I Was An Unwanted Child

This is an issue that has had a huge impact on my life and the lives of other people I have talked to who also know they were unwanted/unplanned children. It's not like parents go around telling us they never wanted us to be born (although some may), but in my experience there is always an evil friend/member of family who makes sure we find out. In my case it was one of my mother's friends. I remember exactly the images that came through my head as she told me the fact that would scar me for life. My mom and dad had been in a relationship for 6 years and she couldn't stand him anymore so they broke up. She never wanted to have anything to do with him. Then, after several weeks, she found out she was pregnant. She wanted to live, travel, enjoy life and people in her surroundings convinced her it was a huge shame to have an abortion (still mostly is in my part of the world) and made her marry and have me. 

I now think how she must have hated me, the insignificant little person for whom she had to sacrifice her life and dreams. I trapped her in a marriage and life she hated. She wouldn't hear of another child but my dad and family again, convinced her she should have another one, that me being a single child would not be wise. After seven years of convincing she had my sister, and during that pregnancy she was ill most of the time, so I can imagine how much she hated my little baby sister as well.

Growing up, I was surrounded by people who adored me and were there to fulfill my every wish, although I don't quite remember my mother in the whole picture. She was never there for me, not when I was going through hell in my life, fighting addiction, suicidal tendencies and mental breakdowns - she simply didn't know what to do with me.

I believe now, after having overcome my depression of the past 15 years, that my general and complete inability to feel alive, to want to live and enjoy life, all sprang from the fact that I came into this world unwanted. My sister too, has had a lot of problems, fighting eating disorders, but she was always the stronger one.

My mother always remarks about girls how they are stupid when they get married and have kids, how kids ruin a person's life. I am set on not having kids, ever.

I would like to hear from other people who may feel the same way.

Tenebra Tenebra
31-35, F
64 Responses Sep 1, 2009

It's taken me a while to consciously understand that I was unwanted. I try not to hold blame for those responsible...in some senses, it was not their fault. (How can one "give" something they never "received".) My dad was born to unwed parents, and was given up for adoption to his grand parents. And he ran away from home at age 14. My mom's parents both died from a health crisis outbreak shortly after she was born,, and was raised by aunts and uncles. And shortly after I was born, my mom got cancer (had a double mastectomy by the time I was 6 years old) . And she spent much of her remaining years searching for a cure for her cancers. I was 10 years old when she passed away. My dad and brothers made it absolutely clear that I was "unwanted" in my early formative years - 10 y/o and onwards. Amongst other things, my dad told me I was "the black sheep" of the family, and how he'd discussed this with my aunts and uncles and he told me "they agreed with him". My two older brothers constantly attacked me, both physically and emotionally, and I tolerated it until I was in my early 50s. (By that time, my dad had passed away.) And it was only then, after seeing various counsellors for months, that I terminated communication with all family members for the sake of my health and sanity. All my life, I have struggled to make friends in general with no success. And so my life is lived virtually totally alone. I'm friendly with people, I'm engaging, but I feel an "undercurrent" in my mind of the hate that my family members instilled in me. (My brothers would repeatedly torture me by saying things like "No one will ever love or like you." - Hard to take for anyone, but especially from the time as a child of 12 years old until my 50s.) And this "undercurrent" I sense at such a deep level stops me from forming any meaningful relationships...even good acquaintances. All I know of life at this point is "aloneness", the pain is unbearable much of the time. I've seen many counsellors, all of which were unable to provide insight. (One of these even suggested that I "should have committed suicide by now".) But I struggle on, hoping that someday I will find some peace in life, and some true friendship.

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My mother married my father against the advise of her own brothers, sisters and friends. The stated before hand that they intended to have NO children. After a few years, they did not like eachother. But for good Catholics, in the late 1930's, divorce was not an option. They consulted with a celibate, unmarried priest, for counseling. Then, over the next 12 years, they had six babies. I was the last, in 1952.
All the above was revealed to me after the death of my father (mother died
20 years earlier) by an aunt, on my mother's side. It explained a lot. I grew up with NO self-esteem, felt the resentment not only from my mother and father, but my older siblings as well. I grew up an introvert for nineteen years, was really raised by the nuns and parochial school and made few friends, but many antagonists. Once, when I was 15, my mother shot back at me that "ALL WE'RE REQUIRED TO DO IS FEED, HOUSE AND CLOTHE YOU! NOTHING MORE!!"My mother died when I was 19, and the next year and a half was a daily horror, as my father picked a fight with me every evening. (By this time, four of my brothers & sisters were out of the house: all HAD to get married). One night, I finally just walked out, got a room, and continued to put myself through State College.

To keep this short: At 24, I suddenly was wracked with anxiety attacks. In my early thirties, I suffered a breakdown, and have suffered deep depression for the last 30 years. Unmarried.

I am not a supporter of abortion per se, but to deliberately bring an unwanted child into this world, when one has no intention of giving that child the unconditional love and guidance that it needs is a crime. To deprive a baby from developing the social skills he/she will need to thrive is an unconscionable sin of the lowest order.

I know how you felt, my father told me that he and my mother did not want me. My mother was very cold. He told me when I was 4yrs old.

I'm another unwanted child (oldest) of an unwanted child (another oldest) and I suspect, Mom's mother was another unwanted child, 4th daughter of 9 children a Catholic and familial legacy. I knew about my unwanted status as long as I have had consciousness. I was an unplanned pregnancy that forced a wedding to an "also ran" who was my father. I have 4 siblings, also unwanted to varying degrees.

I have a great deal of empathy and an outsider's perspective as a result of my early experiences. Unlike others I didn't find solace in school. I was awkward and a target for bully teachers that I seemed to always get until the 5th grade. I suppose my paternal grandmother was my biggest ally but I didn't see her all that often but I understood what real parenting was about as a result of my interaction with her.

For years I had no idea what might be wrong with me. I mucked about in denial for years, the truth so apparently threatening. And then I completely understood after listening to some alcohol fueled ramblings where the truth came out setting me free. After some counseling to process it all, I was able to let it go realizing for the first time that wasn't my fault what happened in our family. I was the product of my mother's generation as she was a product of hers.

Being unwanted will in ways define me for life but it also has made me strong and self reliant in ways that others are not. I determined to not pass this on to another generation and being under the unwanted influence during my childbearing years, I elected to not have children. I do mother my dogs, causes, other people. I wish us all peace.

I feel the same way. Your pain is my pain. My story is a little diffrent. My mother and grandmother only wanted my older sister. After her, mom made a boy whom she loved the most, being a future man. I was made without her or dad wanting me. When shevwas pregnant, dad used to kick her in the belly, so she would have a forced abortion. They planned on aborting me and schedualed with a doctor. Only one day before the abortion shehad a bad dream, where she had two children whom she'd feed and another one, very thin whom she wouldn't feed. She cancelled the abortion, and i was born. Had sight problems from birth, very thin and quiet as a baby. During my growing up, grandma and my mom herself kept phisicalyy abusing me and reminding me what a bad person i was for living.!!!! Another mouth to feed. That had a major impact, i've bedn a anorexic child and depressed, wouldn't eat. School was my salvation, teachers who saw i was talented in music and arts, though I was bullied by classmates most of the time for being too thin and wearing glasses. Now i am a psychologist, singer and dj, i even modeled a while, turned out to be a very beautiful girl in fact. Certified professional dance teacher and find happiness in my passion, fans, trachers and friends. If it wasn't for art and my honest friends, i would've been worse. I also swore never to get married and never to have kids of my own. Thanks to psychology i get my head out of the clods from time to time. Pain is hard , parents are not allways the best, but living healthy is!!!!!! Please give up addictions and find yourself in a healthy lifestyle.

I was an unwanted child too. In fact, I was told that the only reason I was alive was that she had a miscarriage 3 months before I was conceived. It is not nice to be unwanted, much worse when you know that your life was built on the death of another human being. I grew up in various care homes. However, my message is not one of depression. Yes, I did suffer and still suffer because what you hold inside, others feel it too. Yes, many times I am being ignored and made to feel that my opinions are somehow less important but I fight back, not aggressively, but I make people aware of their actions towards me, I tell them that my opinions are just as important as anyone's else, even though I can't spell them with style. I don't suffer in silence when people treat me as if I was insignificant, I make then notice how rude they are. What I want to say is that it may be a curse not to have been wanted but you are also stronger and you can turn this curse into a. Blessing by making it a game to fight for higher than the little mat the human herd feel you deserve. After reading those comments, i don't see unworthy people, I only see sensitive, inteligent people who have suffered greatly and we should give ourselves the respect that our own mothers have denied us!

Hi everyone

I am an unwanted child too, I knew it 15years ago when my parents were fighting and blaming each other for not wanting me since my mother knew she was pregnant. Even my father burned me with cigarette in my nose as early as 2years old. My father calls me the bad luck of the family each time he gets mad at me and says I am the reason why the family suffers poverty. I don't want to justify my being pain in their a** because they never wanted me but because I know in my part that I am not that much of a bad person but still they treat me like one all the time. As much as I can remember I grew up with kick, slap, punch, etc. etc. all the time. Even at 30 years old my father and mother still hit me. Now I learn to fight back and not talk to them anymore because I needed life which they never gave me that is why I always run away from the house and managed to live without them since 16years old. I really need help and I want to change my fate. They never gave me the chance to become an effective person but still I hope to become one before my 2 kids are able to have life of their own. My 1st child is wanted and my second child is unwanted. Please help me.

