouldn't give up all those "statutory rapes" for anything. Best time of my life, carefree sexy and very popular teen. If the pill had failed me or if one of the boys had been diseased I might feel differentlly. Worst thing about my behaviour was that a lot of those young boys were hurt when I wouldn't be exclusive wtih them.

Why can't i add you?

Please reply with authenticity, support, and respect I and family had tons of sex too..all initiated and welcome by the taker

Why can't i add you?

I added you

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You deserved it probably, you led him on didn't you?

i flagged this answer i found it pretty disgusting.

Amazing. Have a cookie.

Why even bother being on a support site if you're going to be bitter and spiteful. Shove your cookie down your face and have a coronary. People like you are retarded.

No one deserves to be trapped you ******* idiot. People on here disgust me

How about you get off this site

Idiot! .... if you knew how to interpret your readings , .you would no be making such comment. Obviously she is referring at her promiscuity as a teen.

3 More Responses

I am glad you made it out of there. But you need to think of other children in that person life. Maybe a neighbor or another family member, the unthinkable needs to STOP, they will not stop on their own. We must Stop them. I did with my family. Because he hurt me at the age of 10 to 16 and then when I got married her hurt my daughter and son when they were 10. I found out when my daughter was 15, she finally broke her silence and told me. Because I felt something was wrong and told her that I will never leave her and she can trust me. We finally put him in jail and he is sitting in there for 5 years. They will hurt again. I wish I told someone sooner then my children would have not gone through this torture. Never keep secrets of this terrible act against children, someone will have your back for support.

I went through the same , with my stepfather actually. I'm still at my parents house,sometime a i feel i cant go on and that i need to talk. But as You said i want to protect my family, my stepfather(i feel pity for him ) and myself. Im not sure what's best to talk or try to move on without doing it. I'm very happy that you accomplished success ,a joyfull life and most of all found God.

Yes God will always be there, but you need to speak out to someone about this. Your family should not be protected because he did not protect you. Please think of yourself and others that might get hurt by him. Have faith that you are strong and is there anyone you can talk to about this?

God bless you and I pray you will truly love the man in your future.

i like your positive attitude!

Great ! Its a miracle that we can survive and grow through negative-sick behavior some of us have to face. Thank you !!!

you are strong and I am sorry that happened to you...but I am also worried, you said you still live with that person?