I Feel So Sad.

I was diagnosed with Polands Syndrome when I was 14. I was born without my right breast and pectoral muscle. I'm 20 now, and I had an operation at age 15.

I have battled with depression, and I have always felt like I'm incomplete, everyday that I wake up I wish I would have my breast. I feel so unpretty, I can never go to the beach without feeling self conscious. People notice, and stare, and whenever this happens I feel so bad, like a freak. 

I always see girls wearing nice topless dresses or bikinis and wish I could too without looking like I do. I feel so lonely and I'm afraid no guy will ever like me or love me because of my condition. On top of it all, I am not pretty at all, and last year I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. I know I could be off worse, but still, I feel so bad and wish I could change it all. I didn't know where else to go to share my feelings and thoughts. 

If there's anyone out there with the same condition, it would be great to know about it. 

milee853 milee853
18-21, F
6 Responses May 7, 2010

I know this is an old post, but I signed up to reply in case this helps anyone else. <br /><br />I'm a 33-year-old female with Poland's syndrome (no pectorals major or minor on my right side). I have no hand or rib issues though. Anyway, I've chosen NOT to have surgery. Basically, I've found a few mastectomy bras that aren't hideous and use a silicone prosthesis as an insert. On a daily basis, I barely think about it. I know that surgery wouldn't fix it 100%, so to me, it's not worth going through surgery and putting an implant inside my body. <br /><br />It's a pain in the *** when shopping for certain clothes, although I've become a pro at knowing what works for me. Also, finding a swimsuit is near impossible, so I haven't swum since I was 15, which sucks.* But, there are worse things. <br /><br />On the man front, it's rarely been an issue. That being said, I'm pretty good-looking, I watch my weight, etc, so even with my wonky boob, I'm told I still rate as "hot" :). Men don't seem to care, although I think I tend to attract more *** men than breast men. If it were a turnoff for a guy, I wouldn't be offended; we all have things that we are not into.<br /><br />Moral of the story is, it will feel better... but only if you let it. My biggest liberating moment was when I was 17 and decided, once and for all, that surgery wasn't for me. It felt good to make the decision instead of waffling back and forth about it forever. <br /><br />* ETA: I've recently begun dating an awesome guy who happens to have a pool. When I lamented on not being able to find a swimsuit, his response was "Well, just go topless. It's just the two of us." Hmm :) He does have neighbours though, so I think I'm going to pick up a bikini (my first ever) that looks great on the other 3/4 of me, and not bother with the prosthesis in his pool. Another liberating decision!

Hi. 3 years have passed since you posted this. I don't know if you are still hurting, but everything you said resonated so deeply with me. I am 33, and have been battling depression, anxiety my whole life -- much of which is related to how terrible I feel about my body. I hope that you are doing better.

hey i have it too, though not quite the same. my best friends who i told tell me not to worry and that how can it feel weird for me if ive known it all my life, but it does. it feels like something is missing on one side. They also don't think its a big deal, which is nice i guess, but i wish they had some empathy. because it is hard, i know. but something that did help is my dad told me asymmetry is natural in the world and people are largely attracted to it. I'd like to talk to you more if you want to email?

hi, yes, sure, you can email me at msnix89@gmail.com.

Hi kkails, the surgery did help a lot, in the sense that I don't have to worry about the prothesis falling out or anything of the sort when exercising and when clothed it isn't really noticeable to the eye, but it feels very tight and when people hug me they notice, which makes me uncomfortable because they feel it and they look at me confused... I try not to let it get to me but sometimes it does, cause some people have commented on it. Also, I don't know for sure, but I have the strong suspicion the implant has made me had some breathing problems, it hurts sometimes too, nothing too painful but it is annoying, sometimes i run out of breath and when I'm laying down i feel pressure on the right side of my chest... apart from that I haven't had any other problems, I'm hoping one day the implant i have, which is a 95% saline solution implant with a 5% silicone part on the "back", can be removed and changed by one much softer and natural looking, cause it looks like a ball...literally, but, theres not much it can be done about the appearance, since the muscle is lacking... I only have two scars, one underneath the armpit and one right underneath the implant, they are noticeable but nothing too gross or anything... I do recommend the surgery, but with a doctor that has real skill and knows what he or she is doing, and doesn't give you false expectations of the final results. The procedure done on me was the following: they introduced the implant say, almost empty, and a valve was placed underneath the armpit (thus the scar i have there) which was used to fill the implant over a certain period of time so the skin wouldn't rupture or show stretch marks, which by the way didn't happen to me, I believe it was because my doctor knew what he was doing and chose the best approach, I do not know if there is any better options out there nowadays, but that worked for me great. I do recommend getting the surgery, purely for aesthetic purposes, and it has given me confidence to wear more revealing clothes, nothing too revealing, but much more than before. So, basically, yes, I do recommend it. :) I hope this helps!

Thank you so much for all of the advice! it seems as though we have a VERY similar situation, as what you said the procedure was for you is going to be pretty much the exact same procedure for me. I am worried about the risks and things you mentioned, but you if you believe that they outweigh the problems you had before surgery then it must be worth it! I am glad i have found someone so similar to me in this way. It is easy to feel alone when you have something like this, because in most cases you dont know anyone like you. So thanks very much! if you have any other advice or information about your experience and outlook on surgery that would be much appreciated! thanks! :)

:) I'm glad it helps, and I'm glad it makes you feel better, cause it seems we do have a very similar situation, and I know what it feels like, I do recommend the surgery, and even more if the procedure will be the same, it will work :) I can offer you pictures of myself, I won't show my face ahaha, for privacy, but I can show you how it looks in a bikini and with a bra, if you'd like I can send them to you. Maybe this will help to make your decision easier and for you to have an idea of how it might look afterwards, Ive had the same implant for seven years, and probably will for some three years more. If it can be changed for a more softer implant and "natural" looking implant before those three years, I will change it.
So let me know! I really hope if you do choose to undergo surgery it all goes well! :)

Hello. You are not alone, I am 17. I also was born with Polands syndrome, and have no breast tissue or pectoralis muscle on my right side. I feel the exact same way about bathing suit and revealing tops. Did the surgery help? I cant decide if i want to get the surgery or not! If you told me your experience of it that would help a lot! thanks!

That sucks you seem nice i have never heard of this but a guy should like you four you and not what you look like