He Hit Me

I can feel the flashback coming... first it is his voice, shouting, calling my mother a *****. I feel the rage surging up in my mentally wrecked and wounded mind, retorting that my mother is not a *****, before I turn and flee into my room slamming my door. It opens, and I see him standing there, like a monster from a horror movie, the light from the hallway flooding into my dark room where I am huddled into a shaking ball of fury and misery, darkening his face so much I can only see the outlines of his huge, tall figure. In that moment, I wish I could fly, or just fall dead onto the floor... A shouting match ensues, my memory refuses to fill in the details until the point where my stepfather totally lost control of his rage. I can still see his hand coming toward me, in slow motion, as it seems, both in daylight and in my worst nightmares... It's coming, inevitable, I am petrified, I can't move... It hits. A searing pain... and suddenly I am on my feet, I've had enough of this, first the years of mental and vocal abuse, and now he dares to hit me! Bastard! And before I know what's happening I turn into a furious beast, trying to claw his eyes out. He wards me off. I cannot remember what happened after this. The next thing I remember is trembling and screaming at him, pushing him out of my room - "OUT! OUT!! GET OUT!!!!" I must have been 13 years at the time of that incident. It only made things much, much worse. And now, seven years later, this is still haunting me - that feeling of being caged, unable to go anywhere, unable to escape, the terror and the emotional agony. It haunts me day and night, especially when I am alone. I still live in the same apartment as then, and sometimes it still feels as if he was here. He still comes here, because of his son, my half- brother. And knowing that he does the same, or possibly even worse things to my darling brother (he's 11) when he is alone with him breaks my heart, because I know that there is absolutely nothing I can do. Even after the divorce our private family hell goes on. Damn that psychopath.
Hidden Hidden
26-30, F
2 Responses Jul 23, 2007

im so sorry to hear that. i had a remarkably similar experience except that mine was being recorded on a video camera at the same time. if you need someone to talk to, just drop me a line.

Hi there.<br />
I am so sorry that you're still having to deal with that person - is there any way to get away? Can you take your brother and run? <br />
It seems that with all of the publicity and news and police that people would be afraid to beat kids.<br />
And I know better than that, too.<br />
Even when reported, the police don't arrest abusers.