Confused

I am confused.. My son that I gave up for adoption when he was a baby, has found me!

He is now 21, he found the papers of the adoption.. We do talk everyday, he lives 5 hrs away, but yet his adoptied mom isn't too happy about us talking! She desn't know anything about me, only my name..But he is an adult and this was his doing! He and I get along so well... If I were to go see him, she would get upset, cause she thinks I'm going to take him away!

What  should I do? I don't want to cause problems between him and his adoptied mom...

kdarlin kdarlin
41-45
8 Responses Mar 28, 2009

Hopefully as time passes this will become easier. When I received the first letter from my birth mother I was so out of my league that I took it to my birth parents. This didn't go as planned. Instead of me getting support as a child I found myself faced with all of there emotions. I was not to know. I wish they had seen it from my side that I loved them so much that this huge situation I chose to go to them for help. My birth mothers hand writing was exactly like mine and the photos were a shock as I looked like them. From here on in my life spiraled, my brothers who were also adopted called me insensitive and disloyal. I was for a period of time rejected by them all. I sort counseling and came to understand why they acted that way. They were threatened but more importantly this had resurfaced the fact they couldn't have children and had lived for all those years thinking of our family as a unit without any thought of you who gave that child up. You have a right to see your child and he has a right to see you. Just tread carefully and maybe your son can reassure them. He is probably finding it difficult. My situation has come full circle with my adoptive parents but I had a very difficult time fighting for the right to have them in my life. I often feel like I'm the adult trying to make everyone happy. I wish you all the best, my relationship with my birth family fell apart but that is another story. I have deep feeling for birth mothers and what they have been through.

I am an adoptee. My adopted mom had a chance to meet my bio mom but she turned it down. Too bad, I think she was afraid of what I might say.<br />
Adoptive parents who have a good or great relationship with their adopted children have nothing to worry about when it comes to their adopted child choosing their bio family over them. <br />
Adult adoptees know how they were treated in their adopted family and so do the adoptive parents. If it was good than they don't have to worry about their adopted child telling their bio family that they were beaten, sexually abused, forced to deal with racial slurs or jokes, and basically unloved by their adopted family.

I'm sorry!:( I was adopted, and my thoughts on this is you shoudn't worry about the adoptive mom. I can understand why you want to make a good impression, but to be honest if it weren't for you the wonderful son that you two have in common wouldn't even be here. It's hard for the adoptive parents; she probably feels like he's rejecting her. She and only she can change her mind or point of view. Maybe you should tell your son your feelings and the three of you could talk about it together. Best of luck!

omg well i am a child who was adopted i know my birth mom but am still waiting to find who my birth father is. i think you and the mother should sit and talk with your son and let him be the decider of his own destiny. if he wishes to stay a comunicate with you then the lady needs to accept that. im sure he has enough heart for the both of you.

I can understand as well. I am really sad right now to be honest. <br />
<br />
My sister recently just was told she has another 4 siblings. She has no memory of what happened to her and has made me a proud 18yr old aunt of her 2 little girls.

I can why this would be confusd for him, he's in the middle between two moms that love. But yet he says he can't talk to his adoptive mom like he can to me! He and are so much alike...

Thanks for the comment!<br />
<br />
I can understand her being proctective of him, but I feel I'm very proctective of him cause I feel I have my baby back in my life...<br />
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Oh, yes I am as well as he is.. haha, I felt as he had me under the hot lamp asking me questions after questions, but I didn't mind!<br />
<br />
Strange on the day we met, I was 21 when I had him, he was turning 21 3 days before I met him! He's the one who found the papers that his adoptive mom had in the desk!

((Hugs!))<br />
<br />
I am sorry to hear that. As an adoptee it must be hard on him as it is you. <br />
<br />
I am an adoptee who has recently found her family. <br />
<br />
Chances are the adoptive mom is being really proctective. <br />
<br />
Are you comfortable with talking to him is the question? He found you.