Me As Well

I feel so so lost ! After 7 years of happiness I found my husband is having an affair.... . Never in a million years did I think something like that was coming my way. What I thought he was looking up to, now I've learnt he does not even care about. I was being "us" for so many years, I don't even know who  am I on my own. I was happy wife, mother, housewife and full time professional provider never thinking that I will ever have to reassess who am I on my own. I was part of the team that I believed was happy and wining day by day, now I've realised my team is falling apart and we are losing it big time.  Why do things like this happen? And how on earth will I ever be able to trust him again? Why does love disappear, and how do we not recognise on time that something is wrong. I don't have a clue what to do, I don't even know what I want to do.... :-( I wish he falls in love with me again, but I know when I stopped loving someone in the past, that was it, I could never fall  in love with the same person again, and that scares me big time....   anyone having the same experience? Any advice would be appreciated




pure pure
31-35, F
7 Responses Aug 20, 2007

im sorry for you. to be logic, you or your husband got the chance to have an affair.but its depend on us wether to stay be loyal or are the loyal one, he is the betray one.i also do not know how to help you since i also feel the same and face the same situation,But you guys married and im just in just a guys already have a family,married.What more he wants.sometimes,im thinking to myself,why its happen in marriage, is there no happiness anymore?boring? you guys already divorced? he asked to be with you again?

I was married for sixteen years, things were fine until he his his mid life crisis and then he just went off the rails. I don't hate him for what he did to me, just the way that he did it. I spent five years being lied to, cheated on and I had a sixth sense of exactly what was going on. I caught him out a few times and he would stand in front of me and bare faced lie his way along. What hurt the most that it seemed looking back that it was so calculated and cold blooded. I even filed for a divorce and he ignored all the papers he was sent so I lived in limbo for five years until I decided not to be a victim anymore. <br />
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Walk away, if he cheats on you once he always will. The trust will never come back and you will spend your every waking hour wondering where the hell he is and who he is with. It has taken a while but at least I have my self respect and peace of mind back. I also have the satisfaction of knowing that he is not happy and has found that the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence. Walk away...

im sorry for you.

I am so inspired by your story and your self discovery. I have recently been betrayed and it's been difficult to learn how to stand alone again. Bravo!!

I was dating a man for 11 years we were together but I still don't understand he became distant and cold. I tried for a 1 year and a half. When he started playing around I confronted him about it . But he wouldn't stop I hurt big time I cried then I said I'm done he went to work I said nothing I packed all of his belongings and when he left work they were in his car. I wrote I"m done I don't care. I'd rather be alone. The best decision I ever made he had the nerve to show up at my house. I talked to him But when I saw him I felt nothing he said he was sorry I told him I just don't care. I see him evey now and then but he killed every feeling I ever had. I'm happy without him I won't settle with just anyone. I deserve better. Bigggg Hugggs.

big hugs happy for you. you are strong to through realize and walk away.

I am so inspired by your story pure and glad to hear it all worked out for you in the end. Starting over can be hard I have done it . It is better to be alone than miserable and with someone. God bless and Hugs!!

Hello everyone !<br />
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I received an email today saying Danda commented on my story on this site. So I logged on here for the first time since I posted original messages as I lost details of this site. I have it saved to my favourites now :-)) so you will be hearing from me again, no doubt !<br />
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Its been over 8 months since I wrote my 1st message !!!!!!!<br />
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Just reading it gave me that horrible tight feeling in my chest and throat remembering exactly how it felt 8 months ago. But because I now feel soooooooooooooooooooooooo much better I feel obliged to write here again so everyone who is now, maybe feeling the way I felt 8 months ago can see how things can get better ! <br />
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A loads of things happened since August. It had gone from bad to worse and finally in December ( hohoho Merry Xmas :-(( ) I felt I have exhausted all options of trying to make it work, had enough of being hurt and I called it a day. It was the hardest decision I made, It took me months to chew on idea but I did it and we parted the same night.<br />
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Since, I found peace in my heart, I don't cry any more, I am even less lonely being on my own then being in relationship that obviously did not work, for a long long time. I can not tell you how difficult first few months were. I have no family in the UK, I work shifts so I had a huge child care issues.... but everything is sorted now !!! I have a lovely au pair, I am starting to become myself again and I am living my life, Im not letting it pass me by !!!!! There is nothing more important than having that peace in your heart. I am glad that i tried to save that relationship for as long as I did. I did get hurt, and it was a huge time consuming but not time wasting. Because today I have not a single what if issue on my mind or in my heart. I tried, it didn't work and I started a new chapter of my life.<br />
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I am a better person these days, I am a better parent and have so much more energy than I use to ! Only now I realised how much emotional sadness does makes us physically exhausted. And no one is worth that ! We all need to learn to love ourselves and respect what and who we are. And no matter how much we think we love the ones who keep hurting our feelings, we need to stop and ask ourselves, what is it we actually love in that person.... It is hard to start walking alone after so many years, but hear me out.... IT IS WORTH IT !!!!!

i can comment well to this story,i was with someone for a few years and i loved them deeply and found oyut she was cheating on me,i loved her so much but i couldnt even look at her the same anymore all i seen was him,am sure this isnt reasuring for you but i couldnt handle it and part of me wanted to be with her so bad but in the end i couldnt bring myself to do it,anyways good luck