The Only Child Abused...I'm Asian. In my culture, abuse is not wrong. I was the second youngest out of 5 kids and the only child that got abused. My other siblings would get a whip here and there, but I got beat and brutalized till the day I got married @ age 17. Wait...there was an incident when I left my husband @ 18 and my mother tried to beat me with a shoe.
My mother used: wire hangars, shoes, cords, fly swatters, belts, rubber bands, her hands, and worst of all: her diabetic lancet needles.
Her infamous punishment when we were young was: kneeling and putting our hands up like crucifixion and hold it for 3 hours. She made the punishment harder by putting weights and have us carry wood. If my arms fell then she would whip it. When I was about 10 or 11, she beat me in the church bathroom because my brother and I argued over a toy. She took her shoes and beat me while I cried louder and louder. When we got home I pretended to be asleep, so they left me in the car. I prayed to God that he would save me because I knew I was gonna get punished. I went in about 5pm and had to kneel. The family went to sleep at 9pm and left me there all night.
So many events: my nail got bruised from a wire fly swatter @ 8, getting my knees pricked with diabetic lancet needles because I ditched school, she bought a chain to chain me to my Bed because I snuck out, taking a butcher knife in trying to scare me while calling me a *****(I was 15 and still a virgin @ the time), getting my ears twisted, smacked in the face, hair pulled.
This was all caused from a 4'11, 100lbs Asian mother. I was always so different from te family. I was sensitive, overweight, ugly, Unactive. My depression started at such a young age. I was always a loner because my mother destroyed my self esteem. It didnt help that the kids at school called me fat. Even at my age(22), I don't believe people when they say im beautiful or skinny.
I became a sexaholic, can't control my eating, I've always had anxiety and could never sleep, I fear women who are superior to me as f they're gonna yell at me, Im insecure and can't trust anyone.
My mother is still alive @ age 60. We do not speak. I refuse to see her or my family because it brings back memories. It hurts because no one helped me and my father was so dominated by my mother that he didn't have a voice. It has made me a bitter person.
How do I get help when I have no insurance? How do I forgive when I have no closure. I want tO believe that god will take the pain away. No one knows my story and my family is in denial.