Falling Apart


I don't know if I can make it through today.


I was sexually abused for the first 6 years of my life. Then again through my teens.

I'm now 26 and last new year (1 year and nearly 3 months ago) I was drugged and assualted. He was trying to rape me but my friend rescued me. But he did a lot of stuff to me already and I couldn't move to get him off. 

For months after that I Kept having body memories. I would suddenly start shaking all over then heaving and my skin would feel like it was burning and tiny creatures crawling all over it.  It's not happened for a while now but yesterday and today it has started again. I''m living in a different country where no one knows my history and I don't know if I can trust anyone enough to share what is going on for me. But all the people I work with are noticing that I'm being weird.  I keep having to run to the toilets to curl up in a ball until I can breathe again. And I'm tearing at my arms all the time.


I self harmed for 9 years and now I'm 11 months free but I don't think I can make it any longer,


I just want it all to stop. I don't want to remember what he did to me.



brokenpixie brokenpixie
22-25, F
1 Response Feb 22, 2010

I sure hope you made it through the day- and although it may notseem like much to you - YOU can control all your thoughts!<br />
NO ONE can make you feel that way unless you DO hand over all your power?!<br />
Fight back- and be a 'whole pixie 'again!!!!<br />

Don't know if you are still on this group but If you are I just wanted to let you know that I am having a really hard time right now, but I just read this response and it lifted my spirits alittle. Thank you. I'll be whole one day!