I am so sorry that you and your sibling where unwanted. I came from a family of 4 girls and we where all wanted. But my husband and I are raising a child that was unwanted by her mother she has 2 older brothers who were unwanted so someone else is raising them. We love our unwanted child just like she was our own,we have had her since she was 4 days old and she is now 10 years old. I think it was wrong for my father and grandmother to force or blackmail your mother into having a child she did not want I pray that you find peace and happiness in your life. oh and yes we have two older children of our own who are 32 and 31 years old

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I have read all these posts and see so many common threads. I was unwanted too, and it is an invisible trauma that no one seems to be able to validate except those who can relate by personal experience. One time I candidly asked my mother, "Why didn't you just give me to a family, who would love me?" And her response was that 'it was the 60's, we didn't do that back then.' Having a child is a sacred contract. All of this unwantedness runs so deep, and yet it is so invisible that it seems impossible to overcome. I wonder if there are times of economic difficulty that perpetuate it. Someone hit the nail on the head in one of these posts, of not faulting thier parent because they were also unwanted. I suspect that of my mother. She never said I was unwanted, she didn't have to. It came out all over the place in her actions. I only met her mother once, Grandma Anderson. When I was about four, my grandmother drove out from Wisconsin to see me and give me a gift...a small copper aunk, symbol of life. My own mother was pressed up agianst the wall, and frozen in place while my grandma visited. She never spoke of grandma Anderson...ever. My mother never accepted me but totally loved my older brothers. I was totally unacceptable no matter what I did. I suspect that she went through pain and rejection from her mother and carried same ways of being right down the family line. I have had many problems throught the years; not feeling grounded, worthwhile, part of things around me. I have not done so well in family life (marriage) as there is some inability to bond. My children, and I have seven, are much more confident and well adjusted. I think that is because I took the role of parenting as more of a sacred contract, especially in the early, formative years mine were just getting started. The sacred contract is: When you get pregnant, you are now responsible for a human life and the quality of life. If you are not in a position mentally, emotionally, financially, spiritually to give love and everything needed for a child, do not go through the act of conception, or take it lightly. The whole matter comes down to personal responsibility and AWARENESS. It's invisible, but many of these parents were highly irresponsible by taking the act of conception lightly. That alone accounts for untold pain, damage, and misery over ages. It is so hard to take care of yourself and love yourself when it seems no one values you and it becomes deeply ingrained...some times I just think that if I just love myself, everyone else will follow...
Sounds like a reasonable plan to start. But it is almost like the people around can sense I am someone not to notice, or pay any attention to, even reject because I radiate that feeling I am imbedded with from birth and childhood. At 53 years old I still struggle with that unwanted feeling. At least I can say, it stopped with me and none of my children will know this debilitating saddness and imbalance.

some people would have no reason to live if they couldn't make people miserable

My dearest son, this is how i want to call you, only today 5 of may 2014 i read by chance your story...I'm 44 years old and i went through a lot of sufference growing but the worst time came with marriage. My husband was nasty, unsincere, childish with a very intruding mother....they come from a well know local family who sticks alot with the church but in the deep of their hearts they aren't believers. When i told him that our second child was affected by trisomy 18, he asked me to practise abortion. I didn't, my family supported me psychologically, phisycally, emotionally. My baby was born with three major organic defects, within 12 days she died. Her father wasn't there at birth. I wanted my baby from the moment i conceived her and wanted her all the days that God allowed me to hold her in my arms. Now in the separation my ex husband a very busy surgeon, who is very rich and known locally, took away our 4 years son from me with an excuse, i had a delay in my job activity, so i couldn't raise him. I fight every day to have him back, and won't stop untill my little boy is back and safe in my arms. I have all the cards to raise him, i work today, i was seen by minor court judges, psychtherapist, social workers, all say ok the child stays with the mother. In this country, far from the states, judges are god on earth untouchables by law. If you reach them out of court you've done. My Lord God is the rock of my salvation, He keeps me safe in the storm. I'm sorry you went through this deep sufference, if you were here i would hug you and tell you all the words that a child wants to be told by his mom, i love, you are a special person, i'm blessed to be your mother, thank you for being alive and here for me and i will bless you. We are far, but please trust God, he is our first caregiver, life comes from him we are only instruments on earth, allow God to work in your heart, mind, soul. Take care of yourself, give to yourself love, respect. Allow God to heal your wounds. Open up your arms to embrace life, although i don't know you, i love you..... be courageous and fight positively to change your insight perception, you are special for God and for me!!

A person's worth does not depend on someone else wanting her. A person's worth is determined by Someone higher than we are. I was unwanted by my mother, but not by God. My mother became pregnant with me after a casual relationship. I'm not sure the guy even knew about me. I had an older sister by another father, and then a younger sister by another father. When I was two, our mother dropped us off at a group foster home like a box of kittens and moved several states away to pursue her own goals. But at that home for girls, I learned that God placed me here. He planned me and made me and knew me before I was born. He inserted me into human history at exactly the right time and place of His choosing. He placed me at that home for girls to be nurtured, cared for, and told about Him. And yes, he gave me exactly the mother that He wanted me to have. For years, I didn't understand why. I was reunited with her at age 11, and knew almost immediately that I was an annoying burden to her. My self-esteem suffered, too, and I walked away from my faith. But God brought me back to Him and blessed me and my husband with three adopted children. And now I know why I had the mother I did. I came to know her as a person outside of the many ways that she let me down. As I got to know her, I became compassionate toward her. She's still irresponsible and believes that her life was ruined when she got pregnant. She has so many "issues" that keep her unhappy and unfulfilled. I do not believe that she could have found fulfillment even if she had not had children. Those who give of themselves to pour into others ... those are the people who are happy. We've always been open with our kids about adopting them. But when they ask me about their birth mother, I can speak with compassion about her inability to do the right thing. If it's any help, I think your mother was selfish, not a victim. She chose not to be a caring mother to you. Even if she felt let down because of her circumstances, that does not give her the right to abandon your needs. Please don't carry on her legacy by not having kids. You'll never know true love until you empty yourself for your children. Nothing else, not career, hobbies, travel, romantic relationships, identity ... nothing else will show you what love is like children. I would hate for your mother to rob you of that, too, just because SHE didn't understand it. I know people whose mothers were selfish and negligent, who are themselves great parents. They know how important and difficult it is to set one's own priorities, comfort and plans aside to pour into another human being. When I think of the lives that are (and will be) blessed, changed, encouraged, and enriched by these people, their children, those children's spouses and children, etc., I can see how redemptive true love really is. Take back your life. Don't leave it in the hands of another person, not even your mother. Seek God and His plan. Care for someone else, give to them even when it's inconvenient, share the big and little things, talk things over, watch them grow, help them decide, see life through their eyes, let them surprise you, accept their love, watch them stumble and then right themselves, be there for them, be the rock in their lives that no one else can be. Be the way God sees you, not the way your tormented mother sees you.

I am an unwanted child, and to make it worse, I am a twin. My mother was, to reflect her own sentiments, 'emotionally blackmailed' into having a child by my father and grandmother. She did this upon one condition, that she would only ever have one child and would thereafter be free of harassment on the subject. I still appreciate somewhat the poetic irony here, in a morbid way. She told me incessantly as a child how me and my brother ruined her life, how her childless friends live blessed lives and that I would be labouring under a common delusion if I ever had children of my own because you can never be free to live your own life. I got into one of the best universities in my country. I was a consistently A grade student throughout my whole life and none of it made me happy if simply for the reason that it never made her happy. The feeling of never being good enough is accentuated ten fold as a result of feeling unwanted. No matter how well I do, I can't give my mother what she really wants, namely a life without me. For most of life I have been racked with guilt for a mistake which was never mine to influence. I saw her internal suffering everyday, she never smiled or laughed and used to sit on the front doorstep and cry because she couldn't face coming into the house and facing what her life had become because of me and my brother. I would try to comfort her but obviously the last thing she would want was a reminder of me. I would have given anything to turn back time and cease to exist, if that was the price of my mothers happiness. I love her so much and told her once when I was much younger that if I could remove myself from her life if it would make her happier. I didn't know how hurtful this must have been, all I knew is I wanted her to smile. I wouldn't give up my mother for anything in the whole world. Although this wasn't a pleasant experience, it was never too much of a problem until I got into my current relationship. After being together over four years, I feel as if I am wronging my fiancé by agreeing to spend my life with him even though he desperately wants children and I could never do that. I am afraid I would come to realise she was right and children steal everything of value in your life, in terms of material wealth and personal happiness. I feel like the responsibility of having children creates issues of personal freedom for all parents, as is the innate nature of all forms of responsibility. I am entirely unaware how one would go about integrating these limitations with a feeling of unconditional love which is commonly held by parents. I feel like being unwanted I never got to understand how a happy relationship can exist between parents and children and am terrified to ever take that leap of faith and hope it comes naturally.

I too have such a soft spot in my heart for unwanted children. I don't believe in abortions, I believe we all need to stand together as a people and start helping each other in this daily life. I think if there was more abled bodies to come together and help the helpless in any way we can we would be able to overcome this darkness in a lot of people. Most abusers are or were abused and when that pain stays in the heart it comes out like a bat outta hell on to another innocent life. Prayers are so needed in all our lives. But we need to learn of Jesus forgiveness and to cleanse our minds of this horror in order to move on. lets start one at a time to give a helping hand out to another in what ever way we are able and start fighting for the babies and children to have life, safety and love.

