Contemplating On Being Adopted

Any one adopted knows it's a different kind of club. I suppose our upbringing plays the key role in our independence, self worth and attitude toward family. I'm in my 50's now with 3 grown outstanding children so I have more time to reflect on the effect being adopted had on my life. Never knew the straight story and since both my parents, my real parents vs. birth mother, have passed I never will. Have wondered throughout the years if I've had any blood siblings, have wondered what a relationship with a sibling would be like. I have instead adopted people. I consider my self lucky that I have been able to chose my family, not always wisely I might add. I do think there can be a loneliness, a feeling of being first in line. There are also health issues and curiosity from time to time. I also think there is an independence and sense of responsibility for ones self. It's like we started with a blank slate. No genetic ties to get in the way only what we choose to do with our environmental upbringing. LOL I grew up being told and believing I was of Irish heritage. It wasn't until my Mothers death that I saw my original birth certificate and found my birth mother's name was distinctly of English origin!!! Decided to stay Irish. Understand, I love the English but it's sort of a mind set thing.       
mflatham mflatham
56-60, F
6 Responses May 20, 2007

I was 1 day old when I was inducted into this club. I was always told by my parents I was adopted and it was never a issue and I never even thought about it at all. When my sister who is also adopted found her Birthfamilies my curiousity was peaked. I found my BirthMother and her familly. I have always told my Mother how glad I was she adopted me after seeing them because I am so thankfull they raised me and made me part of there family, they are and allways will be screwed up disfuntional. I had a wonderful life and I would not change a thing, my parents were supportive, provided disipline, morality, faith, drive and love, all of which my BM didn't with her kids. I was and am better off. I love my family both of them but as anyone in this club know's it is different between the two. They are both my real family but it is different, anyone can pop a kid out but not everyone can parent and raise and love a child

i never know my real parent i got droped at a orphange when i was born. thats what the nuns told me. but now i have wonderful adopted parent and they love me alot

I just want to share some about being on the other side. I adopted two kids and I also have 3 born to my ex-marriage. Both me and my ex have been very open about the entire adoption process and my son, now 27 has an ongoing relationship with his birth father and birth family. He is and has been such joy in my life and I feel like him being in my life has been such a gift.<br />
On the other hand, my daughter who is now 20 has made it a relentless campaign to make all of us feel like we are not her "real family" and has created some imaginary idols of the very disfunctional parents that not only could not care for her but who abused and neglected her to the point of loosing custody. For many years we respected her feelings, gave her all we had to give, and encouraged her to find her birth parents so she could get clear about her life but rather than even truly pursuit this, she kept with the never ending agression towards us.<br />
The bottom line is that she allienated us to the point that we do not want her in our lives-we are all sick of being slapped in the face by her and now she has nobody left to hear her "poor me" stories.<br />
My point is to encourage you to love your adopted parents with the same unconditional love that they gave you. If we can love you as much as a child born to our bodies, if we are willing to fight for you, give you all we have to give and we do not sit around wondering how life would be with a different child then we have loved enough to get the same from you.

I appreciate this, and it makes me realize how lucky I am to know a lot of information about my birth mother. And I think you said it right how being adopted is a different kind of club. It's so unique for every individual and people try to package it up so nice and neat and it never really works out right. But, from my experience, it's how you create the life you live, not how it was started and it seems like you've made a pretty good one yourself. :D

Love your story. I'm 31and have struggled with being adopted my whole life. Not knowing... your humor makes my heart smile. Thanks!!!

I think you are very couragous and appreciate the story. I have the adoption thing but not the same as you. I was adopted in the 7th grade by my step-monster, her 2nd hubby. I have a brother from the same dad and then two siblings from the step. I don't believe any of us look alike and do know where my birth father is but he was removed from my birth certificate by the state of FL and replaced with the new (much younger) one. <br />
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Regardless, you are strong, you created a whole new generation who will continue to make you proud.<br />
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Hugs<br />
msp