Invisible Scars For An Invisible Crime

Although I currently lead a decent life, there was something that happened in my life that changed me. Something that messed me up completely and utterly. The level of emotional scarring this left on me has caused me to have to see a psychologist, whom I quit seeing after six months because I physically could not bring myself to talk of these events out loud. This is my story.

It was two and a half years ago. My best friend got a new boyfriend. I never met him in real life, and I hope he'd never met me. The scary thing is, I don't know.

It began one night when I wanted to finally talk to this boy. We had a three way call. He seemed so nice, so level-headed. We talked about shows and books the three of us liked. He talked so intelligently, I enjoyed talking and occasionally debating with him. We happily continued to talk until my friend said she had to hang up. She disconnected from the call, and I was about to do the same.

"No, let's keep talking."

It seemed so harmless. A conversation over the phone. We talked together, continuing the same conversation. It got late. Suddenly, he sounded nervous. At the time I thought it was sincere. I asked what was on his mind. He began to tell me about the "forbidden fruit". I didn't quite get it at first. I was only 13 at the time. Then, he said it.

"I want you to ********** with me. Now, over the phone. I need you."

I should have hung up at that very moment. I should have, but I didn't. I didn't know what to do. I froze. Then, I agreed. I didn't touch myself though. I couldn't. I pretended. I played along while he did it on the other end of the line. I felt so disgusted, and contemplated hanging up right then, but what good would it do? After that was over, I hung up for the night and went to bed. My conscience was aching.

The next morning I called my friend as soon as I woke up, and I told her everything. She was furious at first... but she forgave him. She forgave the boy that was blatantly cheating on her, or at least trying to. I wanted to tell her not to, but she what else could I do?

I got a phone call from him later that day. I though he would be furious with me.... he acted calm, like he understood. He apologized to me. I felt relieved, and told my friend that he'd apologized for what he did. I thought that would be the end of it. I was so stupid.

That night, after saying my goodbyes to my friend for the night, he called me. I picked up. I was so stupid. He told me to do what he said or he's find me. He said he's find me and hurt me. I was so afraid. I didn't know him, I didn't know if he really would do it or not. I was terrified. He laughed as I cried. He made me do things with him over the phone. He made me say things. He made me say things to him, and whenever I hesitated he would hang a threat over my head, saying he's find where I lived. He said he would hurt me. He said he would make my life a living hell. I was so afraid. By the time we'd hung up, I felt so dirty. I cried myself to sleep that night.

The next morning I called my friend. In tears, I told her everything. I told her how scared I was. She broke up with him that day. She told him that if he dared do anything to me, she would make him pay.

For the next few weeks, I would get messages from him.

"You dirty pig, you made her break up with me. You're nothing but garbage."

"You *****, you should just kill yourself. You're a stupid *****, a ******* dog."

"Nobody loves you, you ugly ****. I hope you ******* die."

Each message was more vulgar than the last. I cried myself to sleep many times. That was the first time I inflicted harm to myself, something I wouldn't legitimately do for another two years.

I never told my friend. Not for a couple of weeks. Finally, I couldn't bear it. I copied some of the messages and sent them to her. I told her what had been happening. That was the night before I left for jazz camp. That week I didn't touch my cell phone. When I came home, she said he would never talk to me again.

The only other time I ever heard from him was several months later, when he called and asked me if I could get my friend to go to a concert with him.

I hung up, like I should have done in the first place.
EtherealMelody EtherealMelody
18-21, F
1 Response Nov 29, 2012

Ok....? How is this almost raped? Its not even that scary why would u let it ruin your life and scar you? If it was rape it wouldve been worst. You talking like its the end lf your life exaggerating made it seem so serious. until i read the story to find out it was nothing. Riiight