I was an unwanted child. My Parent's history reads like a horrible fiction novel. My Mother came to adolescence during WWII in Britain, she grew up in Plymouth which was a large Naval Port and also the last bit of land in Southern England, which was bombed heavily due to being a Port and also because the Germans would unload their bombs after hitting London before hopping back over the channel. She met my Father who was an American in the Navy at a USO dance. He was 17 and she was 15. He grew up in an Irish Catholic family one of 10 boys, and the 11th the only daughter. He grew up on the borderline of starvation, he joined the Navy as a Baker so he could always be near food. Two basically good kids in a difficult environment. At this point nothing beyond a dance and a kind invitation to Sunday dinner, the two wrote during the war, the war ended, my Dad could not find work and joined the Navy again, re-enlisted. During this time, my Mother went to work in a "Chemist" [a pharmacy]. At 16 she had an affair with the 40 year old married with children Pharmacist, he should have gone to jail. She became pregnant, he should have been shot for being lecherous and stupid because in those days condoms were only sold at the pharmacy. In any event, my Mother afraid, hid her pregnancy and had my Sister. As it happened my Grandparents ran a Rooming house, and [3] years after being in Plymouth, my Dad shows up, his ship ported there and took a room, and reacquainted. He saw the little girl, my sister, but thought she was the child of someone staying there, my Granny took in children of working parents during the day as well and had most to do with my sister. Having my sister was a complete embarrassment, a horrible event. The family hid the fact, sent my mother away to have her, and the child somewhat just blended in with all the borders coming and going, not everyone knew who she really was. My mother and father dated and it seemed a happy fit, my grandparents loves the "yank" treated him like royalty, and my mother and father "fell in Love." As things progress my father asks my mother to marry him. She says she cannot, he persists, and she tells him about my sister. Hmmm. So "of course" he says, "I will marry you, who wouldn't want this gorgeous little girl, blond and rosy?" Time went on in England,. Everything was fine, normal ups and downs while they were in England, but then they returned to Boston to be near my Father's family, they were stationed a few miles away from home. My Grandmother [matriarch] would have nothing to do with my mother, and forbade the rest of the family. My Father went along with it, did not support my mother as his wife and holidays were spent dually at home and with his American Family. Totally wrong in my book. My Brother was born, and no one from the family came to see her or offer a hand to her during what should have been a happy event. She was all alone here with her family in England, totally isolated and they were just unkind and rude. So things went down hill from there, the marriage rocked on, apparently there were [2] abortions. He drank and was busted down in rank and they struggled with money. My Mother came from a good family and came from a good home. She did her best, life was hard as a Navy dependent in those days. Policy was that a family just got in the way of your career, so there was no support of it. If you were stationed overseas, it was a little better as you were viewed as a "diplomatic" corps, in the days of the cold war they wanted that part of the world to see how good American Life was. 1961 found them in Rota, Spain a small Navy ba<x>se and tight knit naval community. Life was good for my brother and sister, a good American school, run of the entire ba<x>se, and pool, bowling alley, there were riding lessons on ba<x>se and my brother represented the European Theater in the Little League World series. They both walked to school, knew everyone and it was a pretty good life, except at home. My Father had written the Bishop with my Grandmother's help. She held alot of sway in her parish [11 children and 2 who were part of th priesthood stands for alot in a Catholic parish]. He wanted to have the marriage annulled, or be granted a divorce, I think they call it a dispensation. Back then a good Catholic did not divorce, and the process took several years. My mother was aware of this going on, but tried to keep it together, hoping it would not be granted. In December 1962 the paperwork came through and my Father told my Mother that she and the children needed to make arrangements with her paents because in June after the school year ended, they were going to be divorced.I was born in June 1963. My mother starved herself until she was beyond the point where she could get an abortion to hide her pregnancy. She went to the Dispensary [a small clinic once a week for dependents] and said she had been loosing weight etc, basically to start the work up that would lead to reveal the fact that she was pregnant. She was successfully [6] months along when she told my father. I was full term and born 4 lbs 11 oz. They called in the priest to give me last rites but I survived. My mother had suffered blood poisoning during the birth, again this was a small, small, small clinic, on par to a Patient First or Doc in the box today. Navy Corpsman not nurses, and a Doctor who did everything, including some dental work delivered me. My Mother was sent to Weisbatten Germany for 8 weeks because she was so sick. I was left with my Father and neighbors, he eventually hired a local lady Mercedes to come and care for the house. She was there until we left when I was [2]. I am sure I have a sense of being loved, but I am very sure it is because of Mercedes. I am told she used to take me to the local market and show me off, the tiny little girl with the red hair and beautiful white skin. My sister,15 was not allowed to care for me, because there were rumors that I was hers. {Did you see Mrs Perkins pregnant?? No...no I didn't" "Where did the baby come from?"} <br />
My Father applied to be assigned to Sea Duty, [9] months out. We were stationed in Norfolk, VA. My mother was left there on her own with a 16 year old Daughter, a 14 year old son and a 2 year old daughter [me]. He went to sea and basically left my mother stranded financially. She had to sell family heirlooms and furnishings to keep things going while she applied to the USO for relief. She eventually got a job at night sorting mail on the train from Norfolk to Richmond and back. That is how they did things back then. So that is how it was until my father retired in 1967. We stayed in Virginia Beach/Norfolk. My brother moved out at 16, my sister married a man 10 years older than her at 19 and I was alone with my parents. They had seperate bedrooms, my father came and went. My father spent holidays in Boston. I would go with him in the summer so he could do things for my Grandmother at her house. I had to be quiet and sit outside so I didn't disturb her. She never called me by my name, kept calling me one of my cousins name, I would correct her and say "no Granma, I am Susan..." my Dad just let her call me whatever, and never understood why I was upset by it. I wanted to be loved, I wanted to be Daddy's girl, I wanted to be part of his family....To my mother I was another burden she had to manage on her own. As I grew I was just a reminder of the "tricks" she had to play on my Dad, I was the payment of the debt to the heavens for not having to go back to England in disgrace. I was constantly shipped off to school or camp or with the lady who worked for my Mom, Jan. She was another saving grace in my life because when I was with her and her family I knew what it was to be loved. Otherwise, I spent day after day going to school coming home, having dinner and going to my room. From the time I was 13 until the time my Father Divorced my mother he lived in the same house as me, but I would guess we probably said [50] words to each other in 5 years. I NEVER ever heard the words "I love you." Never. He left in April 1981, and had the Sherrifs office deliver the Notice of Intent to File for Divorce/Seperation Notice in June ON MY 18th BIRTHDAY. I answered the door [daydreaming I thought maybe they were flowers for my big day] and the Sherrif, a lady looked at me and asked if I were 18. Proudly I showed her my license- "Yep, 18 today." She looked crestfallen because she knew what the papers were, while I did not. How much hate is that? I was alone through all this from the time I was [5]. I had to sit in the car when we did go places and just be witness to their venom. When I spoke they both turned on me. It got so bad one night I jumped out at a stop light and ran in the opposite direction so I could get away. Life was tough. I can see I drifted in and out of depression as a child. I went to a Catholic school and while it had its merits [I had a consistent set of kids who were in school with me, and a sense of place] they were not equipped to deal with "family problems." I remember meetings, my mother would go alone, and after would be angry with me for some reason, when I didn't even know what the meeting was about, it wasn't report card time, what the hell? She worked long hours 7 days a week, and was becoming quite successfull in real estate. I was just something that kept her from doing business. To my father I was the reason he was not free, and his attempt to get free was spoiled by my arrival.<br />
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I have worked hard all my life...been thankful for the intelligence and mental quickness the gifts I have been given. I didn't go to college, after I moved out of the house on the day after my 18th birthday...thrown out really my stuff on the front porch [my graduation present was 2 suit cases and a steamer trunk--serious] I fell in love with a man 9 years older than me twice divorced, and we had an ok relationship, I got preggers, had high hopes, married moved to California, only to find out what an alcoholic is in my Husband. I move back to VA with my son, refusing to put up with his physical and mental abuse or to have my son exposed to it, and he followed. We had a reconciliation and another son, but he fell back into it. I was done. My Children are the best thing in my life and I feel like I was a good Mother. They are grown, happy and healthy, in good relationships and one Grandson who is my light. I wasn't perfect, but I was steadfast, maybe a little on the abrasive side, but I had to be Mom and Dad, as I raised them alone. My mother died when I was 24. My Father is alive but after 40 years of trying to have a loving respectful relationship with him, I gave up and we do not communicate.<br />
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My take aways: I never felt wanted, never felt loved, never felt I had a right to be "here" . I have a poor self image, horrible self esteem, when I fail at something, oh my, that is the end of the world and nothing is ever going to be good again....I spiral deep down and must "mother" myself to bring me back. I was [am] awkward socially, easily depressed, and despite having some good success career wise from hard work, have bounced around because I have only managed to get a 2 year degree. I have been in some really great relationships, have known love, have travelled, seen the world, enjoyed life. But I always wonder how much I could have achieved if I had known some support. I never feel like the love I have is enough...there is never enough love in the world for me. Like my father who being underfed became a baker to be near food, I am constantly looking for love and approval and PROOF that I have a right to be here on this planet and that I am not a MISTAKE or a TRICK. I mean I could go on about situations where I had a sense that my father was trying to "put me in harms way" or allow me to have an accident....I have these memories but I have tried to only illustrate with instances I know are fact. Things like being left at the zoo for [4] hours alone, I thought he was there and so wandered around before telling someone I was lost. They asked me if I could find my car and I took them to the spot where we parked [right next to the play ground! hell yes I remembered!] but he was not there. It is thoughts like these that drive you crazy...."Why?" "Why?" "How could anyone be so cruel?"

The point in being a child unwanted by your parents is the fact that you have a sense that you are unwanted by everyone else. Period, end of Story. There is a pscking order in humans just like in th erest of the animal kingdom. If an individual is not considered "Part" of the group [flock, herd, gaggle, etc] then the others will try to alienate it. In my life, it has been a very rare experience where I felt wanted, felt welcome, felt like I belonged, felt PART of things. And this is very sad for me. When you are unwanted as a child everyone senses this through out your life, and if your parents didn't want you....what is wrong with you? It is very subliminal. But I have social issues, nothing big maybe I am forcefull or insistent and it might be very normal in a particular situation but I walk away thinking "Geeze. They must think I am an *******." Or in a group setting like at work "Geeze they must wonder what the hell is wrong with me....

This is the constant legacy:being unwanted, unwelcome, and unloved.

Hello StalwartRabbit, I think you are beautiful and somewhere in your mirror you see it too but you need to realize your heart is good and show it in yourself and then to others. We live in a dark world and with messed up thoughts and walks, but it can be a good walk as you search your heart and the one who created us all...God. He is there, been there and continues to be there for you so call out to your real Heavenly father and ask Him to show youHis love and presence in your life. It will happen, it has with me:~)

I was an unwanted child myself and this point is quite accurate. Both my parents were Holocaust survivors who named me after people they had lost, including my father's first son, so I grew up in the shadow of ghosts I could never replace. I underwent life-threatening experiences myself and my parents did not come to look after me. My life has been that of a permanent outsider, always looking in with envy at families that seem at least halfway functional. My professional resume looks great but my inner life is wracked with loneliness, depression, addiction, anger. May whatever healing powers the universe offers help bring peace and contentment to all our damaged souls and hearts.

I was adopted at birth by two people from the Appalachians, it was hell from day 1.

