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High School Life Was Like Hell

Family relationship wasn't good. And when I go to school, I felt as if I don't belong there. I feel as if every one can see what am going through at home. I felt friends started to avoid me. Whenever I try to talk to a friend, she would have every good reason to avoid me. No one wants to sit beside me. I become aware that I am treated differently, whenever my teacher would talk to me. She has this irritated face with a different tone of voice. They seem not to feel nice no matter how I try to be nice. Same way happens when I try to talk with everyone inside the class, they avoid me. They would move from where they were and make it sure I get their point. That I should stay away from them. My teacher must have spread the story about me being too arrogant when she tried to approach me how I become rude answering her questions with disgrace. She spread it to the whole classroom and to her colleagues that she could have slapped my face right infront of many, if it weren't because of her great patience.
I always wonder to myself how I become to be such an unhappy girl, with everyone I talk to and with all the friends I try to befriend with seems to find me either unfriendly or not good enough to in their circle. Maybe it is how I look and put an aura of a dark unhappy girl entering the classroom with a heavy heart and a grim face.
While everyone has this friendly smile. While they have friendly faces and respectable families, I have no smile and my family is absolutely the reverse of what they have.
I wonder at the back of school buildings when everyone gathers to make a group during lunch time. I become defensive with every slight sign of prejudism from my teachers. I no longer trust anyone. A stay away from groups. I try not to be hurt. I pretend not to be affected by drawing myself from friends I chose and but has chosen not to be affected by the jinx I could have.
I struggled hard. Life at school was like hell. When I get home, here is another kind of hell. But at least the kind of hell I have at home has no spirit of outcast or prejudism.
That was my hell. And it was all over now. I can positively face it much better now, than years ago. I have met few of my High school friends and classmates. And I am just thankfull they are all in good health and and have their own happy family. Atleast they can see me as one who have changed dramatically. And that would be enough.
Because I don't even like the thought of bein seen by someone in a pitiful situation while I am in a good fit. I don't feel happy either. And it isn't fun at all.
zephyr2005 zephyr2005 41-45, F 2 Responses Sep 23, 2011

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Sorry you had to go through that I had a bad school experience too and was bullied, My mother was mentally ill and I had to go and live with my grandparents so live was a struggle at times. I can understand how hard live must have been for you back then but you must credit your self with how well you are doing now :o)

Thank you Robbo for your wonderful words. And you're right, after those hurtful chapters of my life I came to understand myself. I became a friend ot myself. Thanks also for sharing a part of yourself here to me.

I'm saddened by your struggles in school, and even more so to hear about your dysfunctional home life.<br />
I'm enthused to hear that you have made a peace with the happenings of your school past. It's a blessing for me to read about how others can face the past in such a positive manner.<br />
My hope for you is a wonderful bright future. The past is water under the bridge. <br />
Though those waters have been turbulent and dangerous, you survived and are a much stronger person because of this.

Yes, I became stronger now. I sometimes look back to and see how I was learning from the years after the turbulent. I always feel in peace with my life now. Thank you Justaseeker for your thoughtful words.