Jane

I was very young, so young I can't remember exactly when I was told I was adopted, but it never bothered me, I was an only child, and despite what you may have heard about "only children" I was never spoilt or fussed over.  My adoptive Mum, bless her, had lost both her baby (still born) and her first husband (to TB) during the latter years of WW2, she married again but couldn't have any more children, she and her second husband were looking for a baby to adopt.....a friendly neighbour, who happened to be a Rector, was a very kindly gentleman, and took to his heart the unmarried mothers in his parish, he visited these ladies on a regular basis, and one day found a little baby at a "Home for Unmarried Mothers" who, apparently, charmed him...because the baby "had a mouth that would smile" 

So, at the tender age of eight weeks, I was taken away from my birth mother and placed with a foster mother, and from there to my adoptive parents.  My Dad was a lovely man, caring and kind, gentle and sweet, clever, he could always mend my toys or fix anything broken.. but weak...I could recognise that early on.  Mum had a temper!!!! Oh boy did she have a temper!!!  But years on I found out that she had been on medication that in those long ago years was given to any woman going through the menopause in the early 1960's, she had taken herself off the meds, and because of that, like anybody would, she had withdrawal....so she was grumpy, short-tempered, liable to shout and lash out...and me, being small, always got the shouting and smacks!

No, it wasn't a bad childhood, I was never starved or badly hurt, lots of good fresh veg, proper home cooked meals, good schooling, clothes and toys always second hand but that was just because my parents were not well off.

When I was nineteen I got pregnant.   I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl on Christmas Eve 1975.  Mum had almost disowned me by this point, although she came to visit me in hospital, she refused to look at the baby.  Dad looked at the baby, smiled at me , said "she looks just like you when you were a baby"  I loved him for that, but it took years for me to forgive Mum, especially when I gave my baby up for adoption and all she could say was "you are a ****, just like your mother"

Anyway, I am now back in touch with my baby, now in her thirties.  We have lots in common.....nature and nurture.....I have forgiven Mum...she is 93 now, and it is my turn to care for her. 

 

Thanks for sharing this with me.

kimdenise kimdenise
51-55, F
4 Responses Mar 13, 2010

I am glad to read you and your daughter were reunited. Nice to see a happy reunion.

I am happy you were reunited with your daughter.

You are obviously a very kind, understanding and forgiving person. What a story! I had a similar situation in that I'm adopted and also gave up a child for adoption. My parents were very cold hearted about it too and basically said the same thing...that I was just like my bio mom (who they aways had told me was a terrible person). I never could understand how they could turn their backs on their "grand-daughter". I have also forgiven them....but the pain will never go away.

Poignant, but beautifully observed. Sad that you ended up giving up your baby for adoption, like your mother.