When I cried I was smacked, my mother said I cried on purpose, trying to get attention. I was an ill baby , allergic to milk and my tummy always hurt , always throwing up. This didn’t sit well with my mother, her remedy was to give me more to what ever I was allergic too.

My earliest memory was her holding me on her lap and restraining me, forcing me to eat, if i fell asleep during my feeding I was rudely shaken awake. I have scars on my face where she has pinched my cheeks to hold food in my mouth so I wouldn’t spit it out.

My toddler years consisted of being thrown out of the crib onto the floor busting out my teeth and giving me two black eyes, my leg was broken because my mom said I fell off the bed, I was always being chased, hit or force-fed.

AS I became older, I was always told I was ugly, and I acted stupid. I was tied up by my ankles to a bed post and ******** of my pants and under garments, my mom then sat across the small of my back so I couldn’t reach around to stop her from beating my butt with a shoe heel, a thick wooden paddle this all the while stuffing my dads tube socks in my mouth so I couldn’t scream. This beating would go on until her fury drained out of her and I was left bleeding through my bruises. Before any type of beating she would walk through the house closing windows so the neighbors wouldn’t hear.

She stood me in a corner naked and flipped me with rubber bands, put my feet in a frying pan on the stove. Made me eat dish soap and whenever I had chapped lips she would put hot pepper sauce on them.

When she was potty training me, she would make me sit on the toilet for hours. During summer vacation she would get me up, feed me breakfast and then make me stand in the corner until it was time to go to bed that night , usually standing 13 hours or more a day.

She beat me ( along with my father) on my female private parts with a paddle or a paint stirrer, and when it was bruised, she would remark….” look , your pee-pee is wearing lipstick.” She then would apply muscle rub to my genitalia. This happened more than once.

I think she was poisoning me, I had sores all over my body, my tongue always had red bumps and my nails had white spots on them. I was always very sick to my stomach, but I was never allowed to rest, I had to stand in that corner very ill. Sickness was a sign of weakness.

She didn’t like it when I had to go to the hospital. She took me out and brought me home. She would wrap me up in bed sheets with a peroxide or alcohol solution with all of those open sores on my body, it hurt so bad!! then she stood me in front of the window air unit wrapped in wet bed sheets, She would make me stand there for hours. I would freeze and shake.

At night when I was in bed, she would come in and scream at me that I wasnt sleeping in my bed correctly and then she would grab me by the hair and throw me to the ground this would happen over and over, it got to where I was afraid to go to sleep. I wasnt allowed to have friends and I couldn’t play with my toys, I either stood in the corner all day ( from time of getting up till time for bed) or sat in the corner of my room.

I was tested at school and they wanted to put me in a gifted class and she told them no. So when I got home after school, she would take away my books and not let me do homework, so I would flunk out. See? she said, you’re not so smart.

She made me clean the bathroom and mirrors with my tongue, she wrapped me up in my dads thermal shirts and tied my hands behind my back like a straight jacket I was often made to eat off the floor like a dog . She also made me eat whole cakes and a bottles of ketchup when I told her I was hungry and wanted a little bit more.

She would make me stand and make faces at myself in the mirror. She would send me to my room to cry and when I stopped she would come in with a belt,extension cord. She was also known to punch me in the stomach.

I had a horrible life, I was always afraid, afraid to sleep, afraid to speak. And my dad would just go along with it.

I still suffer.

I went through 38 foster homes after this, it was just as bad.

idicoe, darling you are loved! I don't know you but I love you. You are strong courageous and you will make it! You will overcome the darkness in your life because of 1 person, Jesus! Your testimony is here for others pains and others gain for there own life. people worry about breaking a nail or a bad hair day, but you have come way over and above horrific journeys! Your day in court is now with a judge and a lawyer, His name is Father God and Jesus Christ! Jesus paid the price for sin and death and He overcame for YOU! Now enter His gates with thanksgiving in your heart and let Him lead you to the green pastures! You are not alone and you are not forgotten:~)

There are so many common experiences articulated in the previous posts:
First the most positive: "I'm still trying to do my best" and "I'm more compassionate, understanding, empathethic".
That certainly describes me, at age 63, still trying to just make the best of life. I'm divorced & have been unmarried for a very long time. I've never had children, but oh, how I love, love my dog! I think the the biggest negative impact on me has been that I never had the opportunity to have a healthy relationship with a mother, or even know what a healthy mother/daughter relationship is. Probably the proverbial blessing in disguise that I didn't have children when I was younger.

Thank you for this article. I was number 4 of 4 and they only wanted two.they already had two boys and a girl, they turned 40 the year I was born and it was no secret that they were tired of raising children.my mother actually told me she didnt want another child (me) and she liked little boys better anyway. I was well fed and cared for but wonder what impact this knowledge had on my psychlogical state,personality,coping skills, and general opinion of myself. I did not realize it then but resources were in short supply for a family of 6 and I was the last priority.
I would love to participate in a study for adults who were unwanted children.

On a much happier note, i am in a loving marriage and have two very wanted and adored children! We can not just survive, we can succeed!,

amen sister BetonthBay!

My mother was an unwanted child - by both parents, who resented her.
Her mother frequently told her so and her father would often blank her if they passed in the street.
So she grew up an only child on an isolated farm.
And so it was that without the support that all children require to grow emotionally strong and healthy, she had a difficult life.
She married and soon divorced childless.
Then met my father and whether intentionally or not, fell pregnant with me at the age of 39.
But my father was no support - absent other than at the times he descended to visit violence and financial extortion on her.
As hard as she worked, she was unable to keep me - with her own mother refusing to help with child-minding me while she was out working at a full-time job.
So at six months of age, I was placed in a residential children's home, hundreds of miles away until I was 10 years old.
Residential children's home were scrapped by the UK government when Bowlby showed the lasting damage it did to babies and children.
And there is no doubt that I am one of those children.
My life is remarkable if for no other reason, than as a feat of endurance.
It's been stressful and difficult despite huge effort on my part, from day one.
But after 51 years, I've been getting some closure in coming to understand the effects that residential care had and has on those who grew up in it.
Thank God for Bowlby.
Despite a loving nature, curious mind, good education and attractive appearance, I have no real life nor family.
But that doesn't hold me back - I push on regardless, knowing only that the short time we are permitted in this life is precious.
Don't dwell on the past but live for the future.
Take heart, all ye who enter here - for as hard as things might seem, none of us knows what is written.

I have wondered 42 years..... What would it feel like to be wanted by your mother? I will never know.

Hi there...
I'm 26 years old and I've just found out that I am a bastard child too. Still don't who my father is and where he is.
And my mother is full of lies.
Thank you for sharing your story friend.

Hi I'm so glad that I found your page. I'm 26 years old and was an unwanted child especially on my fathers side. My mother did it to trap him. When it failed she used me as a weapon and a resource to get money and sympathy from not only him but basically anyone possible. She would also dump me off on any family member that was willing to take me in at the time. My mother depended on the child support she received for me to take care of herself. My father is a very successful doctor with two medical practices. She now lives in my home with myself and my fiancé. I'm just wondering how you started to accept what happened to you and begin to overcome it. Thank you for your time

Wow, I'm so glad I came upon this site. My parents "had to get married" because of me. When I was 16, my mom was drunk and told me that if abortion had been legal when she was pregnant with me, she would have had one. Kind of gives you a warm and fuzzy doesn't it? Growing up I'd never really felt loved or wanted by her or my dad. He was there, but didn't show much interest in me. They ended up having more kids, when I was 7 they had twin girls. I always felt that my mom favored them, but at least dad was as emotionally distant with them as he was with me. They are still married and it seems they get along better since us girls grew up and moved away. I have a good relationship with my sisters, it wasn't their fault they were favored.

I am married and have 2 sons. I did my best when they were growing up to always let them know they were loved and wanted. It wasn't always easy, especially when they were babies and I was sleep deprived but I've always made sure I was there for them.

Like many others on here I had suicidal thoughts and struggles with addiction. It was through working a 12 step program that I finally started to love myself and to heal. To anyone struggling with this, there is someone that loves you unconditionally. That someone is your Higher Power, in other words, a power greater than yourselves. Be it God, Buddha, nature or whatever you choose as your higher power.

I do still struggle with thoughts of being unwanted and unloved. Sometimes when calling friends, I have the thought that I shouldn't be calling them, that I'm bothering them. I just stop and tell myself that I am worthy of having friends and they want to hear from me. Daily affirmations help. I'm going to leave you all with one that always helps me "I am uncondtionally loved at this moment, I always have been, I always will be" Robert Burney

These are all really sad stories...and what's even sadder is that they're all true...
I'm not an unwanted child, but I do feel the pain of the others who are...I pray for those who feel unloved and unwanted...but don't forget-God will never let us go, He will always love us and care for us, even if parents may not.
(If you're wondering, which you may not be, I just came upon this site because I'm writing a story about an orphan, and was wondering if this could help me...and it has a lot.)
Even as I write my story, I feel upset and angry at how parents treat their children, even when they're only babies. What can a helpless baby do? Nothing. And she/he hasn't done anything to deserve the harsh treatment...I thank the Lord that He shows us His great and unending love and mercy...
I hope that you feel His love and remember that you're not alone, whatever happens to you...

Since I was little I always felt that my mother never loved me. And one day my mother told me that I was an unwanted child when i was 13, she told me she did not want to have a second child. I always thought my mother just loves my brother more than me. I always convinced myself that my mother was just tired from work. When I arrive from school she asks me how was school and I tell her everything but she never bothered to listen. When I got problems with homework she doesn't help me. When I got very good grades she just say "good" and if my brother gets good grades she always compliments my brother of how smart he is. My mother never said that she loved me. I always said "I love you" to her, she doesn't even bother to reply to me. I always do what my mother says but she never appreciates it. My brother has been arguing with my mother lately because of my father. Since then she started to talk with me a bit more. Does that mean I was just a replacement for my brother? In school I'm being bullied, I can't fight back because my mother will get very disappointed in me when I do something bad. Why didn't she just kill me when I was still a fetus, had an abortion? I sometimes ask myself why was I even born? for what reason am alive? Why are they doing this to me? Why does it have to be me that was an unwanted child? Why can't she just love me like my brother? I always thought of commiting suicide but I never had the courage to. I always imagine what the future will be without me and it turned out quite happy. If I wasn't born my mother and father are probably still together. My brother could stay out late at night, go to parties when my mother isn't there and would get everything he wants. I started to read mangas and became addicted to it now I have a reason to live for, I always say this to myself "You can't die yet, you still need to read the endings of many mangas, if your finished reading it all, there still will be more to read so you can't die yet...you can't die yet" Those little comic books helped me cherish my life even more.

