From Abused To Abuser.

In my childhood i was abused by my stepdad. Until the age of 6 i never had a male rol3e model, when my stepdad came into the picture i wasnt so sure how to behave. I started lying and i guess craving for my mothers attention. That is when the hitting started, it was the palm to the face sometimes it was the belt. Until today i do not remember any happy days that our family had, maybe my parents but not the three of us. All i can remember is hate, the hate that i had for my stepdad and the hate that i had for my mom for not protecting me and not allowing him to hit me because of the stupid stuff. Additional to the physical abuse there was the mental. It seemed that i couldnt go anywhere couldnt play with no one and always had to be on lockdown. This had travrled with me through my childhood until the age of 10 when its started to subside due to him working different shifts and me staying out od his way by what he wanted me to. During my young adult years i was outcast by myself i had no friends and had nobody to talk to.. all my interaction was with my class until school time was over. One day i have had enough and went ahead to try and be in a boarding school. This worked out great for me. I saw them for like 4 days during a month and they didnt need to hear from me at all. Until the age of 21 i had continued to be that lonely, outcasted by myself person. When i met my fiancee i was so exited she was the most beautiful gentle and pure woman on earth. We hada a good time together until we moved in and i became abusive to her. Started with cussing her, being controlling and seperating her from the world. It happed all so fast. I never knee how to really be a man who talks and understands and is being all he can be for his partner, instead i learned how to abuse the person that i love because that is what ive learned through my parents. I had made the biggest mistake of my life and cheated on her. I broke up with her pawned her engagement ring and cheated on her for 6 months after that she takes me back and i lied to her about me cheating when all she wanted is the truth. Im ashamed in myself for doing all this, how do i draw a line in something and say no more. I know she willnever read this but all those sorrys couldnt cover for what i have done. I had never took her into consideration. How can a person live with no consideration for his partner? How do i allow all this to happen and why do i not care and do not feel that its wrong. I cant let her be miserable with me no longer. Is anyone there with a similar case? I hate being so ****** up.
Dimka86 Dimka86
1 Response May 20, 2012

Up to the point of you getting married I was similar to you and then you lost me.<br />
I refused point blank to hand my abuse down and always ran away from girls who showed even the slightest interest in me.<br />
Now I have myself sorted out and I know that I can only love, I have served my time in hell already.<br />
I have no sympathy for you and your kind.