I Got More Than A Birth Mother...

I have been searching the internet for days now and I haven't found any information or stories similar to mine. Like most adoptees I was given up for one reason or another and I was raised by my adoptive family.
I was born in one city to one family in 1993 and then was raised in another city not too far (but far enough) by another. I was raised with a brother who, like me, was also adopted. He is nine years my senior and while age has always been a factor in our less than close relationship, that is now changing with me coming into adulthood.
When I was little I was told of my adoption and I was raised with that knowledge. I never doubted that my Adoptive family loved me, and being adopted was a fun fact to let loose in class now and again. Other than my big brother I have never really known any other adoptees.

When I was in elementary school I was curious of my past. Who was I, who were they, why am I here and not there, why didn't they want me, etc? Many questions that passed through my mind were deemed normal. But they were never answered, at least not fully.
When I got to high school I was determined. If I found my birth family I would know who I was. While there I met a young woman, she was in grade 12 and I was in grade 9. We would bump into each other in the halls but neither of us knew who the other REALLY was. Soon those four years passed and though I had started many a letter, I never mailed one to the adoption agency that handled my case.

So there I was 17, not sure what to do. So I applied to school halfway across the country, got in and was living there by the time I turned 18, two months after my high school grad. I was playing on my computer one day and found an email on my Twitter account.
"After 18 long years, I would love to get to know you." the email read.
Curious, I responded. Three emails later, the truth came. This was my Sister! Well, my half sister. We are uterine siblings and share the same mother. She was also the girl I had met in high school.
At first I was in shock. I hadn't even put my papers in to find my bio family, how did she find me? Why was she the first to make contact?
Then it hit me. She was three years older than me. Three years.
She was never adopted, never seperated from our mother. Yet she had not known of me.
After she graduated the high school we attended together, my Bio Mom told her everything.
How she had concieved another child, given that child for adoption, then learned that her second child was going to school with the first. She had met with my Adoptive parents and they decided to keep our origins a secret to each other.
Over the next year, I met both my half sister, my bio mom and my bio father(Who was only told about me when I was 16). I have met numerous relatives and my Sisters husband and two kids.

I was happy at the time. Now things are changing again. At first I guess I was in shock, so I thought that I was fine with everything, now the shock is beginning to wear off.
I'm angry and cold. They want my attention, want me to go out, call them, visit them. And I... I can't. I can't tell them that I want to be left alone, that I don't want to know them, to go out or visit. People who I had once thought would be the ones to tell me who I am, are now the people I want nothing to do with.
It's a harsh reaction, as they have never done anything to make me feel less than welcome. I'm not sure where it stems from, and I can't find any one else in my position to tell me if I'm being selfish, or if this is normal and I simply need more time.

Which brings me to my conclusion. This is why I'm here. I am hoping to find more people in my shoes. Not the exact same ones, but perhaps similar ones.
draconia draconia
3 Responses Dec 3, 2012

I believe it is normal. I am currently feeling the same thing. My birthmom just found me a year ago, and I have met her twice now. She wants me to come to see her, wants to call all the time, and I thought I wanted to. Now I just want her to go away and leave me be. I already have a mother. One that raised me and fed me and cared for me. I don't need another one. I am so glad that you shared because I have wondered the same thing. Now I know I m not alone. Thank you.

I'm an adoptee!!!

It is normal, they want more from you than you can give at this time. Or maybe ever. You were curious before but you do have a family. That family bond is strong and you don't need another. My bio dad's wife once informed me his other kids called her mom. I felt like a deer in the headlights. All I could think was I made it 26 years with out a mom I hardly wanted one now. Of course I had the class not to say it. As for his parents I really liked them, but the emotional attachment just never formed for me. They are wonderful people and I felt awkward about it. But when you meet them as an adult (I was also in college) you just can not force what you missed out on growing naturally. Relax be glad they are nice people. Stay in touch if you want to, but don't force anything you do not feel. Let them know you are happy to be friends but keep it cool if you want to. You are not obligated to them. Hugs