Keeping Safe, Unashamed, And Positive Mental Attitude


A number of people have contacted me about their concerns about shame, staying safe, keeping a PMA, and a variety of other things. Here are some tips!

I never felt 'dirty' if:
I found something to love in the client before having an experience with him. Even if it was just his generosity and the freedom his money would provide me in my life, I would always find something to love in him and cultivate an attitude of gratitude.
Also, I always qualified new friends before telling them about my life. The quickest way to feel dirty is when someone else treats you that way! So I was careful not to let closed-minded or judgmental people too close to me.
And, I was usually pretty clear about my boundaries. If someone didn't treat me respectfully I would not carry on with the experience. Money was not more important to me than basic respect. As long as you are willing to walk away and leave the money on the table, you can feel about 95% confident nothing will go wrong.
I ran into problems with this at agencies because of course they will pressure you to take every call - they are there for the money first!!

About agencies:
I rarely worked for agencies, only when I was new in town to get some reviews and some money together for an incall flat.
I never really liked taking incalls where I lived. I liked to have a bit more separation. In London, I got lucky for a while. I found a woman who was willing to let me use her flat and pay by the hour and she would let me check in and out with her, as if she was an agency. I would call her in front of the client so he would know there was someone else who knew where I was. I also sometimes paid friends to provide this service. I preferred to work independently. Though there is less business, you keep more money. I made the same amount on my own as with an agency.

About safety:
Most guys in the upper price range don't want trouble, with the exception of those abusing drugs, and it is usually pretty easy to tell on the phone who’s a druggy. I’m embarrassed to say but after a handful of difficult experiences, I did stop seeing superwealthy clients from Egypt, Kuwait and Saudi Arabia. I found them to be rough, heavy drinkers, that were too hard for me to feel safe enough around to relax. I focused on afternoon/dinner guys, the married bankers and such. Rarely did I do late night calls in England, it just freaked me out too much. The vibe really changes after midnight... But really the most dangerous thing is your attitude. If you are looking to get back at someone who hurt you in your past, if you see the client as the enemy, if you don't like men, if you think someone owes you something in life - all these things can cause you to make choices that will put you in danger. Sorry for the heavy hand, but it is dangerous and I would feel bad if something should happen to you because my sharing on this site inspired you to action. It is absolutely vital to keep your mood good. Smile to yourself, smile inside yourself, really love yourself before going to work and take great care of yourself. It is a deceptively TOUGH job. That is why it pays well.
Here are some more tips for positive mental attitude (PMA):
Keeping a positive mental attitude is the hardest part of the job. It made a huge impact on my PMA when I had a close friend I could confide in. I found it hard to meet other escorts that I could trust, but when I did have close friendships with some, it helped me feel safer, more confident, powerful… In short, they helped me hold it together mentally and I made a ton more money! And when the friendships were strained, I read every book I could find written by people in the industry. I also kept a journal where I tried to unravel any experiences that were challenging. I treated myself to a lot of massages, and found little easy ways to love myself like getting special teas or scents, or lighting my bathroom with candles and taking a hot bath. It is important not to skimp on yourself. You are giving love and nurturing to others all day long and it’s a tough job. You need to refresh yourself by taking care to give yourself experiences that nurture you. I bought myself the best sheets in the world ☺ and scented them with orange oil, made a wraparound canopy so I can sleep in darkness anytime of the day or night, and treated myself to whatever the best feeling skin creams were. I found this to be so much more rewarding than buying another pair of sexy high heels or a designer dress…

Bottom line on the PMA – be diligent, don’t allow yourself to think badly of yourself. Train yourself to find the silver lining and make the lemonade. There are many other industries where people are working alone in a high stress environment and relying on their PMA – stock/bond traders, sales professionals, fund managers, artists, sports pros… And they have all kinds of tools at their disposal to help them. Go to sales training groups or coaching programs, like Tony Robbins. I am a certified life coach and PhD© in Holistic Psychology. If you get ‘out there’ in your mind sometime in the future, you are welcome to contact me. Know your intention before you start to work and write it down for when you forget why you are doing this. Write a kind message to yourself and read it when you forget. Exercise, enjoy something sensual, listen to something uplifting, call a friend – and don’t wait. If you begin to think badly of yourself as a habit, you also run the risk of attracting a client that thinks badly of you, increasing your risk of violence.

Hope this helps!!

lovedmyjob lovedmyjob
36-40, F
5 Responses Aug 3, 2010

Number one tip from this article: Your attitude is the most dangerous thing. I have seen this through a friend with a bad attitude who also escorts, and myself with what I would consider a nice, positive attitude. This is so important to be nice and polite no matter what anyone says or does whether you have met them or not. Never **** anyone off to the point that you have to watch your back even more, but at the same time do not allow yourself to be disrespected. Great article!!!

Great advice! thank you

I completly agree with this post

Thank you for this advise. I am about to embark on this lifestyle at a late stage in life. I have the advantage of looking younger than my age and have a good figure. I also am well experienced in life which I think goes a long way. Your tips on loving and being kind to yourself are exactly what I would do with myself anyway. I like the fact you look for something to like/love about the client that is something I will try to do myself. I am looking for all advise and tips and experiences to help me be comfortable and happy with the job. Thank you. x

X Thank You, Support and Advice I definitly needed, Its Good to know Other Ladies out there know the Ins and Outs and what comes with the Job. Thank You so much The Tips are so Helpful. X