Can anyone help me?




I was physically and sexually abused as a child.

My father is a sociopath so unlike many abused children, I never saw him fly off the handle or get angry, his abuse was controlled and calculated designed to torture myself, my older brother and sister every moment of our lives. His abuse came in the form of games such as drawing straws, flipping a coin or drawing a card (from a pack of playing cards) to see who would get a beating, the games where a daily feature in our lives. No one had to do anything wrong, we just excepted that they were a normal part of the day. If one of us did actually do something that required punishment then we would have to watch the other two get beaten, my father knowing it was far more heart wreanching to watch our sibblings get tortured for our own misdoings. The games started when I was two and lasted until my boyfriend at the time rescued me when I was 17. I am now almost thirty an have tried everything I think of to keep my childhood from drowning me. I have been to therapy, I have confronted him, I have had mediation with him, I have forgiven him, I have even had spiritual healing, but the nightmares continue. Can anyone help me?

zaylee zaylee
26-30, F
1 Response Mar 7, 2009

I am 32 and I still have the nightmartes I'm not sure if they will ever stop I am just better at coping with them now.