The Bad Guy

I was this this guy who invited his friend over one night to watch us have sex. but we all ended up doing it. anyways, the new guy took over and eventually i left the first one. me and Mr. mean continued on with our BDSM relationship. Only it got out of control. He was a pharmacist and he gave me all kinds of pills that I didn't even really know what they were sometimes. he liked to give me abortion pills when i wasn't even pregnant. He lied to me one night and said he was taking me out to a nice club. we stopped by his house, which i had never been to before. Thats when he attacked me, inside on the kitchen floor, as soon as I got inside. he took my phone and threw it. he made me give him a ******* and he suffocated me and pressed my head into the floor and i thought he might break my nose. We had a safe word, but I COUDLN'T SAY IT because he was suffocating me. he took me upstairs and tortured me for hours, after i had begged him to stop hurting me and he let me drink some alcohol and take some pain pills so i couldn't feel anything at least. But i still felt it when he hit me in the face and blackened my eye and my skull. Then he raped me all night. I wasn't supposed to stay out late but he made me stay there all night. when i went home and back to work i lost my job. i never called the police on him and left the state to get away from him.
ijustneedtoletitout ijustneedtoletitout
31-35, F
2 Responses Nov 28, 2012

Omg. That's.....there are no words to really describe what you've been through. They wouldn't fit. I think you should have reported him, but I understand why you didn't. Have you found peace with someone else? Are you ok now?

Thank you for sharing this. It bums me out that the police weren't called, but I can understand why you probably didn't.
Knowing what you know now, is there anything you would do differently in the future? Any red flags that would make you get out of the relationship sooner?

It is hard to say about the red flags because we were already involved in a type of abusive relationship that was agreed on. Sometimes he would go to far and i would have to say the safe word, but i never expected there would be a time i couldn't say it like when being suffocated. By the time i was worried, it was too late and i was already in his trap at his house. he thought it was all funny and used his status as a pharmacist with a PHD to persuade me into believing he was better than me and didn't deserve punishment.

Interesting - I'm curious about the statement "type of abusive relationship that was agreed on." I'm not sure I understand that - it almost seems like you are saying that BDSM is abusive - but I'm thinking I am just misunderstanding what you are saying (so- I'm wildly curious for some clarification). And very interesting point about the safe word - I have heard people set-up safe signals - so that you can sign when you can't speak (any self-respecting Dom would be paying attention enough to watch closely for that). I've even thought about, "well, what if I couldn't move my hands, either - maybe humming 'Jingle Bells' would work." And ugh - yea, so not cool that you let him let you believe he was better than you. I'm just bringing this all up in hopes that it could help others learn what to look for and how to better prepare, I hope it doesn't come across like an attack.

by the by - this guy really sounds like a nut-bucket who wouldn't have listened, even if you said your safeword.

I did say the safe word that night he took me to his house, all through the night and he ignored it.

:/

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