Those who lost their reason to live, find a new one. Its not easy but this is just another trial to have a happy ending, just like any other trails. Try to do your best for them until they depend on you, they will start to love you day by day. Just like me I'm being loved by my mother more after 2 years of hard work. Good luck in creating a better relationship with your parents.

My mom had me at 18. My dad was 20-21. My dad was very irresponsible back then & still is. She never even planned to have children. My dad used to cheat on her all the time. My mom was pregnant with my brother at the same time my ex step mom had my half sister. Since then my mom swurd that she will not go back with him. Since she was so mad with him she move to a country for a year and decide not let me & my brother not to know him more. We went back & ever since I tried to have connection and communication with my dad. When I was 5 years old I came to know the reason why I didn't spend time with my dad. He was a drug user. Couple years later I saw him getting arrested. That crashed my heart. I felt so much pain inside me. I will cry every night . My mom never pay attention to me or my brother since she got married. I was her shade. She will scream at me or beat up for everything I did wrong. Then she had my little sister. She grounded me was to get on my knes leaving my hands up and looking towards a wall. It will go on for hours. She used let my step dad hit me too. I used to tell my aunt everything. She was my bestfriend but then she had to leaved the country. I was alone ever since. Everything got worse. I used to get verbally abuse and how much she wanted to not have children. How I ruined her future. She wanted to be a psychologist but never had the chance to do it since she had me at such a early age. I feel guilty for it. As I started to be a teenager she divorced my ex step dad. I had hopes back then. We became close. But then it all vanished. She had a new boyfriend who is now my current boyfriend. As of my dad well we used to write letters. Couple years after my mom became more abusive she will start hitting me with things. It was amusing for her boyfriend. He would laugh at the whole thing. I was and Im still constantly humiliated by her and he enjoya it. I was lonely and starter looking for love somewhere else. (not sexual just boyfriend attention) She stopped cleaning the house and cooking & all those chorus I had to do. I took care of my brother and sister for 3pm to 9pm everyday. I wasn't allowed and I'm still not allowed to bring friends or go out with friends (I'm 15.) all did was clean, cook, homework (GPA 4.2), always been a honor roll or distinguish honor roll students, & was always told how bad of a sister I'm , how bad of a daughter I'm and how I'm disrespectful, irresponsible, & so on. I kept trying harder to win my mom approves but I never have & I never will, then I had this amazing boyfriend when I was 12 & since then he has become my bestfriend, my everything. Most of the "my friends" are not. Only have like 5. I always get yelled at for everything. Now when. She want to grounds me up is not been able to have any communication outside d school with my boyfriend. I tried to talk to her but she said I was been disrespectiful and I should be thankful for all she have giving me. One days I put a status Facebook about how some parents don't deserve to be parents because and she got more mad and that's when she started telling me that she will only do things for herself and that I could basically go **** myself and go to hell. & cried again because I feel neglected. She doesn't let me cry she says I'm just trying to act like the victim all the time but to be honest I cried because I'm so fed up with everything that that's the only things I can do. She also told me that if I ever tell my problems to someone or write something on Facebook she will beat me up for it. I'm not allowed to see my father. I ask her if she can please take me to a psychologist and she will ether act like she didn't heard me or say maybe. She says I can't complain about anything because she has worst problems than me, like paying the bills and the mortgage. My opinions about things are not taking in to cosider cause I'm a dumb teenager who knows nothing about life. I have thought about suicidal but I won't do it because of my boyfriend. Now I go to school everyday with barely no friends and trying to act like everything is find. I remember web I was in kindergarten I used to see my friends taken to school by their dads. I now know that the will never happen. I pretend everything is find cause I don't want people feeling bad for me. My mom has only been hear for me economically not emotionally. My dad either. My mom hayes My dad. She said that for get he is dead. I dont want to tell no one that could help me because I love them even they don't give a **** about me. I just hope my future gets better. I believe my boyfriend is the angel that god send for me here in the physical world.

Mom had me at 17, Dad 20. He never wanted me while Mom cherished me and eventually my brother and sister. If it weren't for her I would have committed suicide. At 32 I had my son. He was not a surprise, he was very much wanted. I did everything opposite of how my Dad raised me,,,I showered him w/ love, encouraged him and he knew every moment that he was the light of our lives. I was able to shower the love onto him that I never got and that giving of love made me feel love, it still does. You can shower YOUR child w/ the love you never got if you choose to have a child,,,it worked for me. I hope your life turns out just the way you want,,work hard for it. PS: At 50, I have now chosen to put my father out of my life and that too will work,,maybe for you too in regards to your Mom.

This is such a sad post. I understand how you feel, but I have a much different story to tell. I was the result of an unplanned pregnancy to a young, unwed mother - the result of a one-night stand, even. My mother's family also tried to convince her to have an abortion (they had succeeded several years earlier, something my mother never truly recovered from).

Well, "I" was the reason my mom dropped out of college, why her life took a very unexpected swing, why she never again dated or married... but I never felt unloved or unwanted. My mom sacrificed everything for me. I do carry some guilt about this, but not any guilt she put on me - just guilt I put on myself. Especially now that I'm grown and have my own husband and child - I just wish so much for her, that she had been able to pursue more of her own dreams, that she had met a good man who would have given her the love she deserves.

She became a Christian when I was a baby and I think that had the most profound impact on both of our lives. My mom taught me that God was the perfect father, that He would overcome any shortcomings - from either my non-present dad, or my mom. I had a very loving, secure extended family who never made me feel unwanted. We were very poor, but my mom certainly felt the stress of that more than I did. I know she struggled with wanting to give me more, but kids don't need "more" - they need love, and I had hers in spades.

I had a difficult pregnant with months of vomiting. I had a horrific delivery which I still haven't recovered from, although I've been working through it and am in a much better place now than I was. I think PTSD from birth experience is far more common than is talked about. I struggled with my emotions for several months after my son was born - especially in the beginning. I didn't feel like I loved him initially. I never had that immediate "maternal love" that consumes everything. At one point I whispered in his ear "I don't even want you". (Then I bawled my eyes out from the guilt). But as the hormones settled down and I got more sleep, that slowly disappeared. My love for my son grew, and is now unbelievable - and he's not even 1 year old yet! Hormones are SO powerful, I think they are really underestimated. I am pretty anti-medication, but I have seen antidepressants have such a life-altering, positive impact on peoples' lives. I am thankful that my hormones resolved themselves within a few months after my son's birth, but I have friends whose persisted and have really found "themselves" again now that they're on a little medication to help even out those hormones. Anyway, all that to say - I don't think that a difficult pregnancy and/or delivery and/or unexpected/unplanned pregnancy necessarily means that the mother will struggle with loving her child. I think some mothers will struggle with that even if they are married and the pregnancy is wanted and planned and everything goes perfectly. Others will have everything go "wrong" but will be filled with love from day 1. I think most people are somewhere in between.

To the original author - my first thought when I read your piece was that you must not have children... only because you said things like "your mother had X, so she must have felt Y". As I said above, I was very sick with my pregnancy and had a horrific delivery, and although I struggled a bit with hormones after my son was born, I love him like CRAZY and we are planning to have another sometime in the next 1-2 years. It sounds to me like your mom was dealing with her own issues - I'm sure being sick during her pregnancy didn't help, but I just want other readers to be cautious when reading that... have a difficult pregnancy or delivery doesn't necessarily "set you up" for having trouble loving your own kids...

We all go through various difficulties - it's good to acknowledge what those are and to grieve for what we've missed - but then it's up to us how to proceed. We are responsible for making our lives better, or not. For the influence we have on the lives of those around us. We are all victims of *something* - but we can either choose to live as victims, or to rise above. I wish you all the very best in your journeys to conquering a more positive life! I thank God for His presence in my life, I would have been lost without Him.

I am now 38 years old and have always had a very low self-esteem, told lies and stories just to get attention, I've had 3 three abortions, fighting addiction and generally wish that I was dead, until I had my little miralce. Having your my own child and treating her the same as I felt only made me want to change and find out what is wrong with me. It's been a 6.5 year journey through pain and various obstacles, but everytime I do not want to play with my child or give her attention something in me just rebells at the thought and I try and try and try again. I am thankfull to say I just started councilling and found out what my problem is. I am a unwanted child, but the difference is I will make my child grow up feeling wanted, loved and needed. I will break this vicious circle only because I know how to, because I know how it feels and I will not lie down and feel sorry for myself, but I will fight, fight, fight until my daughter and mother feels my love and undying devotion. Yes my mother also, because I found out she was an unwanted child too and her own mother (my grandmother) made her feel like **** her whole life through.<br />
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Thanks you God for being my rock and always being there for me, thank you for being the difference in my life.

When I was a new born my mother and dad split up because my mother coudn't stand him , so while growing up my dad was in and out my life, but when I went to see him for visit (On weekin) he would be there drinkin and talk to me and assult me about my mother and who she mess with dopeheads and sayin she is no good to you because she don't know how to think and if I was with him that I woud be more of a man and after all that he would get mad anyreason and start hittin me and me being so young I was helpless I coudn't defend myself. After the weekend was over I went back to my mother and we use to always go over my grandmother house to eat while we was over there my aunt and uncle come over and tell me how much I look like my dad and I use to always say no I don't I look like me and me being so young I didn't realize that they where pickin went me, now am almost 29 and just now realizeing that I look like and proply carry some of his and that is what they don't like about me.

