If You Listen To This, It May Save A Life.....

On September 24, 2000, my best friend was shot dead by her husband. She suffered abuse at his hands for years, before he finally finished it with a point blank blast from a 12 guage shotgun. Go ahead and look it up. Her name was Patti Jean Nickerson
Manning and she was killed in Palmer, Michigan by her husband, Donald Scott Manning. He was convicted of second degree murder and received a 20 yr to 50 yr sentence. He's eligible for parole in 2020....

Patti was my friend for most of my life and somebody I would have gladly laid my life down for. Unfortunately, I never got the chance. When her husband first started abusing her, it was shoving, grabbing, head locks, and yelling. I told her she needed to leave him, that it would escalate. She could leave him for short spells, but always went back.

About a year before her death, I went out to my camp and found a tent pitched on the bank of the river. I wandered down to politely tell the squatter they were on private property. When Patti stepped out of the tent, I didn't recognize her. Her face and head were swelled up to at least twice the normal size and she was barely able to talk. I cried like a baby as I carried her inside, set her on the couch, and started to clean her up and dress her wounds. It was appalling...

She was probably concused and I begged her to let me take her to the hospital, but she would not allow it. I lay down next to her and softly rubbed her head. To my horror, I realized her husband had been punching her on top of the head, so it wouldn't leave a mark. Her head was covered in bumps and knots fromthe dozens of blows he landed before he finally gave up all restraint and pounded her mercilessly. I wish I had killed him for it. She would still be with me at least.

After a week of healing at my camp, I went to visit her and she was gone. I called her and she had decided to go back home. I told her he was capable of anything and to please leave him. I would gladly take care of her and her children. She didn't listen. There was nothing else I could do. A year later, I got a call that she was dead. She had her stuff packed and her cell phone in her hand at the front door. Her husband shot her in the chest from a distance of less than 4 feet with a 12 guage shotgun. She died instantly. He left her there for another 6-8 hours while he sat down and drank, finally calling 911 to report an accidental shooting.

Please listen to me. If a man is abusing you, he is capable of anything. He has no boundries. It won't stop and it won't get better. The problem is him. It is not you. Leave him immediately. If you have no means of escape, call anyone. Don't worry about anything other than yourself and your children and leave. There are people and organizations that will provide a safe place for you for as long as it is needed. Look up the Barbara Kettle Gundlach shelter. It is an anonymous, fully funded abuse center that will hide you and your children and provide protection for you. They will get you airfare or transportation, whatever you need. Think seriously about what I say. My friend is dead due to her and my inaction. DO NOT MAKE THE MISTAKE WE MADE!
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5 Responses Oct 16, 2012

Wow, this was my awesome mother in law. My son her grandson who was 2 when she died now 16 decided to google his grandmothers name and found this. Not a day goes by where we don't think of her (certain smells, events, songs & words). She was an adventurous, kind hearted person. Her kids, family and grandkids miss her soooo very much. Supposedly she was leaving him and the suit case was packed. Unfortunately she didn't make it away from him. 20/40 years isn't enough time for what he did.

It's a sad sad story. It reminds me alot of my own life, but it's very true to say leave, however not that easy. I've even had help from police, shelters, our government etc... the laws that are in place do not make it easy at all! I've finally given up trying... When the abusers have why more leverage on you, and know people in higher ranks, you can't win.... :/

its too easy for people on the outside to say you need to get away, its really,truly not that simple, people like that have a way of getting into the depth of your soul, making you think every punch is deserved, every bit of hurt, every nasty word, everything it all goes into your mind as being your own fault...you love them you see, you believe they are trying to help you..you believe they want to be there and its not there fault...it never feelis like there fault...you end up apologising for making them that way..you end up saying sorry...its very bitter, very twisted..but theres something deep down that cant let go :( ..I am so sorry to read this story, am so sorry for your friend, she was lucky to have you there trying to save her, but ultimately sometimes you have to accept there is nothing you could have done, love you see, love xxx

too much :( its such a strange feeling, you know its wrong but they really have got such a hold over you..truly, and when you do go if they want to find you they will find you, sometimes no matter how far you run, no matter how safe your refuge is its just not enough..they have ways and means...ways and means...believe you me if i could scoop up every person suffering physical abuse up and shelter them forever i would, i personally believe the police dont do enough, there should be a big island in the middle of the sea where all physical abusers are sent..they can kick the **** out of each other then! ..i will never, ever understand what drives the minds of psychopaths..but you live and learn, re-focus, hold you head high and try so hard to keep strong when inside its all a middle, your a good soul, if everyone thought like you the world would be a much safer, warmer place to live in (((((((((((( <3 ))))))))))))) xxx

God, what a horrific story. My wife worked at a women's shelter for several years. She couldn't talk about it due to confidentiality, but the condition she was in when she got home, I knew it was really bad. I'm so sorry about your friend. Thank you for sharing.

Yes, carrying it over to the next generation is a huge consequence. I've seen it here on ep.

How courageous of you,
to open up such pain...
so that someone else may be spared...
glad there are people like you in the world...