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So Scared I Felt As Though I Couldnt Breath

What happened to me happened almost a year ago and yet every day i take a deep breath and i still don't feel the same. I walk around and smile like everyone else pretending to be normal but in reality im just trying not to show how broken i am. Last year i visited my friend in Australia where i was drugged and almost rapped two days before heading home. My friend's mom was having a party and she forgot to pick up desert but there was a corner store just a few blocks away so i offered to go since it was i was a guest who wanted to help out. I was walking next to the woods and thought nothing of it cause there was a road on my other side but my attacker came up from behind, drugged me, and dragged me into the woods. I was so disoriented that it took me a few seconds to realize what was happening to me. I have alot of medical problems so im used to strong pain killers and that high feeling but this wasnt like anything ive ever experienced. He was on top of me and i was looking right at him but i couldnt see his face everything was so blurry and disoriented from the drug. He was talking to me but it all sounded so strange and incomprehensable like a deep slow motion anger. I tried to scream but he put a knife to my neck and his hand was on my mouth and screamed something but i don't know what it was. He had his hands on my chest and my stomach slowly moving them on my body. I was trying to feel around for a rock or something just to get away but there was nothing was leaves and dirt. My heart was racing so fast i felt like it could pound out of my chest ive never felt so scared in my life but when he unzipped my shorts i was so scared i couldnt breath. I grabbed dirt in my hands and shoved it in his face. I got out from under him i dont know how but i did and ran as fast as i could. I remember that when he was dragging me he didnt turn me so the direction my feet were pointing was the direction the road was and i ran. I sat down infront of the store tried process and realized that i needed to pretend like nothing happened. I was in Australia so what was i going to do? I was leaving in two days so would the cops not let me go home? I was starring right at him but i have no idea what he looks like or what his voice sounds like and i was not gonna take the chance of being held in Australia cause all i wanted in that moment was to go home hug my mom. I just had to pretend like nothing happened and so i picked up the apple pie, walked back, had a shower and smiled. People were having drinks and so they assumed that i was just drunk not drugged. No one suspected anything not even my friend and then two days later i got on a plane and came home but happens in Australia doesnt stay in Australia. Every time someone touches my back i freak out i mean like my mom touches my shoulder in my own home i could cry from fear. I havent dated since the what happened because everytime a guy touches me i pull away. I can't move past what happened and I thought maybe there someone out there who understands and can help me. Please
fractured5 fractured5 18-21, F 8 Responses Jan 3, 2013

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Jesus christ im so sorry about what happened to you. Im so glad u escaped. You should have told someone about it though because keeping it inside would only kill and hurt u more. I suggest u go counselling. Tht sick bastard should be found and locked up before he does that to more girls!!

thank you! :)

I am pretty sure she was and definetly was not trying to tease or provoke the guy she wasn't acting like a **** or asking for it. it was that monster who did what he did and what an ******* he had no respect for women or anything it is just sick and second of all dont say the girl asks for it just because she might be wearing a short dress because decent men would keep their distance but monsters dont

i would suggest you to dress in modest always. Never try to expose your beauty. Look simplf always. Body language says it all and will keep you safe from such attacks throughout your life. Try to keep yourselves busy in prayers which would help you of your scares.

Wtf.. Even "modest" women get raped. And no, body language doesn't keep you safe. You're not even safe in your own home most of the time.

i would suggest you to dress in modest always. Never try to expose your beauty. Look simplf always. Body language says it all and will keep you safe from such attacks throughout your life. Try to keep yourselves busy in prayers which would help you of your scares.

Message me, I can help you.

So much respect for you.
Stay strong<3

I am so sorry. I don't know how you feel. But my heart goes out to you.