Inferno

So I am writing another story.
I got harrassed after a night at a bar in the capital of our country. Or more like I got sexually abused then. I got over it without many problems.
Then, 3 weeks later one of my closest friends strangled me and decided to do the same as the first guy.
Talk about scarring of the soul. I know there are people who've experienced worse than that.
But I must say that I've experienced a lot of sexual harrassment and abuse in my 19 years of life. Both from strangers, half-strangers and family.
So that later event hurt like hell.
That caused my bulimia to kick in proparly, made me hate myself even more and just messed up our relationship with my boyfriend.
My school is going downhill, my weight is going up and it feels like a ******* rollercoaster-ride of doom, hate and destruction.
I can't focus on anything, I see nightmares, I eat and I purge and eat some more. I can't sleep proparly, I drink every time I can and I just want to kill everyone sometimes.
This is all for today. I need to take another shower soon. Mias and bulimics may understand.

Edit; So this guy who did all that to me (whome we shall call F). As evil as this sounds, I got my revenge. My crush punched F (who was okay with that and understood why) and apparently I made F break down mentally. He ended up laughing and crying and hitting himself last night. He had been drinking again though.
As a sidenote, F and I share a history of a cat&mouse-game where he tries to get me and I keep telling him we will never be together. When F did what he did, I felt like he won our game. Oh but last night... I won. Not on purpose, but I did. I can forgive him a bit more now and some day I will forgive him completely. End of this story.
Neminia Neminia
18-21, F
1 Response Nov 27, 2012

Unfortunately it is too easy to lie and deceive, and that means it's too easy for predators to pretend to care about us too. Always be vigilant. Personally I'd rather push people away because I don't trust them (if they choose to go away) rather than risk them hurting me. People who want to hurt us are the monsters, we should not allow ourselves to think as negatively as they do. Hurting ourselves or others is not going to help (thoughts like those are not from a place of love). I hope you will be okay and keep strong girl!