My mother told her children, including me, that she never wanted us all the time we were growing up. We felt her anger and resentment. Fortunately I had a loving aunt and grandmother, plus my father was quite nurturing for a depression raised male. I have been in awe most of my life of the inner confidence that people have who grew up knowing they were loved by their mothers. Later in her life, when her kids were leaving home, my mother tried to reverse her position but by then if was too late. When the kids left she was left alone because she had never developed friends. I suppose I have a special need for women and may have spent my life seeking mother love, which is not what a spouse is made to give. I suppose also, in a contrary way, it has made me shy and distant from people. Still, I have lived a good life and have learned to enjoy my own children and grandchilder, although probably not in a typical way.

Ironically, I would say that you were lucky. As an unwanted child, I was made aware of that fact repeatedly, and I was *not* surrounded by other people who adored me. It floors me when people make claims like, “There are no unwanted children.”

My heart goes out to you all. I always felt like my mother didn't like me and I would overextend myself seeking her approval... but, I learned a long time ago she will never be satisfied... and she still isn't but, I don't really care.. I feel like that's her problem. I was doing some reading and stumbled upon this article and was wondering if any of ya'll would read and comment on your thoughts/opinions. I think this woman doesn't know what she's talking about because she's never been in ya'lls shoes.<br />
Here's the link:<br />
http://liveaction.org/blog/unwanted-child/<br />
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I know I was un wanted, the youngest of 5 children. I was given away as a baby, only to be forced to be given back to my mum. She never raised me, I grew up un loved by my parents and it messed me up big time. I ended up in expelled from shcool and in prison by the age of 15. I blame my mum and dad for it all. I didn't ask to be born and didn't ever stand a chance with the family I got. I wish my gran had never made my mum get me back when I was given away. I'm all messed up and struggle to understand why! Why do ppl have kids they don't want? A baby needs love thru its childhood, not getting it realy screws them up. I don't know if I'll ever get my life to something resembling normal. I hate my parents for what they did.

my mom always calls me a friggin snob, idoit, and ALWAYS slaps me, she also only thinks of herself, i have felt unwanted my whole life. she just slapped me actually and i told her that i actually didn't cry this time because i was used to it. and i told her i didn't appreciate how she was treating me. everyone outside of school says i am so lucky, but don't judge a book by its cover

I think as a person gets older they get more confident and see things differently. I used to be ashamed of being unwanted by my mum and never spoke about it. I am not now I know I am not to blame, she was an immature, bitter woman who never took responsibility. I have learnt to forgive but sometimes the hurt comes back but i have to forgive again why should I let someone else,s actions make me insecure and miserable all my life. she was a selfish woman I dont have alot of respect for her doing that theirs no need to tell a child they are not wanted, they just want to ease their own consciences I think. I am glad I have my faith my parents made me feel insecure but God makes me feel secure as in the bible it says i am chosen and fearfully and wonderfully made. It all contradicts everything i grew up with and we dont have to accept and belive what our parents said its just their opinion their screwed up immature mentality and selfish not to care how these things affect their children and not to apologise and take responsibility. I have learnt their are millions of people in the world who want children and cos our parents did not want us which is a bad thing to say to a child their would be many others who would love and accept us. I have children and grandchildren who love me now and that life with my crappy parents is a long way away. move forward and dont accept their viewpoint they are just messed up bitter people. You are special cos God made you so and believe what God says about you not their crap.

My mom told me that I was unwanted while she was drunk when I was eleven. She told me how my father had lied to her about protection and that he forced himself on her. I was the result, yay. She proceeded to tell me why she didn't want me, money, marrital situation and all that ****. Afterwords she told me that although I was an unwanted pregnancy, that she still loved me anyways. But as I look back on my childhood and pretty much my whole life, I realize how she made it very plain how unwanted I really was. Telling me things like when my step father proposed marriage that she was willing to give my brother and I up to our father, my ste[p father said no, all or none. Then there was the blatant favoritism towards my brother and sister. I was usually ignored, always the one punished for **** my siblings did, grounded most of my childhood and always was the threat that she would send me back to my father. As an adult it has always been the same, my brother and sister who are both drug addicts and have both gone through 2 divorces and one is remarried the other engaged always get first consideration from mom even though they do nothing to help my parents out when help is needed, while myself, who is still married to my one and only wife of 22 years, has helped her and my step dad whenever they needed it am the one who gets **** on. Maybe someday she will wake up and realize what she had in me her son, but I doubt it. All I know is that knowing that you are unwanted by any parent is the hardest thing a child could ever go through and the scar is permanent.

I was an unwanted child. I was adopted at 3 days old. My adoptive parents always stressed that I was picked out while everyone else got stuck with what they got...that changed that after my little brother was born. I was always encouraged to think of my natural parents of caught in a hard situation that they made the best decision they could. I really believed that until I had my first child. I had such a powerful love for my daughter I could not wrap my brain around giving her to strangers short of being sent to a concentration camp! Now my daughter and the subsequent 4 other children where never planned , but I always figured kids where a gift from God and embraced them. But after my 5 children where born, I really went through a season for feeling disconnected from mankind because my own parents didn't want me. It was very strange because I thought I had such a good handle on this. I spent a lot of time in prayer and God walked me through dealing with abandonment that went back to the womb. Those feelings where much stronger than I had ever understood. It wasn't until I decided that God knew more than me. I had to choose to believe in His love for me. That He knew everything about me, and yet He saw so much more than my natural parents could. This wasn't easy and it wasn't quick, but as I continued to pursue healing, God met me in profound ways; revealing Himself as my real Father. He had given people free will to do as they like. My parents had not chosen His path, but He would still meet me in a powerful loving way. I just had to let Him heal my heart and replace what humans had spoken over me (in actions, and feelings) with what He had to say. It was scary, but I had asked Him to never give up on me---and He NEVER has!!! I know it is hard and scary, but please, please pursue God for healing. His love is truly bigger and stronger than your pain. He has not abandoned you, even if those who were charged with loving did. People have failed you, but don't put God in that garbage heap. Trust Him. It won't be easy nor fast, but I guarantee you it will be worth it!!!! "He(God) heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Psalm147:3.

Thank you so much for your wisdom. I have printed out your story so that I can re-read it when feelings of guilt and shame threaten to overwhelm me. God truly is a "secure height" for us when we are in distress and he loves us more than our human hearts can probably even fathom. I also try to see myself through his eyes. As one of his precious creations whom he cherishes. Thankfully, even though my parents never wanted to have children they love me very much and they have been able to listen to me when I needed to express how being an unwanted child has affected me. What a blessing! Particularly now as I try to undo the thinking that has held me captive and weighed me down for so many years. I know with God's help I will be able to completely let go of all this hurt one day soon.

Whilst growing up my family were always poor. Before she became pregnant with me, my mum had a very good job and had a good lifestyle and savings etc. She only married my father because she became pregnant with me as far as I can understand. They had a very unhappy marriage although since children have left home they seem to get on ok.<br />
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Nevertheless, my mum was always very loving and has always been there for me to this day. I am now 33 years old. However, seeing what a dreadful life my mum had bringing me up I always vowed to NEVER have children. But whenever I would tell my mum I didnt ever want to have children, she would always say something like, "well i never wanted children either but as soon as I had you I loved you so much and anyway everyone has kids, its what everyone does." So I felt there was something wrong with me for not wanting to have children.<br />
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I have had a very troubled life psychologically and reading this forum has now made me realise the impact of unwanted pregnancy on my own life. I really wonder if I myself was an unwanted child.<br />
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Another twist on my tale is that during my 20s I fell in love with a man who turned out to be highly abusive and controlling. Now, people who have never been in such a relationship always say "well why didnt you leave him." Only people who have lived through abusive relationships can understand the power struggles that ensue and why a woman can leave a man several times before making a final break.<br />
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I did make the decision to end it with him once and for all and had made all plans to do so. Remember with an abusive partner, you cant just sit down have a chat and cry and say its over and then peacefully separate. No, a lot of planning has to be involved due to the expected violence. A few weeks before I would have left him I found out that I was pregnant. We had always been careful but I got pregnant after one christmas drunken night out when I did not use protection.<br />
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I did not agree with the ethics of abortion and so I did not go through with it even though I did book an appointment I didnt turn up. Although I now certainly see the other side of the story. After I made the decision to have my daughter, I actually found myself really looking forward to it. So in that sense I would not say that it was an unwanted pregnancy. I would spend hours knitting little clothes for her and spent all of some inheritance I had received on providing me with an income during late pregnancy and early childhood and new items for the baby.<br />
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I then had an absolutely horrendous birth with no pain relief which I would say I dont think I will ever recover from. I had PTSD from this which was not diagnosed until years later. I'm sure if I had been diagnosed earlier things would have turned out a lot differently. I feel a lot of anger towards health professionals, midwives, and health visitors who must have seen what a state I was in during the first few years of my daughters life.<br />
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After I had my daughter I constantly told my parents I didnt want to keep her, that I was unable to look after her, and I was in total disbelief at their response. They did not listen to me at all. No one took me seriously. They just kept teling me to stop being so stupid, that no one gives up their child, etc etc. This drove me into a great depression and after a year I became chronically ill as a result of this extreme stress. My daughter is now 6 years old and I have only just come into remission from my illness.<br />
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I have always tried to look after my daughter the best that I am able to do. But... being that I didnt want to be in this position, i..e. a single mum with effectively an unwanted child, I am sure this has had negative consequences on her, or will do one day. It causes me no end of heartache. I constantly find myself wanting to love her and to be the perfect mother but simply not being able to be. It is like she repels me for some reason and when she seeks out my attention I find I just cant give it to her much of the time. The bond just isnt there. Its as if I love her as though she is my neice. A child I would love to spend the odd weekend with but certainly not daily life. I must point out though that when we do manage to break through that we have had some wonderful times together that have been truly wonderful.<br />
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So you see, please dont feel so angry towards your mothers. What needs to be changed is societal stigma towards the idea of not wanting to have chidren. And support for mothers of unwanted children so that they can make the most healthy choice for both themselves and their offspring. <br />
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In my case a variety of factors led to my daughter being unwanted.<br />
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1. Not wanting to have children in the first place.<br />
2. Violent/abusive partner.<br />
3. Horrific birth.<br />
4. Subsequent mental illness.<br />
5. Not being listened to.<br />
6. Subsequent poverty and non-fulfilment of life dreams.<br />
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I truly believe if that the birth had not been so horrific, or if I had been treated for subsequent mental health problems and then I had been listened to I would not feel this glass wall separating myself from my child. The guilt this has resulted in has been absolutely enormous and something I hope no one else will ever have to endure.<br />
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In a strange kind of way I hope my story will make you feel better about your own situations as it is certainly not a one-way street. I wish you all good luck. I hope one day I will be the mother I wish I could be. In the meantime I will continue to do my best.

