Advice Needed..... So Confused.I am a 42 year old woman. I have a fiancé who I thought was the most wonderful man I'd ever met..... and I've known a few!
I separated from my over-powering, control-freak of an ex-husband 7 years ago (sadly I have to still have contact due to our child). He managed to scare off the first couple of relationships I had after the divorce and quite honestly, being with him has taken its toll on me. I am not the bubbly, outgoing person I once was - I'm probably a touch depressed and definitely feel as though the spark inside me has gone out.
Anyway, I met my fiancé 2 years ago. Although there was no instant chemistry or major attraction, I really enjoyed his company and thought he had a lovely kind face and was a wonderful man.
We travelled, had fun, sex was fairly good and we enjoyed each others company. I couldn't fault him. I did occasionally wonder if would ever have that 'weak at the knees' feeling again, but in all honesty everything else seemed so good, I put that to the back of my mind. He was my best friend, I could see a happy future ahead.
He worked away a couple of times a week and often worked late but I never doubted or questioned him. I thought we had a very honest relationship. I knew he'd had a colourful sexual past, but I was no angel so it was never a problem.
Imagine my shock when I discovered he was a sex addict, with a regular 9-5 job. He never worked late or away, he was hooking up with anyone he could find to have sex with - escorts, women off casual sex meeting sites, ex girlfriends who he'd strung along, even the occasional man! I was totally flabbergasted.
After the initial shock had passed, we started to really talk, strangely we even became closer and had sex more often than before. I tried to understand. We had a few therapy sessions with a highly qualified sex therapist who confirmed that this was indeed an addiction and was no reflection on me or his feelings for me. Like most addictions this was a vicious cycle of extreme euphoria followed by shame and guilt.
We were/are trying to work through things. He has now lost his job and it turns out that he was siphoning money off to fund his habit! He had seemed like a person of such high morals, someone I respected, someone my child could look up to. Everyone (who doesn't know) tells me how lucky I am to have this wonderful man who adores me and treats me like a princess - which this aside, he does.
I'm just confused now. Im not sure how I feel. I've gone right off sex and although we are still kind, affectionate and warm towards each other, I just can't seem to manage any sexual feelings at all, I don't even want to give him anything more than a peck. Yet I still love him, enjoy hs company and live cuddling up to him.
I don't want to live my life without sex, but I can't imagine ever acing a fulfilling sex life with him. Yet I also can't imagine life without him. I'm sure there would never be another man that would treat me so previously.
Incidentally, he is more loving, attentive and patient than ever. He as he will never do it again and will spend hs life making it up to me. I know that he fancies me and desires me a lot. The trouble is, I saw what a good liar he is. When things first started to come out he denied them until he was blue in the face - and did it exceptionally convincingly. I now feel as though I will never know when he is lying to me - the worse thing is I don't think I even care what he does anymore.
I realise I'm not emotionally strong enough to decide either way at the moment - but I feel as though we are doomed. What do you think?
Dizzymare612 41-45 0 Feb 2, 2013