Now This Is a Hard One...

To explain it all would be to give away the contents of my book... but I do have a hell of a story to tell.  All true, but some parts almost unbelievable.

The short of it, I grew up in a middle class family that last of 3 girls. While I was a young child my mother was manic depressive but they didn't know what that meant in the early 70's - so what it meant for me, was my mother was crazy.  and she sometimes hurt herself, but mostly hurt me. She didn't beat me, but she did things to terrify me.  Threatening me, chasing me around the house, burning my hand on the burner... but then finally when I was 12 she got well - and had finally gotten on the right medication.

I was a chubby teen - got teased forever. so I started to hang out with the bad boys... but these bad boys were my friends or so I thought... but then one day - they raped me - 3 on 1 - did things to me I never dreamt would happen to me.  Then left me for dead. If my friend hadn;t found me - I probably would of died then.

Then i went out with a really cute guy who was in a rock band, only after I fell in love with him - he abused me, raped, tortured me - it took me 6 years to get up enough courage to run, and I left with the clothes on my back and my car.  I slept in my car for 6 momnths... in the parking lot of my job.  they knew I had no pplace to go, so they didn't say anything - cause I was neat and clean at work and didn't blab about my problems.

then I met the man who would turn out to be my husband.  6 months later we were living together and it was  bliss... he was amazing... but then my jaw started to bother me.  I found out I had trigeminal neuralgia (a disease in the jaw caused by damaged cartiledge on the bone & nerve endings)... and found out it was caused by the 2 times my exbf broke my jaw. 

I was in so much pain, I couldn't work anymore... I turned to drugs... then went through a period of ddrug addiction,  my husband left me because he wasn't an addict, and couldn't watch me torture myself with drugs, then I dated another man who decided I was a *****, and he was my pimp - he sold my body for the drugs I used...

FINALLY then... I finally then got busted... it was prison that saved my life, and poetry saved my sanity.

I am clean now, and I will never use again, nor let any person a hand on my in violence again.
41-45, F
1 Response Apr 30, 2007

You are such a strong person. I would have broken long ago. Good luck to you~~