in my case i found it out i was a unwanted child by my aunt. One day i was at her home she babysit me sometimes so that day i was doing homework and my aunt notice some cuts in my fingers she ask me what happened with your fingers and i answer her my mom hit me with a metal spoon because i dint finish my meal she hug me and i ask her" why my mom don't love me" and she told me that my mother family oblige her to married my father because she was pregnant of me at that time and i remember how my mother talks to her friend one day she was talking how unhappy her married was she show her wedding day pictures she look really sad in the picture of her wedding day then she look at me and said to her friend " i was pregnant , my parents being strict catholic oblige me to married because they dont want to have a **** in the family" in Mexico a single mother is equal as a prostitute my mother family was afraid of what other people said about her. I was only 9 when my aunt tell me all this i remember my aunt with a lot of love because in some way she was like a mother to me. I a mother of 2 kids i love my kids with all my soul and i dont understand how a mother can hate a child, when that child dint ask to be born and i know a lot of times this poor kids ended abused in so many ways if people dont want to be stuck with a child why they have sex at first place? i always wonder if i was a product of rape because that is the only motive i can think make a woman to not love her son or daughter. My mother and i we dont have a relationship i contact her after 12 years and i regret because i only confirm that she hate me that she never want me in her life all i can said is if you are not sure or want kids please please take all precautions to prevent a unwanted pregnancy because as a unwanted child let me tell you., you can made a lot of damage and hurt that little one who dont ask to born.

I have been down a rabbit hole and dug another one back out recently. Life was good for me until a truck called "truth" ran over me. My job was extremely stressful and my manager was not exactly making life easier. When I came home from work, my partner's mum rang our house excessively. Work stress combined with mother in law stress cause me and my partner to argue about how she is suffocating us, he clearly didn't see it that way. My partner threw a life question at me saying "where is your mother in all this, wonder if you were wanted at all" It sparked an enquiry that took me to many dark places. I discovered by my grandmother that I was an unwanted child. I struggled to come to terms with it and it took me a long time to recover from the shock that could have killed me. I ended up seeing a shrink to discuss these issues, costly but worth my life in the long term. It answered a lot from my perspective and filled the rest of the pieces to the jigsaw puzzle, why my mum was hardly around me physically during my life, why I was teased for being raised by someone other than parents, and recently why my mother has never kept in touch with me even during my adult life. I strongly believe that the truth does set one free in every way, no matter how much it hurts a person. That is how I have turned a corner and began to love myself again. I have joined a gym and lost weight, relations with my mum are better than they ever have been. She is being a mum to me for once in my life. If you are an unwanted child, don't let it consume your life. Even if the parents were not there for you, there are other people that were there for you and will always love you for who you are as yourself. If one thinks of happy thoughts, one gets happiness in return whatever shape or form. My grandparents are amazing people, I have never met anyone so kind, genuine and whole hearted as them. They gave me love, as my mother should have. They will be always known as my mum and dad in my heart.

It's so strange to read these stories that have familiarity to them. I was one of those lonely kds who was told many times that things would have been so much better if I hadn't been born. I think I've been depressed my whole life. Now I'm a parent and my life purpose is to give my kids a happy childhood with lots of love. If I do that I feel fulfilled. I don't really care much about much else. I can't stand it when people ask when my birthday is.

My mother fell in love with a married man, who already had a child and a wife, So when he found out she was pregnant he told her to have an abortion. She was in the hospital waiting to go through the abortion, but she couldn't do it. So here I am, yes she had me but at times I wish she didn't. <br />
All my childhood was filled with rejections, First I almost was aborted (I read and heard the fetus or the baby can feel that they are unwanted while it's in the womb, I believe that), then my father wanted nothing to do with me, then my mother left me at age 4,with my grandmother while she and my older brother moved to another country. I lived with my grandma who I felt love me and I for that loved her dearly. But now that I am older I think did she really love me, because during the time when I lived with her from the age of 4 to 8, I asked her if she loved me, her answer was "When you are sleeping".That didn't help a child who already felt unwanted and not good enough. <br />
My mother returned when I was 8 yrs old, took me away from the one and only person who I felt loved me. My father came to visit her one time and I can remember this so clearly, we were all sitting in this big room, I was at one end of the room, and he was sitting on the other side of the room talking to my 2 brothers. He said nothing to me, ignored me the whole time. He never came to visit again.<br />
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My life turned upside down, from the day my mother returned from the other country, I was physically and mentally abused by her and my oldest brother. I was not allowed to see my grandmother. The only thing that helped me was the deep connection that I ended up having with my younger brother who is 7 yrs younger than me.<br />
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You know I don't think person ever recovers from being rejected and unwanted during their childhood years, especially by the parents. It has ruined many relationships in my life, including my relationship with my kids. I have gone through alot of different type of counselling, but now I have learned to accept that this is the way I am, and make the best out of it. I have adjusted to the best I can, and I am satisfied most of the time.<br />
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But you know I wouldn't change much about my past, because it has made me be a compassionate, passionate, understanding person one who has empathy for those who feel unwanted. I try to make people feel wanted and accepted, even if it's just a simple smile at a person passing me by.

I am 55 years old and left my family at 13 after my Father threw me up against livingroom wall for the last time.<br />
At that time I was living on country side and left to go to a big city wiher life wasn't too safe.I worked about 16 hours a day and at least 2 of them without pay. My boss knew that I could not live without my job therefore he demanded a lot out of me. I paid for my own food and rent and in the fall went back to school yet kept on working. Believe it or not but I loved my life without my abussive parents.<br />
Befor I left I lived in constant fear of my life and kept myself away in the attic .My savior was my Godmother who always insested on seeing me each day,Thank God for her.<br />
At the age of 21 I left the country I was born and 2 older brothers.<br />
At the age of 40 I called my Godmother who answered all the questions from my childhood.<br />
Some people think that it is horrible that a child finds out from a family member that they were unwanted but you yourself know it anyhow the way you are treated by your parents.My mother even told me who her favourite child is -wasn't me!<br />
I have visited my country and parents few times andthe same continues the only difference is that I am always chased by them like I am not to go anu place without them-this is because I am 50 something and they do not want anybody ask questions about my past and "the secrect"needs to be kept hidden.<br />
I left everything behind because of them and have now gained my cousins back by telling them the truth.Nobody in my immediate family know about this "secret" but the love I have received from my cousins is unbelievable. See,in these abuse cases the victim is the one who carries "the blame". My mother also lies about me such a way that still today when my brothers come to visit them she is "in tears" due to my talking her so bad therefore she keeps me away from my siblings and she makes sure that my brothers dislike me. I am always under attac and have now at the age of 55 determant to gain my brothers back! I refuse to be victimized! I have a voice and will now speak .I will not see any more counselors and will tell my parents that soon I will write a book about unwanted childern and will proclaim that I AM THE SHEEP WHO REFUSED TO BE BLACK.<br />
Once your parents are gone you will hear that "Now you don't need to complain about them anymore"and this will be your last pound of salt the family throw on your wounds -you better be ready to have an aswer such as "they never said they were sorry to me"


Everything about that spoke to me. I completely get it. Mine and everyone else's stories are very similar and carry many of the parallels that embody the general "unwanted/unplanned" child life course; ie: the moment we all "find out" our parents' deep dark secret(s) and that unassailable, ideal parental image they formed for themselves and seared into our minds since birth through controlling, manipulative parenting just falls away, collapses, and along with it, burying and crushing all that we knew about our own existence. <br />
<br />
The revelation that my own narcissistic mother's scrupulously fabricated and fraudulent identity was just that, fraudulent, is something I'll never forget, nor forgive until I die.<br />
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About three years after discovering out this scam to which I had been blindly subscribing to, I still cannot speak, or even look at that woman without feeling disgusted; her mere presence in room is enough to curl my lip, almost as an unconscious reflex, with hatred and contempt.<br />
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One thing I'd like to leave the reader with, and I do not mean to condescend or patronize, but maybe it would be a good idea to revisit the idea of having your own children someday in the future. I know I wouldn't want children RIGHT NOW, because I'm NOT READY (YET). If there's any lesson to be learned from our parent's mistakes, it's that a person shouldn't become a parent IF THEY'RE NOT READY. That being said, don't let one person's mistake, poor judgement and duplicity guide you away from having children, one of the JOYS and MIRACLES of LIFE. <br />
<br />
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I wish you all a long and happy lives,<br />
-Fellow Traveler

Everything about that spoke to me. I completely get it. Mine and everyone else's stories are very similar and carry many of the parallels that embody the general "unwanted/unplanned" child life course; ie: the moment we all "find out" our parents' deep dark secret(s) and that unassailable, ideal parental image they formed for themselves and seared into our minds since birth through controlling, manipulative parenting just falls away, collapses, and along with it, burying and crushing all that we knew about our own existence. <br />
<br />
The revelation that my own narcissistic mother's scrupulously fabricated and fraudulent identity was just that, fraudulent, is something I'll never forget, nor forgive until I die.<br />
<br />
About three years after discovering out this scam to which I had been blindly subscribing to, I still cannot speak, or even look at that woman without feeling disgusted; her mere presence in room is enough to curl my lip, almost as an unconscious reflex, with hatred and contempt.<br />
<br />
One thing I'd like to leave the reader with, and I do not mean to condescend or patronize, but maybe it would be a good idea to revisit the idea of having your own children someday in the future. I know I wouldn't want children RIGHT NOW, because I'm NOT READY (YET). If there's any lesson to be learned from our parent's mistakes, it's that a person shouldn't become a parent IF THEY'RE NOT READY. That being said, don't let one person's mistake, poor judgement and duplicity guide you away from having children, one of the JOYS and MIRACLES of LIFE. <br />
<br />
<br />
I wish you all a long and happy lives,<br />
-Fellow Traveler

