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A Lot

It seemed like anyone I was ever close to when I was growing up betrayed and/or abandoned me in some way..  By the time I was actually an adult I trusted no one, nor had any plans to..

For a lot of years I played it safe, and kept my walls up, and was unhappy..

Then I changed things

I got my heart broken

But I now know how great life can be if you give it a chance, and though I'm still careful, my walls are staying down and I'm open :-)
rockyj rockyj 31-35, F 2 Responses Dec 17, 2010

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Thanks for that reply.. I sort of get what you're feeling - especially when you say "if you're not going to have the courage to face up to me and tell me how it is, then everything I've ever believed in us was a lie"<br />
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I don't think there is any 'supposed to do', except what we're capable of doing at any one time..<br />
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It was hard for me to find the courage to let my walls down and open my heart. It's been devastating being betrayed. But I experience the feelings, and live through them, and learn and grow from them.. and through the bad experiences I learn what I am, and am NOT willing to accept within my life... from myself, my friends, and especially from a lover and partner. How I feel about things, is how I learn to understand who I am and what I truly want and believe..<br />
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All the best WonderLustKing, your comment moved me xx<br />
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ps... if someone is making you feel you are the butt of their games and manipulations and 'jokes'.. then shame on them.. that has no bearing on who you are as a person!!

I'm so happy to hear that this is even possible. I've been feeling mad betrayed, and lately I don't think I can trust anyone. Especially the people who are closest to me. I just want everyone to be happy, but at the same time, if you're not going to have the courage to face up to me and tell me how it is, then everything I've ever believed in us was a lie. Now I'm scared. I feel like things are shifting behind my back, and all I want to have is a grip on life. I dunno if I'm supposed to decide to ignore the bad and live in the bliss, or if I'm supposed to embrace the bad and go with the flow. An eye for an eye, or turn the other cheak? There are some barriers I've never crossed, but I don't think I can go on knowing that I'm the expense of someone else's joke.