I Was Adopted... And It Is Not Easy To Deal With ...

I was born February 26th 1987, a premature baby weighing 5 pounds 5 ounces. 

This is what i have been told from my family i have now: My mother was a raging alcoholic and drug addict, who also happened to have diabetes,  and she died shortly after my birth  - after slipping into a diabetic coma. 

Apparently my father wanted nothing to do with me ... so i was sent to a foster home with many other children.

 

I was than adopted at about the age of 2, to the wonderful loving supportive family I have now.

It has not been an easy road... and for as long as i can remember, I have known i am adopted.

On my birthday, i cry... because it just does not feel right... i just remember that my mother is passed, i will never get to meet her, or my father who wanted nothing to do with me. I have never seen pictures of them and I am afraid to visit the adoption records place, because i fear i will not get any information.

I hate mothers day and fathers day... just bad reminders... Bad reminders that i grew up being diagnosed with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and when I was 5 i was diagnosed with ADHD. Thanks mom... Oh, and there is also a possibility I may be dependant on alcohol, so at 23, i try to be careful with my drinking. 

There is also a good chance i will grow up and end up with diabetes. I could be lucky and alcoholism and diabetes could skip my generation. 

I am afraid to have children, partially for these reasons. My children could grow up alcoholics and diabetics... than where would i be? I would hate myself. I am also afraid to have children because my mother died shortly after death... 

It kills me that i dont even have a picture of my mother, or father...that i will never know my flesh and blood. 

Everyone always says : family is not always your flesh and blood... its the people who raise you... and yes that is true ... mostly... but unless you are adopted than you wont understand the pain associated with something missing in your life and in your heart.

ashsmith ashsmith
22-25, F
2 Responses Mar 7, 2010

My bio mom was also an alcoholic and died from diabetes at age 39 (I was only 18 so I never met her). My bio dad was also an alcoholic and several of the siblings I have found are recovering alcoholics.....but I have never had that tendency. I have always been cautious about alcohol....which is a wise thing anyway. I'm 52 now and have no sign of diabetes. I have two wonderful sons who are in their late 20's now, who also have no sign of diabetes or alcoholism.<br />
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My advise would be to find out what you can so that you have some answers but don't let this consume you. You have the possibility of a wonderful future. Don't let your fears and worries take that away from you. "You can't change your past but you can change your future"<br />
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I wish you a life of happiness.

You've got a great family now. Be thankful for that much. I understand the need to fi nd out the biology of your natural parents, I am in that processss now. Dont let it be all consuming . It isnt the people who created your physical being that made you the person you are to day. It is the ones who loved and cherished and helped you thru the times of the physical pain that you should cherish. Any consolation on the health issues is that most ti mes the female child does not inherit the mothers health issues. Not to say that playing it cautiously is wasted, but that it is possible that you are not so predisposed that you dont live your life in fear. Take the step and try to get the information you desire. Remember though, it is not going to fill any voids you may feel, or fantisize to make your life a better experience. Only you can do that.