My heart goes out to everyone here. I too was an unplanned/unwanted child and the feelings have haunted me my whole life. When I struggle with depression, anxiety and now my own issues with trying to be a better mother-- the fact that my family treated (and still treats) me like an "ACCIDENT" still come up. My parents were already alcoholic and dysfunctional when I was born-- over ten years later than my older siblings. I was an "oops" baby after my parents thought they were done having kids. Both my parents and my older siblings (two sisters and a brother-- the brother is messed up and into drugs, etc.) treated me like an unwanted nuisance when I was a child. I was neglected most of my childhood and denied normal things like toys, preschool, lessons, activities, etc. I was also never really played with, hugged, or had a bedtime story read to me. I think my family wanted to just pretend that I wasn't there. When I was a kid I always felt that I was "different" from the other kids when I saw how other families paid more attention and gave more love to them. I had lots of adjustment and social problems growing up. My mother told me she hated me. In my late twenties she admitted to me, "I was 35 when I had you! I already HAD three kids!" Even now, when I visit my parents or at family parties my mother insults me or refers to me with a disgusted tone as "SHE" or "HER" with a growl in her voice. Mind you, this is even when have done nothing wrong... Now that I am a mother I make sure to always make my own two children feel loved and accepted by me no matter what. When my kids get older and are able to understand, I might tell them about how my family treated me.... Not to scare them but to let them know that treating people that way is not right and that being loving is very important.

none in this world is unwanted or waste,as everyone as a purpose...because without any purpose JESUS wouldn't have created "U".if you never tasted JESUS LOVE i request you to taste JESUS...to taste JESUS you can read BIBLE ...JUST GIVE ONE CHANCE TO JESUS AFTER YOU FINISHED SEARCHING FOR LOVE IN THIS WORLD...........

Your mother hasn't recovered from her own trauma so you are just an uncomfortable reminder for her. Consciously or unconsciously she does blame you for the pain that she feels and so she acts out with aggression. She wasn't able to bond with you so you weren't able to develop strong and worry free like a child who did properly bond with their mother. It is sad. I think about it everyday. I live far away from my family for the same reason. I've tried to be close to my family but I am still treated as if everything is my fault. I try to not let it define me. I try to do what I can to take care of my health and to heal my attachment/bonding issues. I think that moving on from being unwanted is almost impossible because the trauma of rejection is so deep and the fear and despair of the infant child is unconscious. Then on top of the infant issues there can be emotional, physical and/or sexual abuse which confirm the feelings of rejection and despair. It is hard to learn to love yourself and to receive and have the good things in life. It is hard to stop attaching to people who will ignore you in some way or make you feel unimportant, like you don't exist. It is hard to feel physically vibrant even at a young age because of the unconscious fears that drain your body and over-ride your nervous system. It is sad but trying to reconnect with your mother at this point won't give you what you need, only confirm the old trauma. Instead, surround yourself with people and an environment that accept you, accept their kindness and be loving and compassionate with the needs and fears of your infant-self.

my mother's family oblige her to married my father because she was pregnant with me. i the older of 2 kids and my mother always beat me sometimes for no reason at all i remember asking my aunt why my mother don't love me and i was 11 when my aunt finally explain to me in what circumstance's i was conceive. i run away from home when i was 16 and after almost 12 years of not communication with my family i search for in facebook i found my cousin and this month we talk in the phone and i try to talk to my mother and she refuse she even talk to my half sisters (2 girls from her second marriage) talk to my aunt them don't even know who i was.............i regret of found my cousin and have contact again with my family because i just confirm my mother don't love at all and i feel sad i don't understand why she still blame me to ruin her life...i didn't ask to born i don't understand why she was always like this and for what i see time have not change her mind and feelings about me. as a child i remember my aunt kisses and hugs and is hard but my aunt said is better just to move on i think she is Right

- ive always asked myself y my parents didnt like every bit of me.. but when i do something good, they say that is what a good child is supposed to do..<br />
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and one day, it slipped my mother's mouth.. i was not part of the plan.. and everything came into place..<br />
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but still i was doing everything just for them to see me, appreciate me.. to no avail.. how they felt before, they will always feel.. even if you are gone..<br />
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its like.. you are the child they can live without..

"you are the child they can live without"

that's exactly what it is.... : (
i don't know how to stop feeling like this either : (

i just don't know love. I just have feelings and sensation and memories. We are difficult because we got hurt before even we express ourselves. No one would understand. however people do if you insist. But then ... they also have something I don't know... just believe God and Jesus and get a guidance. He gives you.

Some try to accept some never but then they only pretend, some never accept and spit on you, some accept only partially but we all go through and there is nothing that is not accepted by GOd through Jesus Christ so you should make your own rule or just dump the rules and create your own or don't make any and live free out of what people think what your friend think and you family do and feel. That's the only way and ultimate. I think you have advantage on that.

After so many temptation of suicide thoughts and rejections that came before even come close without knowing what's happening out there but only busy taking care of inside, I decided to live vigorously and wild at some point. I think it worked but like everything else, we need to be brave to face that difficult time to learn. And love has no age. Anyone could love and since love is only reason I would live, it was worthwhile. I made some mistakes big time, but it's like normal I think. I hope you find what you want. Believe God forgave you and there is no judgment and just live the way you want.

And be aware of those wolf in a sheep's clothing. They are only pretending giving if they see you need something only to make themselves look good and they make you feel contained but not actually getting. I am learning that there are real wolves. They surround everywhere. They feel you see you, hear you and know you. How to fool you. And, they are always day and night, planing to deceive you. They are called ferocious wolves according to the Bible. I just discovered. Their desire and their filthy dreams are humongous that it looks so small for a small person because small person can only see small. I think you should try to go with your feelings and use your gut. I know those orphans have special thing we could use. Try to be a little bit brave and release yourself. Even though you are small inside outside isn't and you could do anything with.

it's like you got pushed away but then very subtle so people don't realize how badly wounded inside but they only see you outside that you are compassionate about the people who are seemingly rejected and left alone. However your heart is not filled up but then have distrust deep inside can't quiet connect to outer world. I think I am finding my way out. I tried to accept people who giving me and it's helping me. Even if they give me for no reason, I am willing to face it and disregard my suspicion of rejection that might be hiding somewhere. I first time felt that my congestion was going away. Something just fell. However it came back after I learn he was pushing me away just a little bit. He might be scared because he didn't know I am very in need of acceptance. I think I am beginning to learn to connect myself as a child and there are people out there they want to become a parents for me for no reason. Maybe it's the opposite reason of what I have experienced. It's not easy because I was all pretending accepting everybody but I wasn't inside. I think this is right way. However, I don't know sometimes it seems like they are bad. I read bible a lot and people are not that trustworthy according to the bible so I was thinking what's the difference even if I don't know them at all and trust or not trust. But, I think it definitely gives you protection to have trust relationship. I don't know how but it's like instant connection and something gives a way to other person and we both get something? It's amazing.

No child should ever be told they were born unwanted. I was told I was born unwanted by my mother, and my life has never been the same since. <br />
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I feel guilty about being alive. Everyday is a painful struggle.<br />
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I realise now why no one in the family came forward or did anything, when I cried for help several times because a family member was molesting me over a ten year period.<br />
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When you are not part of the plan, you cease to exist.

Let me know if you are intersted in conversation.

You know I was exactly same situation as you were. I searched and searched and searched for someone who could possibly understands but the thing is I only attract the most vicious people who criticize. It's like a curse. Peope who like to make worse comes because my parents hatred and resentments are so bigger than people who might be able to see through. I see people commenting on. They are absolutely cold and cynical. I hope to find someone to understand as everyone seems to have someone to understand but I was rejected even before I learn to express my thoughts so I'm locked up. I am beginning to see how people end up getting married and unhappy with their life so I am finding comfort in there. It's strange that someone's tragedy is others pleasure and people find very entertaining. I hear you saying that your mother was never there. I was similar situation and I know how it feels like surrounded by mother and class mates happy screaming but you are the only kid lonely there don't know what to say. I was puzzled whether I should laugh together or just stay calm. My entire school life was like that. She never showed up. The graduation day also. I forgive her but I still hear from time to time she wishing me committ suicide and at one time she admitt. It's just endless wishes and frustration and don't know what I am doin and don't know what next cause I was rejected before birth. I know it's hard for you but gang in there. And I wish you find someone who could understand. It might not come true but we found each others. I was trying to find but there wasn't any except some guy in mental hospital. He couldn't communicate at all. But I felt the fear of non existence and being ignored. Maybe people are too busy thinking of their life and it's easy to ignore what others go through because they never been that situation. My brotherdidnt even understand. I was ignored but without getting noticed. And no one knows.

wow...my life was similar with depression etc. My biological mother gave me to her mom to raise. From what I am told her mom convinced her that she would ruin her life if she kept me. But, who knows how it really went down. I have struggled with this since I was 10 and my real mom decided to spring it on me for what reason I do not know!! It has ruined most of my adult life and much of my childhood. Granted, I denied that this situation had anything to do with my way of thinking for years! I know now that I could have used therapy. <br />
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I think that your mom loved you after you came came into this world. She may not have been the warmest person during your crisis times. But , those are hard times for a mom to deal with. She may have felt the people that helped you were the correct ones for the task at hand. Having a child changes our way of thinking and I wouldnt take the perception of your mom's friend as fact. You need to hear what your mom has to say first hand.

I dont think that you ruined your moms life.- she was ruined even before you were in the picture.- <br />
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theres something not right with her.- unfortunately...<br />
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I'm glad that you have found a way to overcome your depression.- there might be days that you fall back on that but try your hardest you are here for a reason.- try to help your sister also. the both of you can overcome this..<br />
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you are not your mother.- perhaps later on in life you find that you may want kids-

w0w YOU too! I thought maybe I was like one in 6 billion totally unwanted accidents that just happened to ruin my Mother's out look on life. NO it was already ruined my birth just furthered it. Ask me today IF I care? NOPE Nada I didn't end up liking her much either....