To Say It Nicely

all the way from kindgarden to my final year of high school I was an outcast. Though to be honest I think when i was a kid I was to stupid to realize it. But I was, even then alone. I always played alone, always sat alone ate lunch alone. I remember this one day my teacher told the other kids to include me in sitting together at lunch. It was actually pretty fun, but that day was it. The next day I was eating alone again. In 5th grade I became kinda like the class clown, just so someone would at least look at me.

Middle school wasn't any better. I was talked down to a lot by kids in my grade, someone scratched gay on my locker... though that was because I didn't let him steal my lunch and punched him for trying. I was numb to it all by then. Then 8th grade I did the whole stupid clown thing again cause I was so tired of being alone.

By highschool I had changed. I had become cold and distrustful. I realized I didn't have any real friends. Yet still a part of me tried to fit in and failed like always. I became a wiseass, everyone thought I was insane. Well I am insane, just not the way they thought I was.

I remember one year a teacher I had never even met showed up at a parent teacher conference thing for me and said how students were talking about how insane and crazy I was. nice to meet you too jerk. one day a girl I know told me her friend had told her that when she wasn't at school one day that I had gone in a shot a bunch of people and she said she believed her.

me on the outside "hahaha funny"
me on the inside "GO **** YOURSELF ****"

and I only called her that cause... well she was one.

By ,my last year... well half a year, I got kicked out halfway through, I had become a major smartass and jackass. Kinda like the teen version of Doctor House. I barely even showed up to school anyways and that was only later in the day. I had real bad insomnia then and it didn't help that I knew I was probably gonna be held back for a second year. But god if I could do it all again.... maybe I wouldn't screw up quite so much.
CaptainJackass CaptainJackass
22-25, M
Jan 13, 2013