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I Am A Survivor Of Abuse

I was an abused wife.  At the age of 25 I married a man who I met at church.  My pastor thought he was the answer to our prayers.  I had been divorced and had two beautiful children, by the time I met my abuser they were 5 & 7.  I had just become a Christian, I grew up with two abusive step-fathers, one who beat us and one who molested me

So I married this man and thought he was so wonderful, yet just prior to my wedding my pastor had mis-givings.  As a new believer I felt that God put us together and that I had to go through this.  At that time I was very much in love with this man, and so were my children.

The only clue I had to him maybe having a problem was durning church we were encouraged to meet, greet and hug others in the congregation.  One Sunday I hugged one of our friends and he was black, and my abuser went on a three day drinking spree.  He was very kind to me and I did not know he was drinking but soon learned that he was racist.

We got married, and on the third day he went out and got drunk and came home and verbally and emotionally abused me.  He called me every cuss word known to man and scared me tremendously.  When I asked him why he said it was my fault.

Soon after I thought I caught him molesting my daughter, I ran to my new pastor and told him what I saw and he said, no, he did not molest my daughter, it was me projecting what happened to me when I was a child onto him.

We left for 3 weeks and then my pastor told me I had to go back.  I did and my daughter never said a word to me so part of me believed that my pastor could have been right yet I always put me in the middle of him and my kids.

Progressively it got worse, he would accuse me of looking at other men's crothches, not allow me to bathe my daughter, push me around and hurt me, and constantly call me all the cuss words.  At this time I was working full time and he was barely working.

Five years after we married we had a baby.  I love her so.  He stole her from me when he forced me to wean her.  Then he would take her into her room and close the door so I'd worry that he might be molesting her too.

We moved again and a new pastor was in our lives.  We were in counselling for the 10 years we were attending church there.  This pastor knew the truth and he too would not let me leave him.  By the time my son was 17, he threatened to kill him  (my son) and I told my pastor and he told me I had to send my son away.  I begged him to let me leave the abuser but he said no.  My son went to live with my brother and he was safe and happy, yet felt I abandoned him.

When my daughter was in college she felt very unhappy and went into counseling and told the counselor that she remembers her step-father molesting her the very same way I thought it happened.  She didn't tell me right off. 

One day my brother told me that he was coming down to visit me and that he wanted to meet me anywhere but at my home, and my husband wasn't to be there.  I worked it out and we met at my son's house, by now he was 23.  Not only was my brother there but so was my dad, my daughter and son.  We all sat down on two couches facing each other and my brother began by telling me my daughter has been in counselling and has remembered something that she needed to share with me. 

That is when she said that she remembers the abuser touching her exactly the way I remembered it.  I started screaming and crying and said OMG it was true.  When she found out that I was already aware of it our relationship plummeted.  I thought she, my dad and brother would hate me.  That was not the story.  At the time they all helped me to get away from my abuser (15 years later).

Then we had to tell my youngest daughter and her whole world turned upside down.  He is out of our lives now for 6 years.  He had done the very same thing to his first family. Beat and molested them.  Unfortunetly we could not press charges because of the statute of limitations.

I am now remarried to a wonderful, loving, godly man for almost 9 years and abuse is a thing of my past, but I still suffer from it most every day.

Well that is my story

jacksgramma2005 jacksgramma2005 51-55, F Nov 15, 2009

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