I Was An Unwanted Child
This is an issue that has had a huge impact on my life and the lives of other people I have talked to who also know they were unwanted/unplanned children. It's not like parents go around telling us they never wanted us to be born (although some may), but in my experience there is always an evil friend/member of family who makes sure we find out. In my case it was one of my mother's friends. I remember exactly the images that came through my head as she told me the fact that would scar me for life. My mom and dad had been in a relationship for 6 years and she couldn't stand him anymore so they broke up. She never wanted to have anything to do with him. Then, after several weeks, she found out she was pregnant. She wanted to live, travel, enjoy life and people in her surroundings convinced her it was a huge shame to have an abortion (still mostly is in my part of the world) and made her marry and have me.
I now think how she must have hated me, the insignificant little person for whom she had to sacrifice her life and dreams. I trapped her in a marriage and life she hated. She wouldn't hear of another child but my dad and family again, convinced her she should have another one, that me being a single child would not be wise. After seven years of convincing she had my sister, and during that pregnancy she was ill most of the time, so I can imagine how much she hated my little baby sister as well.
Growing up, I was surrounded by people who adored me and were there to fulfill my every wish, although I don't quite remember my mother in the whole picture. She was never there for me, not when I was going through hell in my life, fighting addiction, suicidal tendencies and mental breakdowns - she simply didn't know what to do with me.
I believe now, after having overcome my depression of the past 15 years, that my general and complete inability to feel alive, to want to live and enjoy life, all sprang from the fact that I came into this world unwanted. My sister too, has had a lot of problems, fighting eating disorders, but she was always the stronger one.
My mother always remarks about girls how they are stupid when they get married and have kids, how kids ruin a person's life. I am set on not having kids, ever.
I would like to hear from other people who may feel the same way.