Its Hard to Say But Its True...

I was only little, elementry school age, well that was the first time. i used to hang out with this one girl and she lived in an apartment building where there was this guy and some other little kids that went to school with me and he would make us do stuff togeather... i was only little but i knew that something about it wasn't right. And then as i got older and started dating guys things just got worse, i ended up being raped by someone who i trusted so very much. to this day my life has never been the same, that was almost 6 years ago and i still haven't been able to keep a relationship, i still have night mares about it all. it ruined mylife!
blaikj blaikj
18-21, F
1 Response May 12, 2007

It sounds like a dismal feeling that you discribe. <br />
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I hope you have good days with some happiness or at least absence of this dark feeling. <br />
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Can you allow that the person who did this to you was a jerk, basically someone who had no boundaries, and who cared only for themselves?<br />
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Can you say that the person is the fool, the jerk, the stupid one and that you were then and are now an innocent person?<br />
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The problem with early molestation is a certain confusion: At some point there may be a feeling of closeness or even an ******* yet the circumstances are predatory.<br />
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The person that is hurt (that was you) begins to withdraw and hide emotions to protect themselves from what is happening to them. <br />
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OR, they identify with the preditor and fall "in love" during the close encounters, yet feel dirty afterward because they know it is wrong and they beat themselves up for feeling close or having sexual pleasure. <br />
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It is a TERRIBLE twist of true affection that is placed into the victim's mind. <br />
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I know several people who have with therapy been able to understand this and accept that they were used. They DO NOT NEED TO FORGIVE THEMSELVES. They had nothing to do with the situation. <br />
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Some are abel and some are not able to forgive the animal that did it to them.<br />
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I happen to have witnessed those who did forgive and move on. These peope made a more full recovery.<br />
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But, if you are not able to forgive, you will still have some recovery and relief. <br />
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Remember that you are a whole living being, you are much more than the sum of your parts. <br />
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The predator did not cut off your personality, or destroy your body, or <br />
take away your talents.<br />
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You are still you. You are still the baby and the child that was prior to the incident.<br />
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You are still you. You are still the person you are after the incident. <br />
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The incident or incidents took only a little bit of time from you and left some very ugly and distasteful memories, however, you have lived long since then and reached many goals, including maturity. <br />
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You are still alive!<br />
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Good luck, I hope something in here is helpful for you. <br />
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Radiant