I Was An Abused Child
My mother hates me. I am 14. She punishes me. When i was little she grabbed my hair and pulled me around till i got a nosebleed and blood was on my little mermaid nightgown. Se pushed me ito the bathtub and told me to clean the blood.
When i was little she told me she cant wait till im 18 and im out of her life. i cried a lot as a kid and she didnt care, or insultd me somehow. she laughs at me cruely about things, and my dad and brother laugh along.
She did tht a lot, all tht. i always feel like im doing something wrong around her. When shes mad at me she yells and sometimes pulls me to the side to "talk" to me.
I used to leave books lying around when i was little, she threw them at me.
She threw clothes hanger, water bottles and other stuff at me when she was mad.
Im always scared when she cleans the house, if she finds somthing to be mad about she shouts my name, i come and she yells and hurts me.
one time in the bathroom she was yelling at me for not cleaning it right and she pulled my hair, slapped me, kicked me, and treatened to kill me. "Do want me to kill you?! do you?!"
I rolled my eyes once when i got mad about her bad talking me too my dad,she stood up, grabbed the notebook i was wrting in, pushed me down and hit my face with it continuously. There was blood on the notebook and i was a small mark over my left eye from it.
I used to be so scared as a little girl, id run to my room and cry and say "god why? why?"
Elementary school was my safe place. i made friends and thought of them as my happy familly. where i was loved. I felt so unloved at home. and sad.
I can never do anything right. Once i tried to do everything my brother did so tht maybe she'd love me. she loves my brother. i got yelled at. I tried to make her love me and i was a good girl (not perfect, but still learning right?). good grades and such. Even though this and more has happened to me im stll really happy and upbeat, with my friends, my dad, brother. But around mom im a lifeless robot. i dont talk to her anymore. i always tried and hoped to hear somethng more then a disdainful "..hi joanna." muttered reply to my high pitched hopeful "hi mom!" but i got tired of her hateful replies and stopped. i became quiet to her after she told me shes never buying a car for me, she put all my bank acc money in her acc, how i ruined all her dreams for me cuz i dont do chores (i do, she just doesnt ntice it, or she only sees my mistakes) and how and why she hates me and so on then i said sorry (i was crying by now cuz it hurt) quietly, and she said sorry doesnt do anything tht she hates me and tht the only way i could ever be useful to her is if i stayed in my room. she said "run away, kill yurself, whtever!" and i went to my room.
Im not sayng this has made me suicidal (altho sometims i was) wen im not with mom im rlly happy, i laff and smile a lot :) its just...when shes home...my eyes are empty and the mothers unloved child returns.
...Im making her a pillow in home economics for christmas. -sad smile-
When i was little she told me she cant wait till im 18 and im out of her life. i cried a lot as a kid and she didnt care, or insultd me somehow. she laughs at me cruely about things, and my dad and brother laugh along.
She did tht a lot, all tht. i always feel like im doing something wrong around her. When shes mad at me she yells and sometimes pulls me to the side to "talk" to me.
I used to leave books lying around when i was little, she threw them at me.
She threw clothes hanger, water bottles and other stuff at me when she was mad.
Im always scared when she cleans the house, if she finds somthing to be mad about she shouts my name, i come and she yells and hurts me.
one time in the bathroom she was yelling at me for not cleaning it right and she pulled my hair, slapped me, kicked me, and treatened to kill me. "Do want me to kill you?! do you?!"
I rolled my eyes once when i got mad about her bad talking me too my dad,she stood up, grabbed the notebook i was wrting in, pushed me down and hit my face with it continuously. There was blood on the notebook and i was a small mark over my left eye from it.
I used to be so scared as a little girl, id run to my room and cry and say "god why? why?"
Elementary school was my safe place. i made friends and thought of them as my happy familly. where i was loved. I felt so unloved at home. and sad.
I can never do anything right. Once i tried to do everything my brother did so tht maybe she'd love me. she loves my brother. i got yelled at. I tried to make her love me and i was a good girl (not perfect, but still learning right?). good grades and such. Even though this and more has happened to me im stll really happy and upbeat, with my friends, my dad, brother. But around mom im a lifeless robot. i dont talk to her anymore. i always tried and hoped to hear somethng more then a disdainful "..hi joanna." muttered reply to my high pitched hopeful "hi mom!" but i got tired of her hateful replies and stopped. i became quiet to her after she told me shes never buying a car for me, she put all my bank acc money in her acc, how i ruined all her dreams for me cuz i dont do chores (i do, she just doesnt ntice it, or she only sees my mistakes) and how and why she hates me and so on then i said sorry (i was crying by now cuz it hurt) quietly, and she said sorry doesnt do anything tht she hates me and tht the only way i could ever be useful to her is if i stayed in my room. she said "run away, kill yurself, whtever!" and i went to my room.
Im not sayng this has made me suicidal (altho sometims i was) wen im not with mom im rlly happy, i laff and smile a lot :) its just...when shes home...my eyes are empty and the mothers unloved child returns.
...Im making her a pillow in home economics for christmas. -sad smile-
By:
sakurajonaharuno
Age:
13-15
,
Female
