Found On Facebook

So I was adopted, and I always knew this. Growing up it was something my adoptive parents were in fact embarrassed about. I rarely brought it up growing up because it would upset them.

While I was overseas with my family I went on facebook at the airport. I didn't use my real name on my facebook account just a nickname no one called me since I was very young. I found a message asking if my real name was J, and stated she was trying to find her biological sister. Her name I reckonized, she was listed on my birth certificate as a sibling. At first I thought it was maybe an off prank don't by one of my friends so I asked her some carefully placed questions over time mixed with things my friends knew, only members of my biological family would know and things that were outright not true. She answered perfectly.

I gave her my number and we started talking, she had three children and following the death of our gran she wanted to find me. Slowly I got to know other members of my family over Facebook. It wasn't until I saw a photo of my youngest biological sister that it all became real, minus hair colour she almost looked exactly like me.

I met my biological sister first (the one who first contacted me) because she was the one I was most comfortable with. Next was my cousin because simply he was in the city the same day I was. My biological mother was very nervous, it took awhile for her to contact me on facebook or phone, and cancelled meeting me twice. When I finally met her she brought my biological brother along and I could tell right away she was very nervous and frightened. I guess she thought I would get angry with her or ask her heaps of questions. After awhile my brother whom I just met and myself was able to get my biological mother to relax and talk freely.

What I knew about my biological family before I met them was minor. I knew my biological mother had a gambling addiction (though I'll be honest to say I thought it might of been exaggerated to try to keep me from gambling). I had a lot of brothers and sisters, and my adoption was due to me requiring special medical care when I was really little.

Well my biological mothers gambling addiction wasn't exaggerated at all, but she is a kind and caring person from what I have seen, I have 8 siblings, and the medical care part was very true. ( even I remember the days off school for the scedual doctors appointments).

I struggled at first coming to terms with my biological family, for starters I felt like ( and still do) the centre of some kind of popularity contest, if I see my cousin more then once my aunt wants to know why I didn't visit her. There was also a huge issue involving my biological mothers boyfriend apparently molesting my youngest sister and he even contacted me at one point on Facebook and threatened me. A lot of my friends were concerned after that inccident and many asked me to lessen my contact with my biological family.

The worse moment was when one of my friends found a newspaper article concerning one of my brothers who shot someone in the back during a drug related dispute. A few of my friends even went as far as to threaten my biological family to "stay away" because I didn't need "their problems" in my life.

My biological father added me on facebook but like my mother is really nervous about meeting me. He still hasn't. It has been both a wonderful and difficult experience.

I grew up in such a different life as my family, I was never exposed to drugs or poverty. My adoptive family was actually rather well off. But if I learnt anything it doesn't matter, despite very different backgrounds we are very a like in many ways. I still stay away from some of the issues that go on. Mostly the drugs and disputes with other people or each other. But individually I never expected them to be so accepting of me. I am part of their family as far as they are concerned.

Sometimes I feel desceptive since my adoptive family knows nothing more about my biological family other then I have met them. After my friends reaction I am nervous about what theirs would be and I feel some what like I dance between two family's careful not to let one know about the other. Mostly I try to treat them as I would treat a family member but it can be hard. Unlike the family that raised me, my biological family will say nasty stuff about one another mostly it's aimed at my biological mum. I'm not sure where I would go from here, or even what my next step should be. At the moment I am more focused on a new job which has given me a break a little bit from dealing with it.
I hope in the future I can work everything out, and even understand how I feel about the last 2 years but overall I am happy that my sister found me on Facebook
Thejodesta Thejodesta
Sep 16, 2012